April, 2005: “What a great morning! What a great day! Dr. ____ was just so perfect. I had so many fears and doubts- was so afraid of being judged or being told I was making a mistake. But she managed to put me at ease. We went over my medical history and my cycle charts. So glad I had done a few months of charting before meeting with the Dr. I SO knew the lingo and I can tell she was impressed.
We won’t “go for it” until next cycle- this way I can get some tests and bloodwork done this month and know that everything is ok to start.”
April, 2006: “I’ve been going to the same fertility clinic for nearly a year. It is a teaching clinic and in exchange for up to the minute medical savvy treatment I have had to share my cooch & all that she has in her purse with about 4 zillion med students.
I have been used for dildocam training, IUI training, hsg training…every part of my female anatomy has a “___ wuz here” graffittied on it.
So this morning after my baseline work up was complete I was pulled into a side room & asked to wait a minute. (I am good to go for another cycle, by the by. Feel free to shout out a yee haw at that.)
I pulled out my trusty purse paperback & made myself comfortable.
Twenty minutes passed and the the door opened & in shuffled 8 twelve year old looking medical students. The tallest of the gang sat down in the chair next to me & began, “Um…Mrs._____”. Well of course I had to correct him, “It’s Ms.”
He faltered a bit and pressed on with, “Ms.____, we would like to invite you to join our study.”
I cut him off saying, “I won’t take anything that could give my hypothetical baby extra limbs. I won’t let anyone practice blood drawing techniques on me. & I won’t let any of you be the sperm donor unless I get a full medical background check.”
Ah, I know how to break the ice with these teenagers so well.
It turns out that the study/test is as noninvasive as it comes. They just want my spit. Specifically they want it on days that I get my E2 blood work done.
The research study will compare salivary and serum estradiol levels in ovulation induction. The info will be used to determine if salivary estrodiol levels are an alternative means of monitoring ovulation induction.
So in a couple of years, when you are trying for baby #2 or #3 and you don’t have to have blood drawn I’ll just say it now: you’re welcome.”
April, 2007: “Already I am convincing myself that I will never, ever (ever) be selected to be a shared donor. All this time between deciding to go for it & the actual consult with a doctor call is killing me. To fill the vast amount of space I am taking an old familiar trip down, “what the fuck am I thinking??” lame.
I’ve been lurking on IVF message boards. The kind that have women venting and discussing donor eggs stuff. A common post will include a woman’s needing input on making a decision between donors. ‘Should I go with the 20 year old with herpes and an STD or should I go with the 30 year old with the good photo?’ (actual paraphrasing of an actual post) Following the question will be a thread of comments discussing how stupid it would be to use someone so old (30!) as a donor.
Bottom line: who the fuck is going to want to pick me?”
April, 2008: “Totally pretend that I am still gathering my zen, but I need to address something pretty effing awesome that is going on. Have you ever heard that insanely optimistic religious phrase, “Let Go & Let God”? Well I am experiencing something that I am now calling Let Go & Let the Internets.
There is a movement, yes I called it a movement, going on that makes me all kinds of aw shucks-ish. I have been selected to be the guinea pig & first recipient of U.T.E.R.U.S. (Union To Expedite Relief Until Self-Fulfillment) I am very honored and overwhelmed and insanely inspired.
Mel, amazing gal and friend that she is, has spear-headed this organization that’s goal will to be to help women in our corner of the infertility world move forward with their goal of becoming a parent. This is just the first link in a chain of how we are all connected to each other. I look forward to being able to help the next people.
Fantastically enough there has also been a semi underground movement within The IVP that Hope and many other rock stars have been working on. (links with info on that to come.)
All of this goodness. I am sure you can imagine how the tears have been flowing today.
It kills me to be a needy gal, but I am. And I know that so so so (SO) many of you have helped me in the past. Hell most of you are the very reason why I have embryos to transfer in the first place! But here I am…being all needy & shit some more. Sometimes asking for help & accepting it are the biggest hurdles to success. Consider my hurdle jumped.”
April, 2009: Snork Watching
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Are you shitting me? Have you really been at this so long? I utterly failed to realize this.
That better be one sleepy and easy-going baby you get after all this time.
*shivers* at the 2009 version.
so so excited for you, love.
Wow. I am totally stork stalking. I have been a long time lurker and I am SOOO excited for you. This was an interesting recap.
Totally verklempt
amazing time line! so psyched for you! checking in daily for the big news!
is it bad that i am holding my breath when i check in every day? by the way….you do realize that you must post something every day from now until the Snork’s arrival, right? Cuz if you don’t, we are all going to assume you are in labor and lose our minds!!
So freakin’ excited for you!!
Yep – what Melissa said.
Just think about next April too.
Wow. I am on the edge of my seat…
Wow! Just WOW!
My how the times do change. i am so ridiculously happy for you, after following your journey for so long. You are going to be the best momma ever. i love you.
Wait! Was it last April? That just makes the birth even more amazing. I cannot wait to hear about what it’s like to hold the Snork for the first time
I love that it was just last April that the UTERUS effort began…and that’s what got the Snork started too. I agree with Melissa; please post daily!
Wow.
All of those Aprils led you to Mr. Snork.
I wasn’t “here” for any of the movement, but I’m here now and I’m SO excited for 2009! This community is an amazing one, brings me to tears often.
*HUGS*
The internets are Snork watching too. He has a place in all our hearts, as does his beautiful mama.
You’re going to be someone’s mama soon! How amazing.
It’s beyond suckage to go through everything you’ve gone through to get to this point. But I know that when you see that little man’s face it will all fade in an instant. It’s amazing how life seems to go so slowly when you’re in the thick of IT but sometimes when you look back it’s like the blink of an eye. My journey was very short compared to most, but at the time I was praying for a cycle that ended in a positive so badly. But now that this bean has grown into a real baby, I wouldn’t want any other one. And it’s made me oddly thankful for my IF journey, albeit very short in perspective. Sorry, total brainpuke. I’m just so effing happy for you. And this post made me all sentimental. xo
I feel like all I can do is squeal in your general direction. EEEE!!!!
the freaky thing is that I remember reading all of those posts in real time. It has been a long and twisty road, my friend, a long and twisty road. The fact that you are here now is part of why I have such faith in god (lowercase g intentional) these days.
hooray for 2009! and BB says HICCUP! excitingggggg xxxx
Wow. That’s quite some april’s you’ve had. Someday I’ll tell you about my medical student “procedure”. I only wish it was through my hooha.
On the edge of my couch….
This will be the best April yet.