It is currently 4:06am on Monday morning and all of a sudden I am wide awake and giddy. That’s right: giddy. I feel like it is a holiday. It is a day that I have literally been counting down to and suddenly it is here. It is now. It is today. It is four hours and 24 minutes from right this moment.
The flight to the Northeast yesterday was smooth but there was certainly a level of chaos on the plane. In the back 5 rows a gaggle of pre-teens in matching t-shirts and sparkle hair accessories passed the time between take off and landing by singing the entire soundtracks to Disney films. Even though you could hear their chaperone’s urging them to take it down a notch you just really can’t contain voices of that age. These girls were all elbows and insecurities in the check-in line, but being in the air gave them confidence. It was annoying for maybe 2 minutes and then it was as if my soul had some sort of phantom memory of being that age and then I couldn’t stop smiling about it.
Marta was waiting for me right outside of the baggage carousel and off we went to one of my favorite places of all time: trader joe’s. Sigh. Oh how I love TJ’s. I loaded up a basket with easy to prepare foods for today and tomorrow. OH! And I learned how to tell how ripe a pineapple is (in case you were wondering a pineapple is ripe if you can easily pull out a leaf from the head). We then went back to Marta’s house for some down time before heading back out for a pool party that was more about board games than swimming. Lovely.
I was in bed before 9pm. Which kind of sucked because I really wanted to see at least the opening number of the Miss Universe pageant. But I honestly wanted to hurry up and sleep because I knew that one more sleep was all that separated me from today.
While I was in the air yesterday morning an embryologist from the North East clinic called to update me on the state of things embryonic and to give me my call time for transfer day. This is the embryologist that I spoke to on Saturday and together we discussed what to thaw: 4 2pn’s: Three from “natural fertilization” and 1 fertilized by ICSI. (translated: 2pn embryos are ones that were frozen pretty much immediately after fertilization occurs. So “2pn” means that it has a nucleus from my egg and and a nucleus from the sperm: pro-nuclei) The lab informed me that 2pn’s have a better thaw rate due to their being less fragile but that they still recommended thawing four with the hope that at least two would survive.
The message from Donna was to inform me that all four survived the thaw on Saturday and that as of Sunday morning all four were still dividing. She also let me know that my specific lab requests had been carried out. That request was that Donna put my embryos in the most romantic corner of the lab and change the dial on the lab boom box to whatever station was most inclined to play Barry White. Might as well put some romance back into this process, right? I love a scientist that can play along…
And so now it is 4:29am and I am perched on the edge of my seat trying to keep the butterflies from exploding out of my navel. Doing a frozen cycle has been such a luxury. I am much more calm than I was in December. So much more ready. So not a giant ball of stimulated ovarian bloat and angst. Instead I am pure emotion. Jubilant and twitchy.
If you are up and reading please beam some good feelings up this way. I am already pretty high soaring on a magic carpet of optimism ( I made an executive decision to just go with the hope.), but there is that little itch on my pinkie toe that feels like fear. I am ignoring the itch right now, but I imagine it might spread a bit as the moment gets closer.
The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
-Emily Dickinson
{ 69 comments… read them below or add one }
If positive thoughts alone makes impantation happen, then you have got this one in the bag. Sending SO many happy thoughts down your way. I am so excited for you and for this day. I can’t wait to read the follow up post, after the transfer. Two week wait, here we come! XXOOOOXXXXOOOO
HUGE positive vibes coming your way! Excellent news that all 4 survived and are growing well
And I am pleased that you are chilled out and keeping that pinkie toe of fear at bay… Zen is good and jublilant is better!! I have a great feeling about this Cali – just great!
TONS and tons and tons and tons of good vibes!!!
Keeping positive thoughts for you!
Good luck Callie, will be sending you lots of good thoughts and white light !
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Fingers crossed for you, lady, and all my good thoughts as we drive home. I can’t wait to get home and find out how it went.
:D:D
Your excitement is contagious. I am soooooooo happy for you!!!! Sending love and good vibes your way.
So excited for you!! Ignore the pinky toe! Sending all good vibes this morning.
Good luck!!!!! thinking of you and wishing so much good your way!
Oooooooooooh! I am sooooo excited for you. Good luck! I’m sending mucho postiive vibes. xo
Good luck! Good luck! Good luck!! I am so hopeful for you, my dear.
You (and yours!) are surrounded in a cloud of prayers, good thoughts, positive vibration, jubilant hope, sheer joy. Excitement rules!
Hope is the thing with feathers/ that perches in the soul/ and sings the song without words/ and never stops at all.
Emily D, of course.
Babe, I can’t wait to hear all the good news.
Praying and hoping and sending positive thoughts your way!
Delurking to wish you lots and lots of luck!!!
Oh, I can’t stand it. This is THE most exciting virtual FET eva, I feel as if I’ve had some tiny part of it, and I can’t possibly send you more good thoughts and vibes than you’re getting right now!
Cali….just do it for all of us. We love you. xxxxxxxxx
Kick ass fantastic four! I am beaming SUCH good thoughts your way!
Humming, chanting, and sending so much love and hope your way. Go embies, GO! And go Cali, GO!
Luck, luck, luck today! though by now you’re probably all embryo-ated.
Hooray! It’s here at last! So excited that all 4 have decided to be happy and healthy. And so excited for YOU!
Enjoy this time — we’re all cheering for you!
i just wanted to wish you the best of luck today, i have my fingers crossed!
i’m beaming many many good feelings.
Sending love and light!
I am sending you all of my good vibes, good wishes, and best loves. Been thinking of you all weekend!
Seeyoubye!
Ahh! I’m so excited for you! I love your special request and I love the quote at the end too.
xo
Oh, I am so excited! Hooray! I cannot wait! Good luck, I’ve got the positive thoughts coming like crazy.
Tons of good wishes and conception thoughts flooding your way from the west coast. Can’t wait for your dreams to come true!
Sending sooo much love and hope and sparkle your way hun. And a bunch of hugs and smooches too!!
I’m pulling for you and those embryos! C’mon guys!
Sending positive vibes from the beach! Nothing better than salt air and waves!
Sending you and the little dividing wonders my most positive energy today.
Sending lots of warm thoughts to you and your embryos today!
thinking happy, sticky thoughts!
All the very best thoughts for you during this cycle!!!!
Good good positive sticky vibes!
i am giggling rather out loud to think of barry white singing to your happily-dividing cells… (you crack me up) and i am so so so filled up with crazy mad hope. had i known the 2pn’s were in need of some mood music, i woulda cranked up “let’s get it on…” yesterday in their honour.
i like the exec decision to just go with the HOPE!
love you and look forward to an update later tonight…
xo,
gypsy
Sending thoughts your way!
Take care of you!
Sending you tons of positive beams, prayers and keeping all my fingers crossed.
Sending all our GOOOOOD vibes from our area of the globe!!!! Been thinking of you all day! OMG this is exciting. Got fingers crossed for Barry White and a smooth transfer xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tomorrow is my birthday and I command that this FET be of the awesomest awesome on the planet.
A gazillion of the best positive thoughts that can be sent! May your uterus chillax and give those embryos a mellow, Barry White vibe. May they decide that you’re already the coolest mom they’ve ever met, and decide to stick around!
Eeeeeeeeeee! Sending you all the good vibes I can muster up!
FETS work, they do they do. Good luck. I am hoping for you.
Thinking of you and sending all sort of hope, positive thoughts and anything else I can come up with your way. I hope it all goes great. Hugs to you.
Oh, wow! They all four survived. That’s beautiful. I love your lab requests for them and that the embryologist carried them out. I am so damn excited for you, and I’m beaming you every good vibe I’ve got. Happy Transfer Day!
Sending you lots of good luck Cali!!!!
Good luck! I’m sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way!
snuggle in and get comfy embies!
Oh, Cali, I’m just beside myself with happiness for you. I can’t wait to hear how everything went. Shooting gobs of glory your way. xo
Sending you tons of good thoughts – positive energy and love. I have all my fingers and toes crossed (crossing toes is painful!!)!
lots of postive thoughts being sent your way !!!!!!^______^
oh im soo excited for you!
hugs you!!!
Rock and roll Calli!
Sending all of my good thoughts out to you and the quartet. Oh, and I recommend bribing the embryos post-transfer. Mine were offered chili dogs and access to a pony, and look what happened.
Stick, little embies!
All four of us are sending so much hope and love and excitement your way!!! Can’t wait for an update.
P.S. We are getting a TJ’s near us soon and I CAN’T WAIT!!
Bug, major, huge positive thoughts! Stick babies stick! I think you can, I think you can, I think you can!
big, not bug hahahaha
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way! Great news that all four came through the thaw with flying colors – I think that bodes well!
Beaming you tons and tons of sunbeams and burrowing thoughts.
May this be the day you become two (or more?).
BEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSS
wishing you ALL the best, Cali! you so deserve it. also hope you’ve got seomreal good distractions during the 2ww.
wishing you ALL the best, Cali! you so deserve it. also hope you’ve got some real good distractions during the 2ww.
XOXO
ooohhhh sticky babies!!!
The staff at Conceive Magazine wishes you all the best!!!!!! We’re sending positive thoughts your way all day.
Barry White, he he…who needs good vibes when u’ve got Barry White.
Every single ounce of positivity, hope, zen, and inebriation-type-calm-that-can-be mustered-without-ever-taking-a-drink-vibe-possible. This is it, Cali. It has to be.
how exciting! sending many good vibes. can’t wait to read all about it!
I love this post – I couldn’t wait to read each word to soak up your excitement.
Wishing all the best things for you today!
it’s so wonderful to read about this knowing how hard you have worked to get here. wishing you all the best.
Thinking sticky sticky thoughts for you!