Mixed Messages (with update)

Ah….I am now home in the southeast where it is freakishly cooler than it was in the northeast. Talula and Charlie where thrilled to see me, Mother too. But GM. Oh my dear, sweet, GM. Seeing the look of happiness on her face when I walked out of the baggage area was pure wonderful. It is amazing to be so wanted. She thinks I am just here for a visit but hopefully (once I don’t leave!) she will remember that I am here to stay.

Having some problems getting some answers from the Northeast Clinic in regards to the blood-work I had done yesterday morning. My estrogen was well over 1,100, but my progesterone was 30.1 and therefore “a little lower than we would like to see.” The crap part is that the nurse that left the message had no idea what meds I was currently on so her message went something like this, “If you are not on progesterone you need to be. And if you are then you should now be twice a day.” MMMMkay. But what do I do if I am already on progesterone twice a day AND 1cc of PIO?  I went ahead and gave myself an extra PIO shot before I went to bed last night and a bit more this morning.

If I have to do Via Vagina THREE times a day I might never recover. Honestly I would rather inject myself 3 times a day than have any more medicine to shove down there. I am so not a fan of that lingering not so fresh, slip and slide feeling in my hot pocket. And I have to wonder if my body is just expelling the goop too much and that is why my #’s are low. Not to be too female technical but two days ago things were so in a state in that area that my liner actually gave up and retreated down my leg and landed on my shoe waving a white flag. Yeah. Not fun.

I have called the clinic twice now and am have been told to stand by. blah blah

So here is the part of my brain that I hate. I hate that when I hear things that indicate that I have underperformed I immediately start packing my bags for a trip to the dark place. It is such an irrational mental move. I mean 3 years of progesterone knowledge should be ingrained into my skull: progesterone numbers to not = pregnancy success or failure. But did that stop me from going instantly to the, “it didn’t work” place. I know. dumb. I am trying to force myself to quiet that negative voice. And really- progesterone is something that I can fix. But I’m being honest here. I admit to getting depressed about it.

UPDATE:

OK. You guys fixed my head. I am now way more chill about the number. I feel silly for even having a moment of freak-out flare-up. The clinic called back. They say they did not ask if I was on progesterone, but prometrium. I say toe may toe, tah mah tah- let’s call the whole thing off. Bleh.

Mother is now in the drivethru at the pharmacy picking up my new prescription. So now I will be getting the juice via the mouth, via the hoo ha and via the inject site on my hip. I should be a fun chick to hang around. This will make symptom gazing next to impossible.

Comments

  1. says

    welcome home, sweetie!!!!!!
    is it wrong that i laughed entirely too hard about your liner that gave up? (sorry)

    *waving some fudge-dipped cookies in the direction of the black thoughts*…
    feel a little better now?

    xo,
    gypsy

    PS ~ a friend of mine uses the term “black thoughts” when she goes to the bad place re: certain things in her life. so sometimes we give each other shout-outs for a pep talk to banish the black thoughts. she could be in the IVP but for the trend to TMI ;)

  2. says

    It’s funny how different clinics have different targets too. I remember being told that 23 was fine, when I was bleeding ferchrissakes.

    Hope you sort out the progesterone dramas soon, anything that creates doubt in the tww just makes it so much harder,

    xx

    J

  3. says

    It’s crazy that it’s cooler in FL than the north east!

    It’s hard to avoid those dark places but you’re doing a good job by recognizing and naming the beast rather than taking up residence in dark land.

  4. says

    First off breathe.
    Then, 30.1 is more than enough to sustain a pregnancy. You just don’t want below 10.
    I never have high progesterone and with Bliss it dropped to 10 but he came, I was on bedrest a while, but he was fine.

    Also remember the suppositories do NOT go to your blood so they cannot tell numbers when you are doing those too. It is going directly to the uterus so all is good.

    Your body is ok, I truly believe that, it is all that clueless nurse we should focus our energy on for now. ;)

    Much love.

  5. says

    Okay, now this is where I ask YOU a question. The way I thought it was is that progesterone applied up the hoo-haa didn’t get into your systemic circulation. And therefore a blood test would be useless in determining actual progesterone levels.

    Am I wrong? I’m often wrong.

  6. says

    I’m am so damn late to your FET party. Ugh.

    Hooray for a wonderful transfer!

    Boo to skinimax in the lobby whilst toddlers run amuck!

    Hooray for much happiness from GM upon your return!

    Boo to Nurses not getting back to you as a live person to give important information!

    As far as your progesterone goes (I don’t know how it goes on a FET cycle, mine was only a Clomid cycle) mine was 30.9 and my OB was over the moon about it. She acted like it was the highest progesteron in the world! Of course this was a regular OB and not an RE.

    But either way, I’m sending you all the good thoughts and wishes that I can muster!!!

  7. says

    Jen’s progesterone was borderline at 15 early on in this pg. She increased the frequency of the via vaginas and it didn’t change much at all. They declared it “good enough,” and so far it seems that it was. Sending so much hope for spectacular outcomes…

  8. says

    Yay for being home and for being wanted. I do not know enough about prometrium or progesterone to comment, but just wanted to let you know that we’ve been rooting for you here!

    Seeyoubye!!

  9. cristin says

    My last pregnancy my progesterone was a 9 and they put me on the hooha bullets and it resulted in a beautiful baby boy. I think when it was checked after I started it was about 20 or so.

    Fingers crossed, everything crossed. See me? I’m a pretzel now!

  10. says

    I’ve had a liner ditch too, but mine went up instead of down. Seems like that should be impossible, with all this Earth gravity, right?

    (PS- It did work. I am psychic.)

  11. says

    Once again, I’m late to the party. I think you’re fine for the progesterone. My second RE only wanted to see a progesterone level above 25 and my current RE also told me that vagy-progy doesn’t register in blood levels. I think the oral progesterone is added insurance, and who can’t use more of that with anything reproductively related? You can have my zen.

  12. Jennimac says

    Glad you’re home safe and sound.

    Your description of your hot pocket and your liner giving up had me laughing out loud.

    Everyone else commented about the progesterone supps not getting into your bloodstream so I’ll just nod and smile. I also want to point out that this was a regular cycle – you weren’t on any fsh/lh stimulating drugs so 30 is a darn good progesterone number for a *natural* cycle.

    Oh, and I totally blame you for being up at midnight reading Twilight. And for being up at midnight tomorrow reading New Moon.

    Love and light and all kinds of positive thoughts for you.

  13. ninefirefly says

    Hey girl, how’s the tww treating you? I’ve got ‘symptoms’ all over the place. *eye roll* I can’t wait for us to be comparing baby bumps!!!!

  14. says

    Yikes, that’s a lot of ways to take progesterone! Poor woman. Just so you know, my progesterone was somewhere around 12 with my first (twins) pregnancy, and the RE gave me the option of suppositories. I did that, and as you can tell from the evidence, the pregnancy worked out. Anecdotal, I know, but I hope it gives some hope.
    Lots of love.

  15. says

    Whoa – that is a heck load of progesterone going into your body! I did not know about the vaginal/suppository pro not making it to the blood stream either – you see you learn something everyday!

    Thinking of you daily – cannot wait to see what the symptom obsess brings in the next few days!

    Hang onto that zen :)

    GREAT that GM was so pleased to see you when you got home!!!

  16. says

    I’m so glad that others were able to pass on some progesterone wisdom. I can’t believe how many ways you’re putting this stuff into your body!

    It’s great that GM was so happy to see you. It’s got to be difficult to leave her not knowing how she’ll be when you return, but what a relief to see her happy. Welcome home!

  17. says

    Oy, it’s the great P4 trifecta: Oral, Vage, and Injects, oh my! I have never seen such, but in this crazy TTC world it’s nice to learn something new.

    All the best with this cycle, Girlie. I’m rooting for you and your embabies.

  18. says

    I’m with everyone else. The number to me sounds pretty good. And what’s another pill to take right?? I do admit that I got a good chuckle out of the whole liner giving up. Glad GM was happy to see you. Hope the wait isn’t too bad. Hugs to you.

  19. Deb2You2 says

    What blue and cristin and maybe others said. You only need over 10. I NEVER got to over 30 (and was on way less p4 support). As others said, it doesn’t get counted into the labs. I would have been thrilled with 30. :) Try to hang in there. The whole thing is a big mind fuck. I’m hoping this is it for you and that it is finally your turn. Deb

  20. sabrina says

    hey cali – hang in there. this 2ww is the worst. you’ll find this hard to believe, but as much as i micro-managed my cycles, i never wanted to know my e2 or p4 levels. i decided it was too much for my head to handle, and that if i did allow the information in, i would implode. so i’m really of no help to you now, except to say that i am here for you, cheering you on as always.

  21. says

    The white flag image… so funny.

    I’m sorry your body is being assaulted on all fronts. But I am so hopeful for you. Keep us updated!!! xoxo

  22. says

    Don’t you just wish that Via Vagina was really a cocktail? Think how much better the TWW would be if it was. Waiting and hopinggggg with you here!! xxxx

  23. says

    They need to be responsive when they leave messages like that – ridiculous. But 30 is actually fine by all accounts, I wouldn’t assault your poor bottom any more than you have to.

    Btw if you don’t like putting the pessaries where they’re currently going, you can try putting them in the other passage – that’s where our clinic tells us they should go – less gets expelled that way.

  24. says

    You’ve already updated at the time of this posting, but let me just chime in anyway: My progesterone at 22DPO was a whopping 9.8. NINE POINT EIGHT. Less than ten, threatened miscarriage land. I had an emergency ultrasound to check for an ectopic (with two miscarriages under my belt, nobody was taking any chances). That confirmed an intrauterine pregnancy, but my doctor broke it to me that she wasn’t going to prescribe supplemental progesterone because my LP was of a normal length and therefore she felt that if this pregnancy was going to fail, it was going to fail with or without it.

    34 weeks six days later, I delivered a perfect baby girl, right on her due date. Even with the crap progesterone. I know my situation is really different from yours, no supplements, an unassisted conception (after 18 months of trying and two losses), but I wanted to throw that out there, that sometimes even bleak numbers don’t mean a bleak outcome. And P4>30 is hardly in “bleak” territory.

  25. martang says

    You know, I heard that message correctly…and when I was listening to it you said “I’m on that!” I had no idea you were thinking they said something else! I’m so glad to hear Millie was happy about your return home :)

  26. says

    oooo….look what i found :) i need to take this in.

    Expect Nothing

    Expect nothing. Live frugally
    On surprise.
    become a stranger
    To need of pity
    Or, if compassion be freely
    Given out
    Take only enough
    Stop short of urge to plead
    Then purge away the need.

    Wish for nothing larger
    Than your own small heart
    Or greater than a star;
    Tame wild disappointment
    With caress unmoved and cold
    Make of it a parka
    For your soul.

    Discover the reason why
    So tiny human midget
    Exists at all
    So scared unwise
    But expect nothing. Live frugally
    On surprise.

    Alice Walker

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