Saturday’s mini meltdown turned into a productive Sunday for me. I searched the house for the most powerful vacuum I have ever seen (GM’s ancient electrolux) and finally located it in a box in the hall closet. I knew it would be the only tool strong enough to collect the million Christmas tree needles that had embedded themselves like CNN reporters into the carpet fibers all throughout the house. I didn’t care how loud it was or how cumbersome (the thing must weigh like 50 lbs) it had the power of the suck. Twenty minutes later I was in clean carpet heaven. bliss!
Later in the evening I got all twitchy to clean off my desk and the counters in the kitchen. I am a big lover of desks having lots of clean space and yet for the past year my desk has been hidden under paperwork and scraps of to do lists. It was with great determination that I sat down and began to unpile.
And wow. Nothing like living a year in reverse through clutter. I finally tossed the scraps of paper that documented the bleeding and betas of the unpregnancy. Gone were the injection schedules of two IVF cycles. See you later 3 million Chinese take-out phone-in orders.
So much paper is involved with a cycle- it is unreal. And what do you keep for posterity? I mean in 10 years am I going to be showing the Snork a flimsy receipt for when Mommy got wanded before she flew up to the clinic? In the end I kept things that were connected to the July FET only. But I imagine down the road I will be able to let some of that clutter go as well.
Cleaning the desk also reunited me with things that I had misplaced: the doo-dad that connects my camera to her tripod, the fancy white-out tape, 2 music cd’s that friends had sent me over a year ago, a card with a forwarding address of one of GM’s dearest friends (& I went nuts looking for it a month ago).
Also found? My beautiful desk. The desk that my Grandfather left for me. The desk that Grandmother’s Father had given to him. All the wood needed to be cleaned and tended to. I wanted it to shine with love and attention.
Warning: Segue into a bit of Snork talk
And I know that this dire need for cleaning and decluttering is called “nesting”. And while, hormonally, I am inclined to agree that this urge does seem to come from a sort of panic that everything be PERFECT and clean and ready for Snork’s arrival. It also feels like I am doing it as a sort of life purge.
I wrote yesterday about how it has been six years since my Grandfather’s passing/my care-giving beginning of Grandmother. Popular legend says that every seven years the human body renews itself. Old cells die and new cells are born. I feel like this need to start over is coming from the inside. I feel shifted and different. I feel like I want to live a bigger life and therefore I don’t need as much stuff to fill me. I don’t need 300 magnets on my fridge. I don’t need 4 different brands of shampoo. Life is about to get very interesting and in acknowledging that I want to have a clean slate.
Next on my “to tackle” list? My closet and chest of drawers. I actually don’t wear ANYTHING contained in either. The goal is to give myself 30 minutes to an hour each day between now and thursday. I want to collect all the things I don’t need and load them into the car. Then on Thursday afternoon my respite time will be spent unloading at the Salvation Army. It kind of thrills me to think that as I am going through my quiet, simmer down, moment some plus sized gal in my town is going through her live LOUD phase. And boy will I have some clothes for her!
Also happening this week? Glucose testing on Friday morning and what I think is my last monthly OB appointment. Yikes. Things I want to bring up: what anti-depressants can I take now? after birth? While breastfeeding?
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I too love a fabulous vacuum but no matter how many times I clean my desk it is almost immediately piled back up. Good luck with the glucose test. That drink was kind of gross but not the most awful thing I’ve ever tasted. Everything will be perfect when you bring snork home regardless of the state of cleanliness.
I am OCD and struggle with depression. I take Zoloft and my OB and I had a long discussion about it. I stayed on it through both of my pregnancies and even nursed while taking it. My kids have no extra appendages and seem quite normal. LOL
We decided it would be far too detrimental to go off it and live pregnant without my dear sweet Zoloft.
By the way, I bought a Dyson several months ago and it is the love of my life!
Isn’t purging the most fabulous feeling in the world? I got all into it about a year-ish ago and haven’t stopped yet. We’ve sold so much random crap on craigslist that we’re starting to be made fun of by our friends every time we bring up a “guess what we sold” story.
I love clean, clutter-free spaces (even though I RARELY have the whole house that way. It’s amazing to me how adding one more human being’s “stuff” to the house – in the form of a crib and toys and a stroller, etc. ) makes the walls feel like they’re closing in.
Good luck with the GD test this week! It seriously wasn’t that bad (the test itself) so don’t stress. And fingers crossed for fantastic results!
re: purge – i recently did a little of that too. i got rid of pretty much everything saved since…high school. all the letters, the papers, some photos, boxes and boxes of literal baggage i’ve carried with me through moves over 4 states and 12 years. gone. there was a little panic, especially when the garbage man came. but mostly, relief. i feel lighter.
re: antidepressants – i’ve been talking about that on my blog. i’m breastfeeding and getting back on meds after a long hiatus. it’s a difficult decision, but the benefits definitely outweigh the risks at this point.
x to you and your lovely fambly.
Hooray for purges! I have been doing a lot of purging myself. It’s the best thing to do at the beginning of the new year; there is nothing like seeing clean spaces!
What is this need so many of us have to hang on to everything related to the big moments in our lives? I have always clung to little scraps of paper, receipts, movie stubs, even “meaningful” pennies because they reminded me of an event or a person. In the past few years, I have found them a little less necessary, but that sentimentality is strong. I think the thing that helps me most now is those videos of hoarders’ homes where there is a miniscule path through a home filled with towers of papers or tupperware or beanie babies. I do not want to be that person, so I dispose of things or take photos of them. It does feel better.
I also share your love of a clean desktop with space–even if I don’t plan to do anything more with the space than smooth my hands over it.
Good luck with the Glucose test! xoxo
Ah, the infamous nesting. I honestly don’t think it’s real nesting until the end, but I’ve done it earlier too – just chalking it up to wanting to clean. I have done it when I haven’t been pregnant, so why is deep cleaning when pregnant HAVE to be nesting (sorry, peeve of mine). Wait until you are 39 weeks pregnant and scrubbing your kitchen floor with steel wool. THAT is nesting. (i’m schnarky – totally ignore me).
I think it is the realization that you won’t have time to clean or organize anything post-Snork.
I am planning a garage sale soon, if you want to save your stuff and drag it down here to sell.
Regarding meds and nursing, the book most physicians use can be kind of extreme about what meds are safe while breastfeeding. There is a book by a pharmacist called Medications and Mother’s Milk, by Dr. Hale, which is very thorough and tells you exactly what the current thinking is on each med and why. I have it, if you ever want me to look up any meds or scan and send you what it says. With nursing, it seems, it has a lot to do with how your body metabolizes meds or what little thingies they do or don’t have in them, so it can be counterintuitive. For example, prednisone is ok, but pepto bismol is not. That strikes me as so weird.
The 7-year thing and the need for a clean slate… makes sense to me. xoxo
Dude. The urge to purge is awesome.
A week or two before having my little girl I spent a few hours in the early morning wailing and cleaning out the little spinny things on the vacuum so it would be even more effective.
We’re getting rid of tons of stuff right now, getting ready for our big move. I want to bring hardly anything.
GO GIRL GO! Get rid of those shampoos! …and call me Thursday during respite.
OMG! If this is going to be your last monthly appointment, that means that my last monthly appointment is next month! HOLY CRAP!!!!
for the glucose test ~ call the day before and ask if they will refrigerate it for you. cannot add ice, but its MUCH better when its very very cold.
I totally go thru the “7 year itch” thing except I have mini itches about every 6 months, and then BIG ones about every 3 years or so and then life altering ones every 6 years or so…. maybe that’s just crazy – I haven’t figured it out yet and neither has my therapist. Hahahhaha….ha…ha….. oh man….
I love you and I see excellent results in your glucose test future.
I have the desire to cling and I wish I could get a good purge going. I have a boxful of positives that resulted in nothing but negative, yet it feels like some awful jinx to let them go. I’ll stop on that trend now…you have my mind churning and this trend is rolling its way into a blog post.
You’re definitely nesting. Out with the old, in with the Snork.
Nothing better than a good de-clutter! I REALLY need to do the same. Well done for starting it….bet you feel so much better for it. BTW can I borrow that super vac?
“the doo-dad that connects my camera to her tripod”
OMG, your camera is a “her”! For some reason I just had to stop by and tell you how much I loved reading that.
J
Go, go, go!
I have the urge to purge, but entirely lack the energy/commitment. I never seem to get beyond micro-purge.
I’ll second what someone said – most doctors are incredibly leery about meds while nursing, but for the most part, that is based on lack of information/probably litigation anxiety.
Dr Jack Newman is my go-to guy on all things breastfeeding, here he is on drugs and breast milk:
http://www.drjacknewman.com/help/Breastfeeding%20and%20Medications.asp
Beautiful desk! I did notice your change, but haven’t been around. Lovely.
Yes, “Medications and Mother’s Milk” is the book to reference re: anti-depressants. There is also a website from the NIH about breastfeeding and medicines. I will see if I can find the URL and e-mail it to you.
I took 40mg of Prozac while pregnant and had to go up to 60mg while nursing. Prozac is considered “safe” and Baby S had, to my knowledge, no withdrawal symptoms after he was born (even when they do, they are very minor and actually very difficult to “prove” were due to the Prozac).
I was terribly nervous about taking the medicine, but my OB’s stance was “healthy moms make healthy babies.” I just can’t function without Prozac (oh, did I try) so I had to pick WHICH medicine was going to work for me.
Good for you! Purging is good for the soul. I am going to do a bit of that too. I hear you on the nesting! Lots of that going on here. Woo! And good luck with your appointment. xx