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Places to Go:
Joining the swim team
Let me begin by sincerely thanking all of you that left such wonderful comments of support and suggestions yesterday. I was incredibly worried about writing about needing state assistance insurance, but you have squashed all of my phobias and I am, once again, awed by the power of positive energy and people.
The blood pressure issue is something that was a bit of a wake up call. Here is another confession for you all: I have not worked out since December of 2007. That’s right. I was so fucking worried about doing TOO much and damaging my internal lady bits that I just went extreme and opted to not do anything. Which is dumb. So this possibility that I might maybe have high blood pressure is scary. Treatable, but scary. What’s a girl to do?
Well if you are me you start drinking water like it’s zima and you are a freshman. And you get your ass up at 5:30 in the morning and drive down to the neighborhood pool and claim a lane. Seriously 5:30am. It was pitch black dark, but swimming under the sliver of a moon with night birds flying above was awesome.
Ok, I say “swimming” but I should probably clarify- I pool ran. For one hour I jogged back and forth in my lane, Mother in the lane next to me doing her creative, interpretive dance-like strokes, and 20 members of a local high school swim team in the other lanes.
Of course I felt a bit like a hoochie in my halter top swimsuit. The girls are bigger and float great, if you know what I mean. But after I realized that the high school kids didn’t give a shit about me then I stopped worrying about what I looked like and just jogged away. It felt wonderful and liberating and almost spritual. I think I will have to take my camera tomorrow to show you just how beautiful a pool can be that early in the morning.
Because I do plan on going back tomorrow. I felt so incredibly alive and wonderful getting out of the pool. I felt bouncy and light and sort of drunk on self-care. This is totally going to help replace my vitamin W needs. And rather than continue to whip myself for not doing this sooner I am just going to praise myself (& Mother!) for getting up and getting out there.
So any pool people out there? What is something good to do in a pool if you are not a lap swimmer like moi?
The long appointment
Warning: OB talk ahead
I am back from what turned out to be like a three hour OB appointment. Good night was it thorough. And long. And detailed. And seriously- is it ever fun to spend that much time with people all up in your business (literally and slangly)?
I am a bit scatterbrained now so this is really just a post where I am going to try and get down everything that happened. For starters I waited about 30 minutes in a packed waiting room with lots of belly rubbers. It was like there was this internal soundtrack that only they could hear and they were rubbing in sync.
When I was called back I had my weight and blood pressure checked. My blood pressure was said to be “a tad high” but the nurse shrugged it off to nerves (mine, not hers). We went into an office and I was given a little glass bottle of orange sugar water to consume in five minutes. Turns out that my insurance* requires anyone over a certain weight must be checked for diabetes at the first appointment. If the test is negative then another test won’t be administered until the 28th week. (I’m negative)
We went over genetic testings that are done by scan and blood work at 12 weeks, more genetic testing at 16 weeks…We went over foods not to eat, things not to do, and medications that are safe. I was given a massive bag of loot that included a journal, coupons, books, magazines, and a week sample of 8 different prenatal vitamins. When I find a brand of vitamin that I like I am to call them and they will prescribe that brand.
Then It was time for the rest of the physical exam. It involved the getting of two cultures for STD’s and an internal exam. Then the nurse (this was now the head honcho nurse) decided that she wanted to check my blood pressure again and this is where things took a turn. She had me lay on my left side for 10 minutes and then she checked my pressure twice. Both times she grimaced as if it was hard to hear my heart. Then she instructed me to sit up and told me that I was “borderline for elevated blood pressure”. (It was 134 over 80)
So then things became serious and she told me that I am to come back next week and meet with an OB and have my blood pressure checked again. And while I really looked forward to my first OB office visit suddenly having this red flag is all kinds of not fun.
I came home, made everyone lunch (Mother stayed home with GM today as GM was having a low mobility and low connectivity day) and then began googling how to reduce blood pressure. Decreasing salt and meditating seem to be the go-to suggestions. Any of you guys have any other ideas?
*So here is where I am going to openly talk about something that I was a little nervous revealing. But I try to be full-disclosure here and I am hoping by sharing this information it might help someone out there. My regular health insurance is an individual policy on a major national network. However this network has a horrible maternity rider option. Depending on what agent I spoke to I was told that coverage would never be approved because of my (lack of) marital status, or I was told that if I wanted coverage I would have to pay an additional $500 month AND that I would have to pay anywhere from 5-10 thousand dollars into the plan before I would see any benefits.
This means that simply calling up my insurance company and letting them know that I was you know what would not = maternity coverage of ANY kind. None. I knew this going into fertility treatments and I had always planned on using one of those agencies that negotiate lower bills for self-paying women. I even researched what OB offices had low self pay rates or even free services. I was not overly worried about how I would pay for things. It was one of those “problems” that I felt I would be lucky to have.
And then I was lucky.
I received a nudge from a good friend that lives in another state but works with state funded programs. She walked me through the benefits of applying for state insurance and I felt all kinds of squeamish about it. I didn’t want to take assistance and prevent someone else from getting it. But then this friend told me that it doesn’t work that way. And that by getting help I am actually allowing these agencies to get more and better funding.
I figured it wouldn’t hurt to apply and if I wasn’t eligible then I wouldn’t get approved. So I went down to a local branch and had someone walk me through the application. Turns out my being a full time care-giver with no income (other than “room and board”) made me an ideal candidate for assistance. And yet the stigma was still floating around. I felt weird about it. Didn’t feel like I could blog about it without opening the door for someone to hate on me.
But my entire experience with the program has been amazing. Completely amazing. The program is simply state funded maternity coverage. Any woman that is you know what that makes below a certain amount of income (& you should check your state guidelines because the number is not as low as you might think) is considered automatically approved for coverage. No questions about pre-existing conditions, no questions about HOW you got you know what, no qualifying exams.
To qualify I had to fill out the application, I had to have a document that was proof of you know what, I needed a letter from Mother that stated that she covered my room and board and I needed a letter from GM’s doctor that indicated that she needed around the clock care and that I was the one providing it. The entire process from paperwork, to phone interview (to verify social security number and home address), and notification of acceptance took less than three weeks.
I thought that the quality of care would be sketchy, that I would only be allowed to see a hand-full of doctors or that I would only be seen like twice before April. That has not been the case at all. Most doctor’s staff are fully schooled in what is covered and what is not. And it turns out that state coverage covers a hell of a lot more than many ‘regular’ insurance companies.
So I bring all of this up because I was surprised and relieved that this was an option for me. I bring it up because I don’t want to have any shame in admitting that I need help. I don’t anyone else to feel that either. I have been through a lot of insurance hell and this is smoothest experience I have ever had with it.
Fall TV Discussion
So here is the grid that I made to help keep me organized for Fall television.I talk all about it over here. Come on over and let’s gab about tv!
All I can say is WOW.
WARNING: Do not read this post if you are in or near ‘The Bad Place’. Sunshine & Rainbows ahead…
Oh my goodness. The Snork is alive! It popped right up on the screen and you could immediately see the heartbeat. Of course I started crying and this giant headache I didn’t even realize I had lifted. Mother & GM were able to watch everything on a giant screen and the sono tech was awesome in pointing things out to us. There are arm buds and a giant head. And as Mother stood up to show these things to GM on the screen the Snork actually moved and started bouncing around. It looked like a peanut doing a jig.
Everything is measuring exactly on target and according to the tech is “perfect”. (my most favorite word)
If I said I was relieved that wouldn’t cover it. But luckily I can sort of spread my arms out and sigh and know that you all know exactly what I mean.
Thursday morning I still have my paperwork and nurse appointment to go over the schedule. And everyone will be getting LOTS of thank you muffins!
New image in The Snork Files.
My first Bridges Post is up!
I am so excited that my first post at Bridges is today. I selected this post because it shows the harsh realities of living with someone with Alzheimer’s. It can be brutal. Please take a moment to visit Bridges and if you have a first hand connection to Alzheimer’s I would love to hear it.
I am now actively hoping that GM has a good and calm and lucid day as she will be with me for the scan later this morning.
Tomorrow, tomorrow…
Holy cow. Just got a call from the scheduler that I had been dealing with all morning. She was calling to let me know that there had been a cancellation for a sono TOMORROW and would I like that appointment. Hells yes. Yes, yes. Yes infinity.
One more sleep.
Where being polite gets results
It has been a day of back and forth phone calls. The cycle went like this: OB office calls me, I call Mother, I call OB office, OB office calls me back, I call Northeast clinic*, I call OB office, OB office calls me, and one last call to Mother.
(*of course we had to have bonus stress of realizing that my very much needed records from the Northeast clinic had not yet arrived meaning that even if Fay had not canceled the world I would not have been able to be seen on Friday. How shitty would that have been?! Thankfully I have confirmation that the records were mailed on August 19th. One giant, fat, three years worth file is in the mail.)
So after much phoning (me/them) and pleading (me) and shuffling (them) we have a new appointment and thank the effing heavens it is THIS WEEK! I made a bold choice to be the nicest and most polite future patient ever and I think that had a LOT with the scheduling person suddenly whispering, “Hold on. I see the sono tech. Let me see if I can talk to her…” Sounds like another round of thank you notes will be written or at the very least people will be getting fancy lemon muffins on Thursday.
Thursday- that is right. Just 3 more sleeps. I can do that. Right? Sure I can.
See, what I totally failed at this morning was that forward way of processing that I royally suck at. I recently realized that I have a knee-jerk/ go-to reaction of: STRESS. I have to remind myself that I have a choice in how I react. It is my own choose your own adventure. But instead of “adventure” let’s say “emotion”. So a tropical storm cancelled my much desired ultrasound/OB appointment. I can chose to freak the fuck out (did that) or I can remain calm and be thankful that I am not bleeding or cramping. Freaking out got me no where fast. Being calm makes me feel more in charge.
So here is me actively trying to remain calm. How am I doing?
Where I learn just how weak I really am
OMFG. Just got off the phone with the OB office and looks like they don’t have another appointment available until mid September. To quote the scheduling lady, “It seems like that is far away, but it is really soon!” To quote me, “Are you serious??!!”
I totally lost it when I hung up the phone. I mean how on earth am I going to have the strength and fortitude to last another couple of weeks for an effing ultrasound? I try to be a tough-skinned bad-ass, but when it comes to fear about you know what I totally crumble. I am a hot, weepy mess right now.
I asked if she could have the office manager or head of scheduling call me. This office has multiple branches so maybe I could be seen at another branch??
Why oh why did I not marry Tom Cruise so that I could have my own personal ultrasound machine?
fuckity fuck fuck.
Hoping for a swift call back from someone in authority that can make magic happen. And if all of this is just one giant delay of really horrible news I will never be the same. Just so you know…
FAYtigue
So over the storm. Thank goodness we only had a case of the moderate sprinkles today. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love a dark and stormy night, but a week of stormy is not so much fun. Now I am willing the time to speed forward to 8:30 tomorrow morning when a certain office will be back open for business. I have no idea how backed up they got (they were closed, like the rest of this town, since Wednesday), but I hope I can manage to get a quickie reschedule.
Some of you have e-mailed and asked if we had any damage. So to answer your question: yes. Only we had no idea about any of it until the neighbors came and told us. Nothing like answering the door to a hand-wringing neighbor exclaiming that a tree from our yard is now on their house. And since we love nothing more than the beauty of symmetry we managed to get a tree on each of the neighboring houses.
We have taken photos and will e-mail them to the owner of the house and hope he can get someone out here pronto to fix. Sadly it looks like the only fix option is to cut the trees down. Granted they are not big trees (one is a cypress/fir tree, the other a bottle brush tree) but it is sad to see them in such a state of distress.
The other fun thing we had going on was some backyard flooding. Thankfully that seems to have worked itself out, but when you live in a state where alligators are everywhere the last thing you want to see in your backyard is a lake nearing your porch!
As for other stuff I think I am slowly pulling myself out of a sort of misplaced depression. Something I did not disclose was that I stopped the vitamin W the day I got my first beta call. I really thought I would be able to take it all the way through, but after much research I decided I didn’t want to chance anything. I kind of forgot that I had stopped the W until the other day when it hit me. And then (snap!) like that I felt normal. Sure I was scared, weepy, angsty, worried, crawling up the walls, but now I understood better why. I am always after the why.
Now I just need that appointment rescheduled and I can unclench my jaw.
And now for your tropical storm pleasure I present some photos:
A funny thing happened on the way…
Writing this super, crazy, no proof-reading fast as it is the first time we have had power in ages. I am sticky, gross, hot and have been sitting in the dark den for hours all alone with my over-active imagination. So today I am apparently 8 weeks you know what. And today I was supposed to have my big, fancy, everything is going to be ok, OB appointment.
Well that isn’t going to happen.
Everything is closed in this town. Things have been closed since Wednesday. Seriously- the entire town and county has been shut down and completely incapacitated by Tropical Storm/Hurricane Fay. There is flooding and crazy winds and the inability to sleep because of giant branches slicing away at your bedroom windows all night. And the awful thing is that it is so so fucking HOT. Hot and humid and wet and gross. You would think standing outside in a crazy gale of wind would cool things off. Not so much. It is like a massive and epic hair dryer pointed down.
Have I mentioned that I hate being hot? Have I mentioned that I was supposed to have THE appointment this morning? Have I mentioned that I have had next to no sleep because of creepy noises, giant winds, sirens, and hot temperatures?
And I am so afraid of bad things. SO afraid that this delay just means that bad things are coming. And I am trying so hard to just be in the moment and not place some sort of stupid metaphor on a tropical storm…but the whole things sucks ass. Just in case you were wondering. I am a buffet of anxiety.
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