Oh Fay can you see?

It is a beautiful sunny day. The lizards are out and scampering around the magnolia trees. The dog is blissfully happy hiding under the shade of the azalea shrubs. And yet every five minutes The Family Feud is interrupted by an emergency update: FAY IS COMING!

And since Grandmother comes from an era where the word “fay” meant something very specific every time she hears the name of the tropical storm she turns to me and asks if I know what that word means. I lift my eyebrows and she giggles like a little girl. This happens every five minutes. Seriously. The 1940’s part of GM is alive and kicking today…

I need to write about the many ages of GM one of these days. Some days she wakes up and is moderately present in the now. She is aware that she has family and that she is a matriarch. And yet some days she wakes up college age GM. This is a GM that will look at you in horror if you explain that you are her Granddaughter. “Ha ha!” She will retort. This is the GM that sees a photo of my Grandfather and does not realize that he was her husband. A familiar worn grey sweater that once belonged to my Grandfather will be pointed to and explained, “That was my Daddy’s”.

We had one of those days this weekend and it was especially hard on Mother. We have learned that Mother and I have almost opposite sensibilities. I can handle GM when she is lost in a different era. I can cope with her not knowing that we are related, as long as she relates to me as someone that she can trust. I can not deal well with days when GM is combative or aggressive or mean. Mother, on the other hand can deal with an aggressive day so so well but crumbles when her Mother does not know her. I think it makes Mother feel a giant loss of self. If she is not GM’s daughter then who is she?

Today GM knows me and yet I am unclear if she knows that I am her Granddaughter. But she is being cute and silly today and so things are fine. She giggles at the Tropical Storm name, asks me if we have enough peanut butter and toilet paper and then gets sucked back into what the survey says.

(thank you for holding my hand yesterday.)

August 19, 2008 | Filed Under GM, everyday life

Comments

20 Responses to “Oh Fay can you see?”

Salome on August 19th, 2008 3:36 pm

I think GM is referring to the word fey, which once meant gay. Irish people use fey to mean psychic or clairvoyant, You’ll notice that the spelling is different from the woman’s name Fay.
Calliope on August 19th, 2008 3:43 pm

I’m just going to assume GM means this:
“fay
noun
a small being, human in form, playful and having magical powers”
Cheryl Walker on August 19th, 2008 4:10 pm

My mother, years ago, had surgery. And the morphine caused her to become confused. And she was 40 odd years in the past. And thought I was her sister.

And I had this terrible moment, if I am not Wendy’s daughter, who am I?

I am sorry that this terrible disease should have taken an amazing woman from you. When you write, I understand why they call it the long good-bye.
Jen on August 19th, 2008 4:16 pm

It is already gray and cloudy here, but certainly no Fay yet. Enjoy your hurricane.
Man-Annie Oakley on August 19th, 2008 4:23 pm

Really what other essentials in life are there than toilet paper and peanut butter? Hahahahahaha! That’s great.
I almost think it would be very revealing to be transported back in time with someone. Difficult and heartbreaking, yes, but I imagine that you learn alot about her in these moments. I hope that you guys don’t get the brunt of the hurricane… stay safe and i’ll be thinking about you!!! Love you!
Olive on August 19th, 2008 5:10 pm

I hope you don’t get hit by the storm. That’s interesting about how you and your mom need different things from GM to feel alright. It sounds so hard either way.
Kymberli on August 19th, 2008 5:37 pm

I’m just above the early Friday morning area. I think Fay will keep slowing down and weakening as she goes along, so I’ll likely have a bunch of rain dumped on me come Saturday.

I think it makes perfect sense how differently you and your mother cope with GM’s altering personality.
Beck on August 19th, 2008 5:51 pm

Your grandmother is cracking me up. I can just imagine what she’s thinking when she hears “Fay is coming! It’s headed towards us right now!” lmao

Also, for a while I’ve suspected that you lived near me and from your map I see that you do. Only for a couple more weeks though since I’m moving. But I bet your Rip-Off Clinic is the same as my Giant Butthead Clinic.
Becky on August 19th, 2008 5:53 pm

I love GM. Can I just tell you that?
gypsygrrl on August 19th, 2008 6:22 pm

please write about the different ages/eras of GM. you are making me remember so many of my former patients… many of them were in their 80’s but were in their minds young mom’s of school-age kids. i often had to volunteer “to meet their kids at the bus or walk them home when i was up collecting my kids or younger brother/sister” so they didnt have to (they knew they werent well enough to walk/go get their kids at the bus, but didnt know why ~ and since i was around 5 days/wk on the unit, i assume i fit well into a neighborhood friend…)

love and hugs to all three of you amazing women: YOU, MOM & GM… you are all beautiful and inspirations to us all, i am sure i can speak for everyone here in that sentiment.
Suzukigrrl - gay mom on August 19th, 2008 7:22 pm

My mom always thinks its important to have pie on hand for a big storm.
Good luck with the weather.
Kara on August 19th, 2008 8:07 pm

Well with the rain, you may see rainbows on Friday. I pray that you do. <3
Michell on August 19th, 2008 9:53 pm

I hope the weather doesn’t get too bad. I remember some of the people my mom cared for and how they would lose decades of memories and be caught in another era. I like you was ok with it when they were in a good mood but if they were combative and angry it was much harder to deal with. I can see why being forgotten though would be difficult for your mom.
honeywine on August 19th, 2008 11:10 pm

I think I’d like to have someone living in the 40’s around today. I’ve spent all day watching old Barbara Stanwyck movies.

I think it’s hardest on your mother. It’s that whole knowing that they could be next thing.
Barb on August 20th, 2008 12:30 am

I like GM’s response. Wouldn’t the weather forecasters be horrified? Because according to them, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Seriously.
SCY on August 20th, 2008 10:03 am

It makes sense how you and Mother would be able to handle different aspects of GM’s illness, but I’m sure it is just as hard to deal with whether you’re good at it or not…

Hope Fay has not hit you too hard…
Co on August 20th, 2008 10:19 pm

Hope Fay hasn’t been too rough in your part of the woods.

I’m sorry that you and your mom struggle with different aspects of your GM’s illness. It’s all hard. Hugs.
Alice on August 21st, 2008 4:16 am

Ok, I’ve been moving and without internet for a month and have just caught up with you again. Holy SHIT Calli! I’m trying to be all cool and calm as I know you are still holding your breath, but let me say there has been happy dancing and exhalation all over the suburbs of Sydney. Am just thrilled………………..enough said. All the best of love and luck for scan. xx Al
Man-Annie Oakley on August 21st, 2008 2:46 pm

Am a little concerned as you have not posted today. I hope that you are all ok. Love you bunches and can’t waitf or tomorrows news!
Kara on August 22nd, 2008 4:32 am

Okay, now I’m getting worried, too. According to your little map and the weather reports, you’re right in the thick of Fay’s churning. I hope you are all safe!