When you least expect it

I have mentioned before that I am a genuine Ace when it comes to preparing for bad and shitty news. As much as I try to dwell in a hopeful place (& I genuinely do for other people), usually I am often having an internal battle with my resident pessimist that lives in my head and the result often sounds like this: “Here comes the bad stuff. Get ready. Brace yourself. Bad stuff is totally coming.”

My unpregnancy in December got me through 3 beta tests. They were betas of 36, 155, 160. And it was waiting for that 3rd beta that I began to really get worried. I started to feel horrible and doomsday from the inside out. And when the bad news call happened I didn’t even flinch. I was resolved instantly.

This morning I had blood drawn for my 3rd beta. It has been an anxious couple of days over here and I have felt very self-protective. My goal for the day was a very over-reaching goal. I wanted MORE than double. I wanted something that would blow the memory of the unpregnancy out of my mind. But a part of me worried that it would be a cycle of bad news.

All day I have been chanting “800 to 1000″ in my mind. See? Cocky overacheiving little fucker that I am, I wanted something beyond normal. I wanted Rock Star. Just once.

And when the home office covert fax arrived it freaked me out. I misread it totally. I saw the numbers “1025″ and nearly fell over from excitement. But then upon closer inspection I realized that “1025″ was actually “10:25″ as in that is when the blood arrived at the lab. The lab form was just my progesterone and estrogen levels. I would have to wait more.

Waiting sucks ass. But ya’ll know that.

Then another covert fax arrived. And I actually had to call Mother at work to see if she could see what I was seeing. It couldn’t be true.

Just when you least expect it good news can make you silent with shock and awe. Beta is 2171.

And not to say the P word or anything…but I think I might be knocked up right now. And I think I have never been this happy in all of my life. Bottling this feeling.

UPDATE:

Northeast clinic just called and they want me to have an ultrasound tomorrow or monday. Um. Holy shit!

Comments

113 Responses to “When you least expect it”

  1. LoNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 6:42 pm

    BUN IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!
    YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

  2. MoNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 6:45 pm

    You so deserve that feeling, girl. Rock on!

  3. AndreaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 6:51 pm

    WOW!!!

  4. AmyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:00 pm

    Am de-lurking to screeeeam YAAAAAY for you! I’ve followed you since before you moved to FL and am so glad you are finally getting the great news you deserve!
    Enjoy being pregnant and the anticipation of bringing home that baby! I have not found a joy that equals it.

  5. tanyaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:00 pm

    meep!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! *does a litle dance, bouncs and does a another little dance* SO happy for you!!!

  6. tonya cinnamonNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:03 pm

    holy mother of god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    woo !!
    rock star hell… your a diva queen!!!!!
    ^________^

  7. meganNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:03 pm

    i vote for tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!!!!!!!!

    relieved and happy tears are a-flowing. i just love rock star numbers.

    and, um, so what is your DPO equivalent right now????

    tons of love to you!

  8. TheMurielsNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:04 pm

    Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. amyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:10 pm

    totally holy shit!! so, so happy for you! those early days/weeks are more stressful to me than the 2ww. hang in there, things are definitely falling into place nicely…

  10. bleuNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:13 pm

    I am so excited and cannot wait to hear how many they see in the u/s!!!

  11. jeanNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:14 pm

    OMIGODDESS!!! This is the most superfantabulousawesomest news!

    Bask in the light girlfriend.

  12. sandraNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:19 pm

    You are sooooooooo pregnant!

  13. sabrinaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:22 pm

    at work. tears in my eyes.

  14. BlondieNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:24 pm

    I can think of no other woman more deserving of this happiness and joy than you, my dear sister. Here’s to the shit of the past that has made us the women that we are, and the joy of the future that will make us the women we were meant to be.

    Love to you.

    Seeyoubye!

  15. FaithNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:24 pm

    WOOOT! I keep checking back hoping to see some excellent news. :D Glad to see it’s here!

  16. hdNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:25 pm

    DUDE, I am CRYING. Seriously, the good stuff needs to be at the TOP of the page!!!!!!!

  17. OliveNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:25 pm

    Holy shit! That’s unbelievable!

  18. SarahNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:26 pm

    Amazing!!! Seems like they must be thinking….more than one? Dare we even think it?

  19. TTCinDCNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:29 pm

    Congrats. That’s a totally rock star beta right there.

  20. JenNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:33 pm

    Rock on! Your uterus is a Rock Star! So is the rest of you, of course!

    Oh, I so cannot wait for the ultrasound! Any chance you can manage to live blog it? :)

  21. MichellNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:33 pm

    Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a totally rock star beta. So excited.

  22. BeckyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:34 pm

    Dude, maybe I just peed myself. A lot. Okay, so I did.

  23. BethNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:42 pm

    oh my - Oh My - OH MY FREAKIN GAWD WOMAN!!!

    **happy dancin all OVER my office**

    That’s so awesome, I cannot even describe the awesomeness of it all!

  24. gabrielleNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:46 pm

    I can’t believe you made us read the whole post to figure out your fab news!!! Waiting DOES suck, you tease!

    Congrats! You ARE a rock star. A rock start with over the moon cool numbers.

  25. caitNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:53 pm

    HOLY SHIT! That is one kick-ass beta!

  26. ENo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:53 pm

    now that’s one hell of a beta!!!!! rock on! and, um, yeah, i’d say you are the “P” word! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  27. CynthiaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:54 pm

    I literally hold my breath when I see your blog’s name get bold on my Google Reader and I click to read the latest update. Please get the ultrasound tomorrow - I can’t wait until Monday!!

  28. JBNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 7:59 pm

    How exciting! This is awesome!!!!!!

  29. RachelNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:04 pm

    So, so happy for you. May your joy, like your beta, multiply exponentially.

  30. michelleNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:08 pm

    Awesome beta, congrats. You are definitely knocked up….. Twins??

  31. gypsygrrlNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:08 pm

    2171
    *thud*
    ummm. WOW?
    i am stunned… and sooooooooooo excited for you!
    you make one hell of a knocked-up rock star!!!

    love you tons,
    gypsy

    PS ~ i AM playing that number for you tonight…..

  32. michelleNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:09 pm

    Awesome beta, congrats! You are definitely knocked up….could it be twins??

  33. ElowynNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:12 pm

    Holy shit indeed! Woohoo for the great fantabulous number, and I can’t wait to hear about the u/s either!!!

    {in the world’s smallest voice} how many did you transfer?

  34. CareNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:16 pm

    That is so fantastic!!!!! Cannot wait to hear what the ultrasound shows! I’m so so happy for you!!!

  35. NNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:16 pm

    *throws a party for you*

  36. BrigindoNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:35 pm

    I totally got chills reading that number and I’m not even sure what it really means other than that your preggers.

    This is so exciting and I’m so happy for you.

  37. WhozatNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:47 pm

    Awesome, awesome, awesome!

    Can’t wait for the ultrasound!

  38. perchancetodreamNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:48 pm

    Talk about an over-achiever!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! We’ll all say the “p” word for you! I hope all of your dreams come true…..

  39. JendeisNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 8:51 pm

    Beeyotch! I was so thinking you were about to tell us horrible news. You suck. I love ya though — CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

  40. HannahNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:04 pm

    *snoopy dance*

    This is so exciting!

    Congratulations!!

  41. JessNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:07 pm

    So thrilled for you! I want to write the P word a million times to you!!! pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant……

  42. RebeccaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:08 pm

    I was one of the women in your buddy group on F.F. back in December, and I have been reading (er, lurking on) your blog ever since. I am so happy for you right now, I am about to burst — CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  43. BeckNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:09 pm

    DAMN WOMAN! You have me in tears. That is pregnant alright! **woohoo!** **woohoo!** Those are the best beta numbers I have ever HEARD of!! I cannot wait for the ultrasound tomorrrow. CONGRATS!

  44. MelissaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:16 pm

    Um…Cali…..guess what? You are SOOOOO pregnant, girl!! By the way, that is higher than my beta was at that point….with the Twincredible Twosome. Just FYI…….not that it proves anything, but twins are super cool!

  45. HeatherNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:27 pm

    YEAH!! YEAH!! YEAH!! WOO HOO!!

  46. PiquantMollyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:32 pm

    I cannot even express how happy I am for you, darling! That is a fucking OVERACHIEVING-ASS EMBRYO(s?)!!

    Can’t wait to hear the ultrasound results!

  47. AmyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:34 pm

    I am so happy for you! You are so preg!!!!!!!!!

  48. saraNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:39 pm

    WooHoo!!! Congratulations!! Could there be twins in your future???

  49. JNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:43 pm

    WOWZA!
    Awesome news Cali!
    WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!

  50. JadeNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:52 pm

    You sooooo deserve this, I am really happy for you!!!!

  51. IoNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:52 pm

    Damn girl - you have a soccer team in there or something? (YAY!)

  52. meanmamaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 9:57 pm

    Um, wow. Let me know if you need any twins advice.
    Just kidding.
    Sort of.

  53. lunaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:03 pm

    wow, cali, you go! so happy for you.

  54. JenniferNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:12 pm

    You Rock! Can’t wait to hear how many are in there a growin! :)

  55. KatNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:13 pm

    Fantastic! And ditto what pp said-you gotta post your good news FIRST-I was holdin my breath the whole read-u totally freaked me out! Anyway-super happy for ya! It’s lookin real good!

  56. BiancaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:16 pm

    Fan-freaking-tastic!

  57. OrdyNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:17 pm

    I just have one thing to say OhmygodHolyfuckinshitI’msoexcitedforyou!!!!

  58. DebbinlaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:29 pm

    AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME !!!!

  59. DebbinlaNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:30 pm

    i was going to write that 2171 times, but i am at work…..

  60. WishinghopingprayingNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:32 pm

    I am thrilled for you! Congratulations :-)

  61. BNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:37 pm

    my GOD! I’m thinking you’ve got a bundle in there….. CONGRATS!!!

  62. Sara - VillageNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:41 pm

    PREGNANT!!!!!

  63. JessieNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 10:46 pm

    Why hello there prego one!

  64. BebunuNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 11:00 pm

    I am soo super excited for you! Yay!!!

  65. SherriNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 11:33 pm

    Ummm….I’m thinking twins!

  66. VNo Gravatar on July 31st, 2008 11:42 pm

    Hey Mama! You are so pregnant..Go Cali!!! :)

  67. SarahNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:06 am

    You are Rock Star pregnant!!!!!! YAY!

  68. ClementineNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:10 am

    I’m so, so happy for you! Now I’m waiting with bated breath for your ultrasound post…

  69. TimareeNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:10 am

    That is one fantastic beta, girl! I am so excited for you. You are undoubtedly pregnant. Now, stop waiting for bad news. It’s time for you to focus on being PREGNANT!

  70. sarziniNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:36 am

    I think you need to change your filed under category from “knocked up?” to “HELL YEAH I’M PREGNANT!”.

    Oh and please because, ’cause seriously it’s all about us on the internets, get the u/s soon. I’m also due to give birth myself within the next 12-14 days and would like to know you’re OK while I’m in the hospital :)

  71. ClementineNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:38 am

    Yeah! Congratulations - what awesome and amazing news! I am beyond thrilled for you.

  72. shelliNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:43 am

    crying tears of happiness, sweetheart.

    knocked up, bun in the oven, call it what you will, it’s good, baby!

  73. GNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:58 am

    Holy Shit batman! Can’t wait for the U/S … :-D

  74. EvaNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:02 am

    Yes!

  75. KimNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:09 am

    fan-freakin’-tastic!

  76. JudeNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:28 am

    Twins, baby! AWWWH YEAH!!!

  77. AmandaNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:43 am

    HOLY COW!!!!!! What a wonderful number!!!!! I can’t wait to read how wonderfully things go tomorrow or Monday!!!! Yay!!!

  78. LisaNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:14 am

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy with you!!!

  79. AmyNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:15 am

    Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  80. honeywineNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:42 am

    Can I just tell you how incredibly, genuinely happy I am for you? I cannot wait to start seeing the posts that I know are coming like “baby bump alert”. :)

  81. CoNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:43 am

    yeah, once the beta is 2000 or more, it can definitely be u/s time. hurray!

  82. shannonNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 5:02 am

    If I knew how to knit, I would totally be knitting a pair of booties for you! Congratulations!

  83. MargieinAZNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 8:07 am

    OMG, So excited and happy for you!!!
    Can’t wait to see the u/s results!

  84. BärbelNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 8:33 am

    Oh my god!! I have been thinking about you a lot and crossing my thumbs like crazy! That is awesome news!!!!!

  85. SCYNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 8:49 am

    Freaking Fantastic News! You are SO knocked up :)

    Cannot wait to hear about the ultrasound!!!

  86. veeNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 9:35 am

    Awsome!! Huge relief. PREGNANT!!!!

  87. jayNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 9:36 am

    BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank F*ck for that. (And damn the time difference, again!!) xxxx

  88. CatNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 9:53 am

    Amazing Beta!
    Can’t wait to hear about the ultrasound!
    Congratulations!

  89. MPNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 10:19 am

    YAY!!!!

  90. Sarah and BBNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 11:14 am

    I am so so so happy for you. Those are awesome numbers! Mega-Kick-Ass Numbers!!

  91. Betty MNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 11:49 am

    Wow - fantastic news!

  92. TamsenNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:03 pm

    Calli, I cheated, I jumped right to the end…. to read the best part first. OH MY GOD CALLI! So thrilled for you right now, over the moon.

  93. DebbieNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:40 pm

    That is awesome news. CONGRATS!!

  94. niobeNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 12:53 pm

    What a beautiful number…

  95. AlexNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:12 pm

    See, you ARE rock star!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO!!!!

  96. KimmyannNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:21 pm

    Maybe two little peapods!

  97. MelodyNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:35 pm

    WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!

  98. Just a trumpet playerNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:35 pm

    I’m apparently a cheater too ’cause I went straight to the end…

    Congratulations !! Hoping and wishing for the best !!

  99. cristinNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 1:48 pm

    AMAZING! I have tears in my eyes!

  100. ChrisNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:15 pm

    I haven’t been giddy in a LONG time. I’d forgotten what it felt like. Woo! Yay!

  101. Jessica CombsNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:28 pm

    Congratulations!!!!!!!!

  102. MallorynNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 2:35 pm

    This is wonderful…. congratulations!!!

  103. cooler*doulaNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 3:20 pm

    :)

  104. SalomeNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 3:32 pm

    Yay! I’m so happy for you. I’ve read your blog for a long time and I really like your attitude and your honesty. So many bloggers are either unable to express themselves well or they try to portray themselves in the best possible light. I appreciate candor and a sense of humor. You’re a rare gem in blogland and I’m so looking forward to reading about your adventures in motherhood.

  105. KerryNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 5:59 pm

    WOOHOO !!!!Congrats you are so deserving of this!!

  106. PamNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 6:02 pm

    Yeah Cali!!! That’s awesome!

  107. catNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 6:25 pm

    best thing I’ve read all day.

    wishes for a mundane, regular ole pregnancy from here on out chica.

    love.

  108. EmilyNo Gravatar on August 1st, 2008 9:25 pm

    Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness.
    Holy crap.
    AMAZING. I am so happy that your beta is nice & strong and that it blew you away. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  109. RebeccahNo Gravatar on August 2nd, 2008 1:42 am

    Holy shit indeed!!!!! This is the best best best BEST news!!!!!

  110. Will Baby Dust Take Me Somewhere Over the Rainbow? » The Egg Drop Post on August 3rd, 2008 11:22 pm

    [...] pregnancies of some of my blogopshere sistren who’ve been at if for a while: Vee and Jay and Calli. And I’m so happy for them. Additionally, Oneofhismoms, welcomed home her bouncing baby joy, [...]

  111. Jen, the dismantled armadilloNo Gravatar on August 4th, 2008 6:34 pm

    I disappear for a month and you go a get knocked up! Way to go :) Knew it had to happen soon. And look at that beta!!! *huggles*

  112. BarbNo Gravatar on August 5th, 2008 5:53 pm

    WHOA! FRIGGIN AWESOME!

  113. MeNo Gravatar on August 5th, 2008 9:50 pm

    WOOT! WOOT!

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