When you least expect it
I have mentioned before that I am a genuine Ace when it comes to preparing for bad and shitty news. As much as I try to dwell in a hopeful place (& I genuinely do for other people), usually I am often having an internal battle with my resident pessimist that lives in my head and the result often sounds like this: “Here comes the bad stuff. Get ready. Brace yourself. Bad stuff is totally coming.”
My unpregnancy in December got me through 3 beta tests. They were betas of 36, 155, 160. And it was waiting for that 3rd beta that I began to really get worried. I started to feel horrible and doomsday from the inside out. And when the bad news call happened I didn’t even flinch. I was resolved instantly.
This morning I had blood drawn for my 3rd beta. It has been an anxious couple of days over here and I have felt very self-protective. My goal for the day was a very over-reaching goal. I wanted MORE than double. I wanted something that would blow the memory of the unpregnancy out of my mind. But a part of me worried that it would be a cycle of bad news.
All day I have been chanting “800 to 1000″ in my mind. See? Cocky overacheiving little fucker that I am, I wanted something beyond normal. I wanted Rock Star. Just once.
And when the home office covert fax arrived it freaked me out. I misread it totally. I saw the numbers “1025″ and nearly fell over from excitement. But then upon closer inspection I realized that “1025″ was actually “10:25″ as in that is when the blood arrived at the lab. The lab form was just my progesterone and estrogen levels. I would have to wait more.
Waiting sucks ass. But ya’ll know that.
Then another covert fax arrived. And I actually had to call Mother at work to see if she could see what I was seeing. It couldn’t be true.
Just when you least expect it good news can make you silent with shock and awe. Beta is 2171.
And not to say the P word or anything…but I think I might be knocked up right now. And I think I have never been this happy in all of my life. Bottling this feeling.
UPDATE:
Northeast clinic just called and they want me to have an ultrasound tomorrow or monday. Um. Holy shit!
July 31st, 2008 at 6:42 pm
BUN IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 6:45 pm
You so deserve that feeling, girl. Rock on!
July 31st, 2008 at 6:51 pm
WOW!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Am de-lurking to screeeeam YAAAAAY for you! I’ve followed you since before you moved to FL and am so glad you are finally getting the great news you deserve!
Enjoy being pregnant and the anticipation of bringing home that baby! I have not found a joy that equals it.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
meep!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! *does a litle dance, bouncs and does a another little dance* SO happy for you!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:03 pm
holy mother of god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woo !!
rock star hell… your a diva queen!!!!!
^________^
July 31st, 2008 at 7:03 pm
i vote for tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!!!!!!!!
relieved and happy tears are a-flowing. i just love rock star numbers.
and, um, so what is your DPO equivalent right now????
tons of love to you!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:10 pm
totally holy shit!! so, so happy for you! those early days/weeks are more stressful to me than the 2ww. hang in there, things are definitely falling into place nicely…
July 31st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I am so excited and cannot wait to hear how many they see in the u/s!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:14 pm
OMIGODDESS!!! This is the most superfantabulousawesomest news!
Bask in the light girlfriend.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:19 pm
You are sooooooooo pregnant!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:22 pm
at work. tears in my eyes.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I can think of no other woman more deserving of this happiness and joy than you, my dear sister. Here’s to the shit of the past that has made us the women that we are, and the joy of the future that will make us the women we were meant to be.
Love to you.
Seeyoubye!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
WOOOT! I keep checking back hoping to see some excellent news.
Glad to see it’s here!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:25 pm
DUDE, I am CRYING. Seriously, the good stuff needs to be at the TOP of the page!!!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Holy shit! That’s unbelievable!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Amazing!!! Seems like they must be thinking….more than one? Dare we even think it?
July 31st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Congrats. That’s a totally rock star beta right there.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Rock on! Your uterus is a Rock Star! So is the rest of you, of course!
Oh, I so cannot wait for the ultrasound! Any chance you can manage to live blog it?
July 31st, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a totally rock star beta. So excited.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Dude, maybe I just peed myself. A lot. Okay, so I did.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
oh my - Oh My - OH MY FREAKIN GAWD WOMAN!!!
**happy dancin all OVER my office**
That’s so awesome, I cannot even describe the awesomeness of it all!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I can’t believe you made us read the whole post to figure out your fab news!!! Waiting DOES suck, you tease!
Congrats! You ARE a rock star. A rock start with over the moon cool numbers.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
HOLY SHIT! That is one kick-ass beta!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
now that’s one hell of a beta!!!!! rock on! and, um, yeah, i’d say you are the “P” word! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I literally hold my breath when I see your blog’s name get bold on my Google Reader and I click to read the latest update. Please get the ultrasound tomorrow - I can’t wait until Monday!!
July 31st, 2008 at 7:59 pm
How exciting! This is awesome!!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 8:04 pm
So, so happy for you. May your joy, like your beta, multiply exponentially.
July 31st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Awesome beta, congrats. You are definitely knocked up….. Twins??
July 31st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
2171
*thud*
ummm. WOW?
i am stunned… and sooooooooooo excited for you!
you make one hell of a knocked-up rock star!!!
love you tons,
gypsy
PS ~ i AM playing that number for you tonight…..
July 31st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Awesome beta, congrats! You are definitely knocked up….could it be twins??
July 31st, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Holy shit indeed! Woohoo for the great fantabulous number, and I can’t wait to hear about the u/s either!!!
{in the world’s smallest voice} how many did you transfer?
July 31st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
That is so fantastic!!!!! Cannot wait to hear what the ultrasound shows! I’m so so happy for you!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
*throws a party for you*
July 31st, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I totally got chills reading that number and I’m not even sure what it really means other than that your preggers.
This is so exciting and I’m so happy for you.
July 31st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Awesome, awesome, awesome!
Can’t wait for the ultrasound!
July 31st, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Talk about an over-achiever!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! We’ll all say the “p” word for you! I hope all of your dreams come true…..
July 31st, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Beeyotch! I was so thinking you were about to tell us horrible news. You suck. I love ya though — CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:04 pm
*snoopy dance*
This is so exciting!
Congratulations!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:07 pm
So thrilled for you! I want to write the P word a million times to you!!! pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant……
July 31st, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I was one of the women in your buddy group on F.F. back in December, and I have been reading (er, lurking on) your blog ever since. I am so happy for you right now, I am about to burst — CONGRATULATIONS!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:09 pm
DAMN WOMAN! You have me in tears. That is pregnant alright! **woohoo!** **woohoo!** Those are the best beta numbers I have ever HEARD of!! I cannot wait for the ultrasound tomorrrow. CONGRATS!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Um…Cali…..guess what? You are SOOOOO pregnant, girl!! By the way, that is higher than my beta was at that point….with the Twincredible Twosome. Just FYI…….not that it proves anything, but twins are super cool!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:27 pm
YEAH!! YEAH!! YEAH!! WOO HOO!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I cannot even express how happy I am for you, darling! That is a fucking OVERACHIEVING-ASS EMBRYO(s?)!!
Can’t wait to hear the ultrasound results!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:34 pm
I am so happy for you! You are so preg!!!!!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:39 pm
WooHoo!!! Congratulations!! Could there be twins in your future???
July 31st, 2008 at 9:43 pm
WOWZA!
Awesome news Cali!
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:52 pm
You sooooo deserve this, I am really happy for you!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Damn girl - you have a soccer team in there or something? (YAY!)
July 31st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Um, wow. Let me know if you need any twins advice.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
July 31st, 2008 at 10:03 pm
wow, cali, you go! so happy for you.
July 31st, 2008 at 10:12 pm
You Rock! Can’t wait to hear how many are in there a growin!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Fantastic! And ditto what pp said-you gotta post your good news FIRST-I was holdin my breath the whole read-u totally freaked me out! Anyway-super happy for ya! It’s lookin real good!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Fan-freaking-tastic!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I just have one thing to say OhmygodHolyfuckinshitI’msoexcitedforyou!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:29 pm
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME !!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:30 pm
i was going to write that 2171 times, but i am at work…..
July 31st, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I am thrilled for you! Congratulations
July 31st, 2008 at 10:37 pm
my GOD! I’m thinking you’ve got a bundle in there….. CONGRATS!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:41 pm
PREGNANT!!!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Why hello there prego one!
July 31st, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I am soo super excited for you! Yay!!!
July 31st, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Ummm….I’m thinking twins!
July 31st, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Hey Mama! You are so pregnant..Go Cali!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:06 am
You are Rock Star pregnant!!!!!! YAY!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:10 am
I’m so, so happy for you! Now I’m waiting with bated breath for your ultrasound post…
August 1st, 2008 at 12:10 am
That is one fantastic beta, girl! I am so excited for you. You are undoubtedly pregnant. Now, stop waiting for bad news. It’s time for you to focus on being PREGNANT!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:36 am
I think you need to change your filed under category from “knocked up?” to “HELL YEAH I’M PREGNANT!”.
Oh and please because, ’cause seriously it’s all about us on the internets, get the u/s soon. I’m also due to give birth myself within the next 12-14 days and would like to know you’re OK while I’m in the hospital
August 1st, 2008 at 12:38 am
Yeah! Congratulations - what awesome and amazing news! I am beyond thrilled for you.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:43 am
crying tears of happiness, sweetheart.
knocked up, bun in the oven, call it what you will, it’s good, baby!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:58 am
Holy Shit batman! Can’t wait for the U/S …
August 1st, 2008 at 1:02 am
Yes!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:09 am
fan-freakin’-tastic!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:28 am
Twins, baby! AWWWH YEAH!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:43 am
HOLY COW!!!!!! What a wonderful number!!!!! I can’t wait to read how wonderfully things go tomorrow or Monday!!!! Yay!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:14 am
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy with you!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:15 am
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:42 am
Can I just tell you how incredibly, genuinely happy I am for you? I cannot wait to start seeing the posts that I know are coming like “baby bump alert”.
August 1st, 2008 at 2:43 am
yeah, once the beta is 2000 or more, it can definitely be u/s time. hurray!
August 1st, 2008 at 5:02 am
If I knew how to knit, I would totally be knitting a pair of booties for you! Congratulations!
August 1st, 2008 at 8:07 am
OMG, So excited and happy for you!!!
Can’t wait to see the u/s results!
August 1st, 2008 at 8:33 am
Oh my god!! I have been thinking about you a lot and crossing my thumbs like crazy! That is awesome news!!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 8:49 am
Freaking Fantastic News! You are SO knocked up
Cannot wait to hear about the ultrasound!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 9:35 am
Awsome!! Huge relief. PREGNANT!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 9:36 am
BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank F*ck for that. (And damn the time difference, again!!) xxxx
August 1st, 2008 at 9:53 am
Amazing Beta!
Can’t wait to hear about the ultrasound!
Congratulations!
August 1st, 2008 at 10:19 am
YAY!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 11:14 am
I am so so so happy for you. Those are awesome numbers! Mega-Kick-Ass Numbers!!
August 1st, 2008 at 11:49 am
Wow - fantastic news!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Calli, I cheated, I jumped right to the end…. to read the best part first. OH MY GOD CALLI! So thrilled for you right now, over the moon.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:40 pm
That is awesome news. CONGRATS!!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:53 pm
What a beautiful number…
August 1st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
See, you ARE rock star!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Maybe two little peapods!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I’m apparently a cheater too ’cause I went straight to the end…
Congratulations !! Hoping and wishing for the best !!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
AMAZING! I have tears in my eyes!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I haven’t been giddy in a LONG time. I’d forgotten what it felt like. Woo! Yay!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Congratulations!!!!!!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 2:35 pm
This is wonderful…. congratulations!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 3:20 pm
August 1st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Yay! I’m so happy for you. I’ve read your blog for a long time and I really like your attitude and your honesty. So many bloggers are either unable to express themselves well or they try to portray themselves in the best possible light. I appreciate candor and a sense of humor. You’re a rare gem in blogland and I’m so looking forward to reading about your adventures in motherhood.
August 1st, 2008 at 5:59 pm
WOOHOO !!!!Congrats you are so deserving of this!!
August 1st, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Yeah Cali!!! That’s awesome!
August 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
best thing I’ve read all day.
wishes for a mundane, regular ole pregnancy from here on out chica.
love.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness.
Holy crap.
AMAZING. I am so happy that your beta is nice & strong and that it blew you away. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:42 am
Holy shit indeed!!!!! This is the best best best BEST news!!!!!
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 pm
[...] pregnancies of some of my blogopshere sistren who’ve been at if for a while: Vee and Jay and Calli. And I’m so happy for them. Additionally, Oneofhismoms, welcomed home her bouncing baby joy, [...]
August 4th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I disappear for a month and you go a get knocked up! Way to go
Knew it had to happen soon. And look at that beta!!! *huggles*
August 5th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
WHOA! FRIGGIN AWESOME!
August 5th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
WOOT! WOOT!