Mama Duck still diligently sits on her nest several times a day and through the nights. And yet none of the remaining eggs have hatched. I am feeling more and more attached to this Mama Duck every day. But the exciting thing to watch is the growth of baby duck. I am not sure just yet, but based on the markings I do believe baby duck is a girl. I wonder if the Mama Duck wants a blinkie…heh.
This morning it seems as though flying lessons have begun. Several mornings Mama Duck will travel to the backyard and Baby will follow at lightening speeds. They paddle around the lake and do some fishing. However this morning Mama began taking off from the lake. She and Baby would swim out to the middle and then Mama would hoist herself up and take off. Baby FREAKED out peeping like a maniac. And then Mama came swooshing back in for a landing. She did it several more times and eventually Baby started trying to hoist herself up as well.
After the 6th or 7th lesson Mama Duck swam a circle or two around Baby and they came in closer to to the edge of the lake to eat. They are now resting back on the nest under the shrubs by my front door.
Things with GM have become more and more challenging these last several days. Things that I thought were blips of behavior are now seemingly the new norm. I try to keep a good routine for her, but even within that I can never predict what sort of day we will have. Usually she tries to dress herself, but now most days she can not. And it isn’t something as simple as not physically being able to dress. It is that she doesn’t understand what clothes actually are.
Once I hear her stirring I focus all of my energy in listening to the sounds from her room via the monitor. I can tell within a few minutes if she is having problems. Some days I will walk in and she is just having trouble getting her bra on. But more often then not I will walk in and she will have shoes on and everything else will be in a pile of confusion on the floor.
Her words are failing her now. Daily. It used to be just a symptom of fatigue when she would misuse a word or struggle to find a word. And now it happens 10-20 times a day. She will be sitting in her recliner and start to get agitated, lifting her warming blanket or looking inside her shirt. When asked what she needs she will say, “the flag”. And then I use my charade skills to figure out what “flag” is. Flag can be a glass of water or it can be information. Yesterday GM started looking all over her chair for something and it turned out that she was looking for the day of the week.
For five days in a row she has not known how to use a fork and thankfully she allowed me to feed her.
Last night was bath night and it was one of the most physically difficult for me. She couldn’t understand how to move her feet and get into the tub so I had to lift her (something I won’t do again as this morning my back is killing me). She enjoys the bath now. I give her a washcloth to fold or play with as I bathe her, but last night, in the middle of the bath, she forgot that we were in a bath. She sort of went faraway in her eyes and then when she came back she was surprised to be naked.
I feel like so much of my role as her caregiver now is to be a mind reader. And yet there is not much to read. The good days, the days where she can focus on watching a movie or having a conversation, are becoming farther and farther apart. I am touched by how soft and sweet she is on her bad days. A year or two ago a bad day would involve verbal attacks or hitting. Now there is this childlike tenderness to her. She trusts me completely. I am not used to seeing that look from someone. It is like seeing all of a person’s rawness and being responsible for it.
The times. They are a changing.
i love that you get to watch this mama duck parent her new duckling. that is so cool. are you worried about the other eggs at all? i hope they are ok, since they are so much later in being born than their big (maybe) sister. your descriptions of your grandmother are always so poignant and touching and tender. she is so so lucky to have such an amazing granddaughter and caregiver.
I just stumbled on your blog a few days ago and have been reading through the archives ever since. You are such a talented writer and your stories about your grandmother are very touching. Thanks very much for putting it out there.
First off, how exciting that you’re able to witness Mama Duck parenting her baby! That is AWESOME!
As far as GM, I can only offer you BIG GIANT {{{{{HUGS}}}}}. She’s lucky to have you, Cali. And so are we.
You are so strong to be able to see GM going down hill and want to be there to care for her. So often it is too hard and people have to place their loved ones in care facilities.
She’s lucky to have you.
What an amazing and poignant post about GM. It takes a very special person to be able to take care of someone the way you are caring for her.
You are indeed amazing. In fact, you are the world’s best grandaughter.
so sorry about GM. you both certainlly have a hug fan club here….
wonderful stories about mama and baby duck!
Not many people could be such a devoted caregiver to someone with Alzheimer’s, particularly since you and your GM had your rough spots back in the days when she had her (mental) stuff together.
I hope you have someone in the medical/social work field you can rely on when you’re having a hard day. Having to be a mind reader when GM is asking for the “flag” must wear you out.
I’m in awe that you can be so good with GM while dealing with incompetent clinic idiots and still find time to blog so perceptively.
Oh, I’m so sorry to read about GM. I’m sorry that there are more and more bad days. I guess we must be slipping into stage 7? How wonderful that you are able to be there, though, and that she trusts you completely. You truly have been the world’s best granddaughter. She, and Mother, are lucky to have you. As are we.
My MIL watched her Mom stuggle with Alzheimers and it broke her heart daily. She can’t watch the Notebook cos it brings back too many bad memories…
What I love about you Cali is that you find ways to make the bad days with your GM “good” and you find a way to make the memory sweeter (altough I’m sure tinged with a bit of bitters in there too). You find the positive in a heartbreaking situation. That is a special and rare quality. I’m so glad we “met”.
Crumbs I hope I’ve expressed myself well here, having a complete moosh brain day.
I’m sorry that things are getting difficult with GM lately. I hope that she has a better day today. Mama Duck and Baby Duck are soooo cute! Are the inside animals still bothered by their presence?
As always, I admire your strength!
I think one of the only easy ways to tell a boy duck from a girl duck is the color of its bill. The girl ducks have orange-brown bills and the boy ducks have yellowish ones. I think that holds true for baby ducks too, but I’m not sure. I do know that when it isn’t mating season, the mallards all look the same. (At least the ones I used to watch did.)
At my school many of the younger grade classes hatch eggs every year — ducks, chicks, and quail — but of course, in the absence of the mother bird. So cool to watch the parenting.
And you are such a giving and wise caregiver, Cali. Hugs to you.
What a cute story about the duck and duckling! So sweet.
And you are doing so good with GM. I admire that.
These posts about your GM are so touching. Thanks for sharing them.
i love the stories of Mama Duck and Baby Duck, and i love the eloquence with which you speak of GM and the changes that are happening and the bittersweet that i am sure comes with being the recipient of *that look* and her complete trust in you, when you know why it is there and what has been taken away from her to leave that trust there…
you are a lovely and beautiful spirit cali, and i hope if i ever have to care for a loved one on a 24/7 basis, i pray i can be a fraction as caring and loving and compassionate and understanding as you. you know…you may be acting as Mama Duck for limitless hearts who read your blog, in the sharing of how you care for GM and your daily life.
i am really honoured to be your friend.
love,
gypsy
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.” — Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)
May we all be as loved by our grandchildren as GM is by you, dear, sweet, Cali.
The duck tales are great.
I am sorry you have to watch your GM struggle like that. I know it doesn’t get better. And it must be frustrating not to be able to read her mind. But I am glad she has such a loving granddaughter to watch over her and help her make sense when things just don’t.
You’re doing an amazing thing for your grandmother. That sounds so, so hard.
Hey, just found your blog on cycle sistas. Can you please email me the name of the rip off clinic in Florida or at least what city it is located in???? I have an appt. with an RE in Ft. Myers at the end of this month and I’m hoping it’s not the clinic you are referring to!
P.S. Love your blog.
Thanks,
Andrea
frostino@hotmail.com
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the momma duck stories, keep them coming.
I saddened to hear of GM’s new normal, but I am glad that there is a renewed gentleness that comes with it.
Keep the baby and mama duck stories and pictures coming!
Mama duck and baby are so cute. I hope the rest of the eggs hatch eventually. As far as grandma I am sure this is so very hard to see the deterioration. I remember when my mom ran an adult family home and she had several alzheimers patients. I remember one as she started to get worse would come down with her clothes on wrong with the underwear on the outside or something like that, all the mood stuff etc. It’s such an awful thing to see.
“It is like seeing all of a person’s rawness and being responsible for it.”
Wow. I know exactly what you mean but could never have articulated it this accurately or beautifully.
Hugs, Cali.
I can only imagine how hard it must be to watch GM pass through the different stages knowing where it will inevitabley lead. It must be hard to deal with the conflicting emotions of the past and the evolution of those emotions. You are a greater person than I. I wish you well Calli and hope that somewhere in between the hours and minutes you find some time to take care of you.
I have to tell you, I truly believe good things are coming your way. Last weekend I met my own Momma duck and her 6 babies, they were crossing the road as I was driving. I pulled over so my daughter and I could watch, one baby, I think he was a boy (he was poking along not paying attention), Momma duck was fussing at him and then he took off running after her. We spent about 30 minutes watching them play at the edge of the pond, and no lie fighting over worms. I thought that was it…and then today driving down the road there they are again, Momma duck and her babies, all 6 of them. She must be doing a good job. Anyway it made me think of you and your ducks and it made me smile.
Sorry that your GM is experiencing new deficits. I believe she knows in her heart that you love her and that she can depend on you. I believe you have an amazing legacy to pass on to your future child/children. The legacy of love, even when its hard.
Hope your hormones are treating you well.
Sorry to see that Millie has been slipping some more. It is heartbreaking.
You tell stories so sweetly, whether about the Mama duck or your GM. You need lots of warm wishes, you are a great person!
Happy Weekend!
Alyson LID 01/27/06 (IA China)
I admire the way you are so loving and gentle, how well you deal with the frustrating changes. And love hearing about Mama Duck and baby.