I’ve been a bit in denial about BG Talula. I look at the calendar and realize that with W turning 11 weeks it now makes it 10 weeks that she has been missing. Ten.
A few days ago I returned the safe trap back to the neighbor that had lent it to me. This is the neighbor that is basically the go-to person for all things animal in our community. If there is a hurt or killed cat or dog she is the one that is called. As I returned the trap I felt so empty and like such a failure. But this is beyond just opening the back door and calling, “kitty”, every night. Ten weeks is a lot of missing.
The neighbor said that she really felt like BG T had been adopted by someone that found her (she bases this feeling on the fact that no one has called her otherwise). It is a nice thought to think that she is ok and that maybe she is being loved and taken care of. But realistically it doesn’t feel possible.
I have accepted that I will never see her again. It breaks my heart in a million slivers. She was the best friend in the worst of times and the best friend in the best. She saw me through crazy days in Hollywood, moving to the south, learning how to take care of GM, and was the only source of comfort during all the years of trying for a baby. That she barely met W makes me incredibly sad, and then it makes me feel guilty. Maybe W is the reason why she left in the first place.
I will miss her always. And I will always hold onto this pocket sized bit of hope that she will come back.
BG T in the beginning- she would come to work with me
In a sea of Grovers
I will never stop missing you.
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so sorry she hasn’t come back. I keep expecting good news from you any day, but 10 weeks is a lot. I hope your neighbor is right.
Btw, I have been looking for pictures for a new header. I am kind of stuck, esp since my blog is down again. I will get back to you one of these days though!
Oh honey, I’m so sorry! That’s rough. I’m a HUGE Pollyanna and I believe she is with someone who is just spoiling her with love and attention. I’m sure she thinks about you, though. Corny I know, but that’s me!
*HUGS*
I’m sorry, Cali. I know that pain. I will miss her with you.
I’m sorry, when we lost our maxer this was the hardest thing – that we just didn’t know what happened, and we really couldn’t say good-bye.
I am really sorry. Losing a beloved pet is so hard, and not knowing what happened makes it harder. Will still hold onto a little bit of hope for you.
I’ll always hold out hope. I kid you not, a year to the day of my friend’s cat being gone he reappeared as if he hadn’t been gone 10 minutes. Losing a pet, no matter what way, is a very hard thing to deal with. I’m sorry.
I am so sorry, hon. I know how it hurts.
FWIW, you know my family’s crazy cat/baby thing, right? The cats go as the babies come. My mom lost a cat right after I was born, Wes lost a cat when GMB came, my bf’s two cats died when we were both pg, one had been her husband’s and one had been my mom’s. And thus Beck’s middle name. You know that story, I know. Just wanted to add you to the ranks of family with sad cat/happy baby stories.
I lost my cat Hobbes like this – out of the blue. I have always hoped she was just adopted by someone well meaning. It still hurt a lot. Sorry that you are missing Talula.
When I was pregnant with my son my cat of 15 years died. It was the hardest death I have ever gone through. Our companions see us through some of the toughest and greatest times of our lives. I too wondered if the universe was taking him from me because I had finally gotten my dream of a child. I will never know, but I can completely sympathize with how you are feeling. Here’s wishing her the best…wherever she is! Hang in there.
♥
I have a group of friends and boyfriend that doesn’t “get” the utter purity of an animal’s companionship.
Pets are the silent friend that we cry to, that actively seek us out when we’re upset, and wrap around our ankles when we’re using the bathroom. They carry our secrets in tear-stained fur and never ask for more than we can give back. The only hope we have is that we can care for them half as well as they cared for us.
Wherever BG T is now, she wears your love intertwined in her fur. Maybe one day, when that loss has healed, you’ll see another tiny kitten who needs a family of pink-skinned monkeys to love.
Hoping for the best for you and your family. Your son is just so beautiful and happy looking!
I’m so sorry. We lost a cat in a similar way when I was younger, she just never came back. It is so hard to not know.
Dang this sucks. I’m sorry your beloved is gone. I don’t know what I’d do without my 3 boyz running around the house. Just keep thinking that your kitty is safe and sound with a new family that found him and fell in love with him as much as you did. You did everything you could to find him.
What does it say about me… that out of all the poetic, heart-felt and sometimes heart-wrenching posts you’ve written… this one is making me sob?
I love that cat too. I’m so very sorry.
I’m so sorry about your kitty. I’m still holding out hope that she returns.
It’s so sad the BG T is missing, I imagine it’s terrifyingly hard not knowing where she is or what has happened to her. It would do my head in too if it were my furry child.
HUGS
Awww this sucks. I am so attached to my cats, I can’t imagine what we’d do without one of them. Thinking of you.
That blows, buddy. Been there.
I am so, so sorry there have been no leads. I have lost two cats this way, and it is so painful not to know what happened to them. Thinking of you. xoxo
oh, my heart hurts for you.
I am so very sorry, Cali. BG T is out there loving you for sure.
Oh Cali, I’m so very sorry. I can only imagine how heart breaking it is for her not to be there and for you to worry about where she is or what happened. I keep hoping to see a post that she came home. Thinking of you and sending many many hugs.
So sad, I know how it hurts. Our pets are our kids, too. Very sorry. Hope Baby Boy’s smiling face helps you get through the pain. xoxo
What a gorgeous photo of the two of you!
I am so sorry she hasn’t returned. I’ve really been hoping she would. My cat died just before I got PG, and it has been devestating. But, I sort of feel like he was around to see me through 10+ years of all sorts of stuff, and provided great comfort through some really dark days of TTC. As much as I miss him, he at least saw me through to this next phase of my life (and he was sick, so I am so grateful he held on for me). Which is all a very long way of saying that I hear you on the heartbreak. I’ll still be quietly hoping for a miracle.
This really hurt my heart today. I am so sorry, I held on hope for you all too. It doesn’t seem right to not have her there with you and W.
I guess there is a lot to be said to closure. When I lost Rocco two years plus, I knew he had been hit by a car. As painful as it still is to talk about, at least I knew there wasn’t a chance for him to be coming home. I’m floundering here for the right thing to say to you, but I guess through all the negatives of not knowing, there’s still that itty bitty piece of hope. I’m still hoping, but grieving as much as an internet lurker can… I’m sorry for your loss, BG has/had a wonderful soul and been a fantastic friend. That unconditional love from an animal friend will be sorely missed.
I’m really really sorry. We had a kitty go missing a couple of years ago and it sucks.
I’m sorry your heart is sore. I still hold out hope that she comes back, but if that is not to be, I pray that she is loved and cared for by someone else as wonderful as you.
xxx
She’s so pretty. I’m sorry you’re hurting. xo
i love both of those pictures so much. i have a good friend who love love loves animals and i took a pic of you with baby BG Talula when you posted it eons ago and texted it to her ~ she still has it because she loved it so much…
i am so sorry for the heartbreak. i am with you holding the pocketful of Hope tho.
i love you sweetie…
So very sorry about this. Pets really take a special place in our lives.
I actually know of a few people who have had similar things happen with babies and pets. I’m not sure why we get handed bad alongside good. You think we could just have pure goodness sometimes right?
I am so sorry. Still hoping she is somewhere cared for, and moreso that she will return one day.
Man… I am so so sorry. At least you are looking at this in the positive manner… but I am so so sorry you are having to go through this. I cried while reading this post.
I’ve been following your blog since just before your adorable son was born and just before your cat went missing. I am so sorry. I have three cats and I would be heartsick if one went missing.
I too have a feeling she is somewhere with someone who needs her. My first cat moved in with me from (I found out 6 months later) halfway down my street. It was an awful time for me and she was the only bright spot. I thought she was a sray and asked around – but no one recognised her. Six months later a whole series of odd coincidences led me to meeting her other owner.
Five years on and she is 17 now and still with me. I am still so grateful to the universe for keading her to me. The neighbour who had owned her for the first 12 years of her life was very philosophical (not sure I could be!).
I really don’t think it was W that drove her away. I think it was that she knew you had him now and you were going be fine and she felt she could go. I bet she is with someone in pain right know and supporting them through their troubles – just like she did for you. And that someone might just be in as much darkness as I was…
Molly
PS I am about to start IVF in a month or two with a donor in hopes of being blessed with a bub… And I have never ever posted on a blog but something told me I had to tell you this story…
I’m sorry she’s still missing. I really don’t think W. drove her away. Cats being curious creatures I’d expect her to want to check out the new addition to the household rather than to simply book.
My first cat was a gorgeous orange Maine coon with a big fluffy tail and a white bib. I was four when my parents adopted him at an inn in Maine. The owners of the place said the cat just appeared one day and started hanging around. He had no collar but he was obviously someone’s pampered pet. They checked around, put up posters but nobody claimed him. With the permission of the owners of the inn we took him home and he lived with us for ten years until his death from kidney failure.
I think BG is with another family now is an being treated very well. I don’t think she left because she was angry at you or afraid of the baby, I think she just got interested in someone else and decided to hang out with them for awhile. Sometimes animals reappear long after their owners have given them up. Sometimes they don’t.
My mom told me that cats have a built in awareness when they’re about to die and they prefer to go off alone when they sense the time has come, however your cat didn’t appear to be sick. It’s very mysterious and I know you must be sick with worry.
I’m so sorry. I’m also pretty sure that she’s with another family, and as hard as it is to imagine, that she’s almost as happy as she was with you.
*sniff
So sorry she hasn’t returned. I can’t imagine losing one of my babies.
I’m hoping she is happy now, wherever she is.
So sorry about BG. We had a cat that got lost once and we saw him months later hanging out in front of another house in our neighborhood. Turns out someone took him in and were taking very good care of him. As far as we know, he lived the rest of his very long life with them. I hope BG had the same fate.
Remember Cleo, who “left” (aka: was eaten by a coyote) the day our baby came home?
My husband still insists that she staged her demise, so that she could go help another couple through infertility.
Just a thought….that BG was one smart cookie.
My friends had this very same thing happen to them. It was a cat that I had given them years previous. When their baby was born, their cat took off. They found the cat once, put a microchip in it’s ear, but she took off again.
I’m sure your kitty has found another home. I don’t understand what drives cats to run away when babies arrive.
I’m commenting on this post as part of blogger bingo and sought it out deliberately. The rolls that pets play in our lives in undeniable. Also, it’s never failed to freak me out – honestly – how many people I know have lost a pet (in some manner) around the time that they’ve had a child. It’s that when one door open, another closes, I guess.
I actually had that bottom photo in mind when we got our newest kitten. She looks nothing like your kitty but there is a similar spirit and look in her eyes…..