Never a good time for bad news.
Earlier than even the doctor thought possible, the first part of the pathology report is in. It’s bad ya’ll. Seriously bad. Pathology reports that it is the thickest melanoma that they have ever seen- measuring something like 3mm deep. Every bit of the skin that was sent in was covered in cancer. The doctor said that if GM was 20 years younger that he would want her in tomorrow for extensive surgery of her arm and that he would want chemo to begin immediately. He said there is a very, very significant chance that this cancer is other places on and in GM.
Listening to bad news and being the person that is having to remember and write it all down because you then have to call other people and relay the news is fucking hard.
We have an appointment to go meet with the doctor next Tuesday morning. By then the pathology report will be complete and the doctor will have a list of oncologists for us to consider. Mother has an appointment with her regular doctor this afternoon (who is also GM’s regular doctor) and she will relay the information and see what she says.
And right now I feel so sad and confused. I mean getting this kind of diagnosis for someone who is 87 and with stage 7 Alzheimer’s is all kinds of nuts. What the hell do we DO? How aggressive should we be?
And what do we say to GM? Sweet GM who is currently half napping and half watching the Price is Right.
How did this little, average looking blood blister become this epic thing of awful? Could I have made it better if I had taken her in to the dermatologist sooner?
Wave of sadness is here.
Sending big time hugs your way! I don’t have any personal stories or assvice for you, but I do work for general surgeons and we see this all the time. We want the family to have all the options/treatments available if they want them – but 9 times out of 10, they go with comfort for their loved one. It’s such a hard decision to make, but I agree with others in saying that you need to get all the info from the Oncologist and go from there.
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, your grandmother is so lucky to have you and your mother in her life.
PS: We had a gentleman in the office a few weeks ago with a lesion being removed that looked like a freckle (it was so small). The only reason he had it removed was because it was new and on his face. It was Clark’s stage 5 melanoma and very invasive. See, nothing you could have done with GM’s blood blister. This guys’ was brand new and that invasive so it doesn’t really matter, cancer has a mind of it’s own. =(
You must know how sorry I am for this bad news. I read your blog every day and have been silently clapping for the pregnancy news. Now I am silently sending you hugs of support.
I totally agree with those other commenters that you could have done nothing to change this. Your reaction is normal; we tend to chastise and question ourselves when something like this happens but life tosses us things that we Do Not Have Control over. We just dont.
I am always a listening post if you ever need to vent or cry. Sometimes it is easier to get it all out with a perfect stranger than friends that know you well. Not that I’m perfect….but I’ve been told I am good support.
Just thinking of you all, that’s all I can say.
Oh dear. Will pray foryour family.
I am so sorry. So very sorry. You’re all in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m sorry GM is in such a bad way. I can understand your feelings of guilt. Your job is to take care of GM and you feel like you failed in your obligation to her but that’s not at all the case. Nothing would have changed if you took her to the dermatologist the instant you first noticed the thing.
My MIL has been battling skin cancer for years. She’s an avid boater/sunbather and she never wore sunscreen up to the time the first melanoma was discovered on her face about eight years ago. She’s considerably younger than your GM and she chose to treat it aggressively, which is the correct decision for her.
But my MIL understands what is going on and she can take an active role in her treatment. Your GM would be in pain, confused and miserable if she had the type of aggressive surgery and follow-up chemotherapy that would be necessary to treat it. Even if everything medically possible was done to treat this particular cancer it sounds like she probably has other cancers that have yet to be discovered.
You and your mom will discuss this but I think your GM’s quality of life will be much better if you take a hands-off approach and let nature take its course. Pain medication if and when it is needed and arranging hospice care would be the way I’d go if she were my GM.
These decisions are very hard. I went through signing a DNR order for my father who had Alzheimers and liver cancer. It was the right thing to do but I still feel sorry that I had to make that choice. Alzheimers and cancer are horrible. They’re the greatest enemies of what should be a peaceful and enjoyable old age.
I will be thinking of you and GM and praying for the best possible outcome.
I’m sending you all lots of love.
I’m sorry.
my GM had alzheimers when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. They did a double masectomy a few days later. Frankly, it was a horrible horrible thing but I don’t think at that point she was aware of it – which in the end was a bit of a blessing. thinking of you and your family.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) so sorry to hear the distressing news. You’re all in my prayers.
I’m so, so sorry.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is weird to be pregnant and then have to deal with death — all very “circle of life”-y. My dad died 5 days after Baby S was born, and it was very hard not to let it rob me of my happiness over Baby S’s arrival. Take some time each day, even if only a few minutes, to enjoy and truly be happy for your pregnancy and the life within you.