When you least expect it

I have mentioned before that I am a genuine Ace when it comes to preparing for bad and shitty news. As much as I try to dwell in a hopeful place (& I genuinely do for other people), usually I am often having an internal battle with my resident pessimist that lives in my head and the result often sounds like this: “Here comes the bad stuff. Get ready. Brace yourself. Bad stuff is totally coming.”

My unpregnancy in December got me through 3 beta tests. They were betas of 36, 155, 160. And it was waiting for that 3rd beta that I began to really get worried. I started to feel horrible and doomsday from the inside out. And when the bad news call happened I didn’t even flinch. I was resolved instantly.

This morning I had blood drawn for my 3rd beta. It has been an anxious couple of days over here and I have felt very self-protective. My goal for the day was a very over-reaching goal. I wanted MORE than double. I wanted something that would blow the memory of the unpregnancy out of my mind. But a part of me worried that it would be a cycle of bad news.

All day I have been chanting “800 to 1000″ in my mind. See? Cocky overacheiving little fucker that I am, I wanted something beyond normal. I wanted Rock Star. Just once.

And when the home office covert fax arrived it freaked me out. I misread it totally. I saw the numbers “1025″ and nearly fell over from excitement. But then upon closer inspection I realized that “1025″ was actually “10:25″ as in that is when the blood arrived at the lab. The lab form was just my progesterone and estrogen levels. I would have to wait more.

Waiting sucks ass. But ya’ll know that.

Then another covert fax arrived. And I actually had to call Mother at work to see if she could see what I was seeing. It couldn’t be true.

Just when you least expect it good news can make you silent with shock and awe. Beta is 2171.

And not to say the P word or anything…but I think I might be knocked up right now. And I think I have never been this happy in all of my life. Bottling this feeling.

UPDATE:

Northeast clinic just called and they want me to have an ultrasound tomorrow or monday. Um. Holy shit!

July 31, 2008 | Filed Under knocked up?

Comments

113 Responses to “When you least expect it”

Lo on July 31st, 2008 6:42 pm

BUN IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Mo on July 31st, 2008 6:45 pm

You so deserve that feeling, girl. Rock on!
Andrea on July 31st, 2008 6:51 pm

WOW!!!
Amy on July 31st, 2008 7:00 pm

Am de-lurking to screeeeam YAAAAAY for you! I’ve followed you since before you moved to FL and am so glad you are finally getting the great news you deserve!
Enjoy being pregnant and the anticipation of bringing home that baby! I have not found a joy that equals it.
tanya on July 31st, 2008 7:00 pm

meep!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! *does a litle dance, bouncs and does a another little dance* SO happy for you!!!
tonya cinnamon on July 31st, 2008 7:03 pm

holy mother of god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woo !!
rock star hell… your a diva queen!!!!!
^________^
megan on July 31st, 2008 7:03 pm

i vote for tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!!!!!!!!

relieved and happy tears are a-flowing. i just love rock star numbers.

and, um, so what is your DPO equivalent right now????

tons of love to you!
TheMuriels on July 31st, 2008 7:04 pm

Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
amy on July 31st, 2008 7:10 pm

totally holy shit!! so, so happy for you! those early days/weeks are more stressful to me than the 2ww. hang in there, things are definitely falling into place nicely…
bleu on July 31st, 2008 7:13 pm

I am so excited and cannot wait to hear how many they see in the u/s!!!
jean on July 31st, 2008 7:14 pm

OMIGODDESS!!! This is the most superfantabulousawesomest news!

Bask in the light girlfriend.
sandra on July 31st, 2008 7:19 pm

You are sooooooooo pregnant!
sabrina on July 31st, 2008 7:22 pm

at work. tears in my eyes.
Blondie on July 31st, 2008 7:24 pm

I can think of no other woman more deserving of this happiness and joy than you, my dear sister. Here’s to the shit of the past that has made us the women that we are, and the joy of the future that will make us the women we were meant to be.

Love to you.

Seeyoubye!
Faith on July 31st, 2008 7:24 pm

WOOOT! I keep checking back hoping to see some excellent news. Glad to see it’s here!
hd on July 31st, 2008 7:25 pm

DUDE, I am CRYING. Seriously, the good stuff needs to be at the TOP of the page!!!!!!!
Olive on July 31st, 2008 7:25 pm

Holy shit! That’s unbelievable!
Sarah on July 31st, 2008 7:26 pm

Amazing!!! Seems like they must be thinking….more than one? Dare we even think it?
TTCinDC on July 31st, 2008 7:29 pm

Congrats. That’s a totally rock star beta right there.
Jen on July 31st, 2008 7:33 pm

Rock on! Your uterus is a Rock Star! So is the rest of you, of course!

Oh, I so cannot wait for the ultrasound! Any chance you can manage to live blog it?
Michell on July 31st, 2008 7:33 pm

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a totally rock star beta. So excited.
Becky on July 31st, 2008 7:34 pm

Dude, maybe I just peed myself. A lot. Okay, so I did.
Beth on July 31st, 2008 7:42 pm

oh my - Oh My - OH MY FREAKIN GAWD WOMAN!!!

**happy dancin all OVER my office**

That’s so awesome, I cannot even describe the awesomeness of it all!
gabrielle on July 31st, 2008 7:46 pm

I can’t believe you made us read the whole post to figure out your fab news!!! Waiting DOES suck, you tease!

Congrats! You ARE a rock star. A rock start with over the moon cool numbers.
cait on July 31st, 2008 7:53 pm

HOLY SHIT! That is one kick-ass beta!
E on July 31st, 2008 7:53 pm

now that’s one hell of a beta!!!!! rock on! and, um, yeah, i’d say you are the “P” word! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Cynthia on July 31st, 2008 7:54 pm

I literally hold my breath when I see your blog’s name get bold on my Google Reader and I click to read the latest update. Please get the ultrasound tomorrow - I can’t wait until Monday!!
JB on July 31st, 2008 7:59 pm

How exciting! This is awesome!!!!!!
Rachel on July 31st, 2008 8:04 pm

So, so happy for you. May your joy, like your beta, multiply exponentially.
michelle on July 31st, 2008 8:08 pm

Awesome beta, congrats. You are definitely knocked up….. Twins??
gypsygrrl on July 31st, 2008 8:08 pm

2171
*thud*
ummm. WOW?
i am stunned… and sooooooooooo excited for you!
you make one hell of a knocked-up rock star!!!

love you tons,
gypsy

PS ~ i AM playing that number for you tonight…..
michelle on July 31st, 2008 8:09 pm

Awesome beta, congrats! You are definitely knocked up….could it be twins??
Elowyn on July 31st, 2008 8:12 pm

Holy shit indeed! Woohoo for the great fantabulous number, and I can’t wait to hear about the u/s either!!!

{in the world’s smallest voice} how many did you transfer?
Care on July 31st, 2008 8:16 pm

That is so fantastic!!!!! Cannot wait to hear what the ultrasound shows! I’m so so happy for you!!!
N on July 31st, 2008 8:16 pm

*throws a party for you*
Brigindo on July 31st, 2008 8:35 pm

I totally got chills reading that number and I’m not even sure what it really means other than that your preggers.

This is so exciting and I’m so happy for you.
Whozat on July 31st, 2008 8:47 pm

Awesome, awesome, awesome!

Can’t wait for the ultrasound!
perchancetodream on July 31st, 2008 8:48 pm

Talk about an over-achiever!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! We’ll all say the “p” word for you! I hope all of your dreams come true…..
Jendeis on July 31st, 2008 8:51 pm

Beeyotch! I was so thinking you were about to tell us horrible news. You suck. I love ya though — CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Hannah on July 31st, 2008 9:04 pm

*snoopy dance*

This is so exciting!

Congratulations!!
Jess on July 31st, 2008 9:07 pm

So thrilled for you! I want to write the P word a million times to you!!! pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant……
Rebecca on July 31st, 2008 9:08 pm

I was one of the women in your buddy group on F.F. back in December, and I have been reading (er, lurking on) your blog ever since. I am so happy for you right now, I am about to burst — CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Beck on July 31st, 2008 9:09 pm

DAMN WOMAN! You have me in tears. That is pregnant alright! **woohoo!** **woohoo!** Those are the best beta numbers I have ever HEARD of!! I cannot wait for the ultrasound tomorrrow. CONGRATS!
Melissa on July 31st, 2008 9:16 pm

Um…Cali…..guess what? You are SOOOOO pregnant, girl!! By the way, that is higher than my beta was at that point….with the Twincredible Twosome. Just FYI…….not that it proves anything, but twins are super cool!
Heather on July 31st, 2008 9:27 pm

YEAH!! YEAH!! YEAH!! WOO HOO!!
PiquantMolly on July 31st, 2008 9:32 pm

I cannot even express how happy I am for you, darling! That is a fucking OVERACHIEVING-ASS EMBRYO(s?)!!

Can’t wait to hear the ultrasound results!
Amy on July 31st, 2008 9:34 pm

I am so happy for you! You are so preg!!!!!!!!!
sara on July 31st, 2008 9:39 pm

WooHoo!!! Congratulations!! Could there be twins in your future???
J on July 31st, 2008 9:43 pm

WOWZA!
Awesome news Cali!
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
Jade on July 31st, 2008 9:52 pm

You sooooo deserve this, I am really happy for you!!!!
Io on July 31st, 2008 9:52 pm

Damn girl - you have a soccer team in there or something? (YAY!)
meanmama on July 31st, 2008 9:57 pm

Um, wow. Let me know if you need any twins advice.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
luna on July 31st, 2008 10:03 pm

wow, cali, you go! so happy for you.
Jennifer on July 31st, 2008 10:12 pm

You Rock! Can’t wait to hear how many are in there a growin!
Kat on July 31st, 2008 10:13 pm

Fantastic! And ditto what pp said-you gotta post your good news FIRST-I was holdin my breath the whole read-u totally freaked me out! Anyway-super happy for ya! It’s lookin real good!
Bianca on July 31st, 2008 10:16 pm

Fan-freaking-tastic!
Ordy on July 31st, 2008 10:17 pm

I just have one thing to say OhmygodHolyfuckinshitI’msoexcitedforyou!!!!
Debbinla on July 31st, 2008 10:29 pm

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME !!!!
Debbinla on July 31st, 2008 10:30 pm

i was going to write that 2171 times, but i am at work…..
Wishinghopingpraying on July 31st, 2008 10:32 pm

I am thrilled for you! Congratulations
B on July 31st, 2008 10:37 pm

my GOD! I’m thinking you’ve got a bundle in there….. CONGRATS!!!
Sara - Village on July 31st, 2008 10:41 pm

PREGNANT!!!!!
Jessie on July 31st, 2008 10:46 pm

Why hello there prego one!
Bebunu on July 31st, 2008 11:00 pm

I am soo super excited for you! Yay!!!
Sherri on July 31st, 2008 11:33 pm

Ummm….I’m thinking twins!
V on July 31st, 2008 11:42 pm

Hey Mama! You are so pregnant..Go Cali!!!
Sarah on August 1st, 2008 12:06 am

You are Rock Star pregnant!!!!!! YAY!
Clementine on August 1st, 2008 12:10 am

I’m so, so happy for you! Now I’m waiting with bated breath for your ultrasound post…
Timaree on August 1st, 2008 12:10 am

That is one fantastic beta, girl! I am so excited for you. You are undoubtedly pregnant. Now, stop waiting for bad news. It’s time for you to focus on being PREGNANT!
sarzini on August 1st, 2008 12:36 am

I think you need to change your filed under category from “knocked up?” to “HELL YEAH I’M PREGNANT!”.

Oh and please because, ’cause seriously it’s all about us on the internets, get the u/s soon. I’m also due to give birth myself within the next 12-14 days and would like to know you’re OK while I’m in the hospital
Clementine on August 1st, 2008 12:38 am

Yeah! Congratulations - what awesome and amazing news! I am beyond thrilled for you.
shelli on August 1st, 2008 12:43 am

crying tears of happiness, sweetheart.

knocked up, bun in the oven, call it what you will, it’s good, baby!
G on August 1st, 2008 12:58 am

Holy Shit batman! Can’t wait for the U/S …
Eva on August 1st, 2008 1:02 am

Yes!
Kim on August 1st, 2008 1:09 am

fan-freakin’-tastic!
Jude on August 1st, 2008 1:28 am

Twins, baby! AWWWH YEAH!!!
Amanda on August 1st, 2008 1:43 am

HOLY COW!!!!!! What a wonderful number!!!!! I can’t wait to read how wonderfully things go tomorrow or Monday!!!! Yay!!!
Lisa on August 1st, 2008 2:14 am

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy with you!!!
Amy on August 1st, 2008 2:15 am

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
honeywine on August 1st, 2008 2:42 am

Can I just tell you how incredibly, genuinely happy I am for you? I cannot wait to start seeing the posts that I know are coming like “baby bump alert”.
Co on August 1st, 2008 2:43 am

yeah, once the beta is 2000 or more, it can definitely be u/s time. hurray!
shannon on August 1st, 2008 5:02 am

If I knew how to knit, I would totally be knitting a pair of booties for you! Congratulations!
MargieinAZ on August 1st, 2008 8:07 am

OMG, So excited and happy for you!!!
Can’t wait to see the u/s results!
Bärbel on August 1st, 2008 8:33 am

Oh my god!! I have been thinking about you a lot and crossing my thumbs like crazy! That is awesome news!!!!!
SCY on August 1st, 2008 8:49 am

Freaking Fantastic News! You are SO knocked up

Cannot wait to hear about the ultrasound!!!
vee on August 1st, 2008 9:35 am

Awsome!! Huge relief. PREGNANT!!!!
jay on August 1st, 2008 9:36 am

BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank F*ck for that. (And damn the time difference, again!!) xxxx
Cat on August 1st, 2008 9:53 am

Amazing Beta!
Can’t wait to hear about the ultrasound!
Congratulations!
MP on August 1st, 2008 10:19 am

YAY!!!!
Sarah and BB on August 1st, 2008 11:14 am

I am so so so happy for you. Those are awesome numbers! Mega-Kick-Ass Numbers!!
Betty M on August 1st, 2008 11:49 am

Wow - fantastic news!
Tamsen on August 1st, 2008 12:03 pm

Calli, I cheated, I jumped right to the end…. to read the best part first. OH MY GOD CALLI! So thrilled for you right now, over the moon.
Debbie on August 1st, 2008 12:40 pm

That is awesome news. CONGRATS!!
niobe on August 1st, 2008 12:53 pm

What a beautiful number…
Alex on August 1st, 2008 1:12 pm

See, you ARE rock star!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO!!!!
Kimmyann on August 1st, 2008 1:21 pm

Maybe two little peapods!
Melody on August 1st, 2008 1:35 pm

WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Just a trumpet player on August 1st, 2008 1:35 pm

I’m apparently a cheater too ’cause I went straight to the end…

Congratulations !! Hoping and wishing for the best !!
cristin on August 1st, 2008 1:48 pm

AMAZING! I have tears in my eyes!
Chris on August 1st, 2008 2:15 pm

I haven’t been giddy in a LONG time. I’d forgotten what it felt like. Woo! Yay!
Jessica Combs on August 1st, 2008 2:28 pm

Congratulations!!!!!!!!
Malloryn on August 1st, 2008 2:35 pm

This is wonderful…. congratulations!!!
cooler*doula on August 1st, 2008 3:20 pm
Salome on August 1st, 2008 3:32 pm

Yay! I’m so happy for you. I’ve read your blog for a long time and I really like your attitude and your honesty. So many bloggers are either unable to express themselves well or they try to portray themselves in the best possible light. I appreciate candor and a sense of humor. You’re a rare gem in blogland and I’m so looking forward to reading about your adventures in motherhood.
Kerry on August 1st, 2008 5:59 pm

WOOHOO !!!!Congrats you are so deserving of this!!
Pam on August 1st, 2008 6:02 pm

Yeah Cali!!! That’s awesome!
cat on August 1st, 2008 6:25 pm

best thing I’ve read all day.

wishes for a mundane, regular ole pregnancy from here on out chica.

love.
Emily on August 1st, 2008 9:25 pm

Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness.
Holy crap.
AMAZING. I am so happy that your beta is nice & strong and that it blew you away. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rebeccah on August 2nd, 2008 1:42 am

Holy shit indeed!!!!! This is the best best best BEST news!!!!!
Will Baby Dust Take Me Somewhere Over the Rainbow? » The Egg Drop Post on August 3rd, 2008 11:22 pm

[...] pregnancies of some of my blogopshere sistren who’ve been at if for a while: Vee and Jay and Calli. And I’m so happy for them. Additionally, Oneofhismoms, welcomed home her bouncing baby joy, [...]
Jen, the dismantled armadillo on August 4th, 2008 6:34 pm

I disappear for a month and you go a get knocked up! Way to go Knew it had to happen soon. And look at that beta!!! *huggles*
Barb on August 5th, 2008 5:53 pm

WHOA! FRIGGIN AWESOME!
Me on August 5th, 2008 9:50 pm

WOOT! WOOT!