Yesterday’s appointment with the surgeon went sort of well. I was blindsided by the news that he did not get all the cancer out. Basically every single bit he removed still had cancer present in the margins but the pathologist indicated that it wasn’t invasive melanoma, just the sort of melanoma that likes to pull up a bean bag and relax. So we are now to just focus on having GM heal well from surgery and if we see any more abnormal things on her arm we are to get her back in asap.
Getting GM ready for the doctor’s office was brutal. I was fine doing it on my own, but she is still so not herself that it was like dressing Tim Conway’s old man from the Carol Burnett Show. Actually if you have ever wondered about how swiftly GM moves you can just imagine those sketches and slow it down a notch.
By the time we got home she was spent and I was teetering.
I keep waiting for her to be back to the way she was just a week ago but I worry that will never happen. We dodged a bullet on insisting that she not have general anesthesia, but having a stay in the hospital has totally and completely set her back.
This is the shit that is so hard about caregiving. You give your everything to taking care of someone and then there just isn’t anything left for yourself. Thankfully there is scheduled respite this afternoon and I am looking forward to going to the cafe and finishing the end of a mystery thriller.
My inner light is just a bit dim.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I hope you can recharge. Snork needs you to be well in body, mind, and spirit.
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with all this extra stuff on top of your everyday caregiving. I hope you get some peace and quiet soon.
Hoping that you are able to get a good rest for yourself today. Glad that the cancer isn’t the invasive kind. Hopefully, it won’t grow at all nor cause any further issues.
Sound like your battery is running low. Respite came just in time.
I sure hope your inner light has some time to brighten up a bit
I’ll be thinking of you…
Sending rainbows–bright ones, and plaid ones.
Holding you in light.
Sending love and hoping your respite time was cool and just what you needed. Glad it isn’t the crazy kind of cancer too and hope it stops just where it is. xxxx
I feel like breaking out into a spunky rendition of “This Little Light of Mine” and dedicating it to. Seriously though, I’m sending you love and warmth and light. I hope GM finds her way back to you this time.
Sending you one of my very best hugs to help with that light. I hope the respite this afternoon and the opportunity to just read and be will help.
Sending you a virtual hug, and a virtual hot chocolate, in a plaid mug of course.
I hope respite helped a bit. And I really hope GM comes back. xo
Poor GM, poor you. I hope you get to really enjoy that book. And that she makes some recovery, back to the level you were coping at. Hang in there.
Hoping you can find your energy & peace, and that GM comes out of her fog (is that the right word for it?) soon.
I LOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!!
Please please take care of yourself. If GM is still going to bed pretty early could you take a nice warm (not too hot) bath?? And also maybe see if there is a pre-natal massage therapist in your area for next thursday when you get another break. I swore by my massages and had one every other week when I was pregnant – she also became my Doula! But above all, please take care of you and Snork. You have worked so hard to have this baby and I worry that you aren’t getting the time to enjoy being pregnant and (pardon me please) bliss out on it just a touch. Damn, I hate it when that future hippie half naked mid-wife I want to be slips in there!!! Love you!
Hang in there. I hope you had a nice afternoon recharging.
I hope your light is glowing brighter.
I hope you got some much-needed and well-deserved relaxation.