-
-
The Groups
Shifting the light to another blogger.
Here is something that I wrote within the last password protected post that I feel I should share with the rest of you:
The longer I sit with this the more I know in my gut that this SW opportunity is not for me. I am so agitated over having to come up with a solution so fast. And seriously, being this needy is killing me. Honestly I would really rather put this effort & energy towards saving up for an FET back back in the NE. It feels weird to go forward with a fresh IVF when I have embryos waiting for me in a city with a free place to stay and access to transportation.
Now I know that I do have a tendency to quit when things get overwhelming. I hate a hassle and a mess and am frankly exhausted over trying to think outside of the box. I feel like that is ALL I do and it has yet to benefit. Then there is also this shame that I feel over not having money at the ready for this opportunity. And I feel like a giant loser for even being so frank with you all about this lack of funds.
I hate that by even bringing this study up to my Mother has caused her to go back to a place of guilt that she is not able to help me out any more financially at the moment. She is working so hard to get her own personal finances in order and she has made some real progress. I do not want to do anything that would cause her to delay her own important goal.
I am thankful for the Z for keeping me pretty even as I go through this ripple. I can see the place of doom in my mind and so far I am doing well to step around it. This study would have been great if key ingredients had been in my favor. All I can do is keep saving, keep hoping and dreaming and then maybe another study will pop up or maybe I will get the right amount in my savings account to get back to the NE.
That being said, I want to sincerely and deeply thank all of you for trying to help me scramble this week to come up with a solution. I have written to the people running the study to see if there is a way I could participate at a more local clinic, but really I think I should just get back to saving up for an FET. It feels right.
However, there is another wonderful and amazing blogger that would be a primo candidate for this SW study and I would like all of you to head over to her blog and help her work on logistics. Chicory and her family have been through a lot and I can not think of a more deserving family. Let’s make this happen for her!
Comments
17 Responses to “Shifting the light to another blogger.”
Got something to say?
-
-
Great Hosting By:
It seems you are making the best decision for you. You should be proud, not shamed, for doing so.
I can’t imagine how difficult this decision was to make. It does seem like you are making the best decision for yourself in this time so hopefully you can be at peace with it. I also hope that your FET will become possible sooner than you think.
I want to third the above comments. A from scratch IVF is such a huge process with such a large personal cost–emotional, financial, mental, spiritual, etc. If your gut is telling you it isn’t ready to do that all over again (especially after going through it 1.5 times in the last 5 months) than that is definitely your best bet. Good for you for having the courage to make that choice, tough as it is.
You know in your heart what is right for you. Go with it.
cali, it sounds like you are making a sound decision. I agree the toll is too high and you don’t need the added stress or guilt or anything. it just f’ing sucks that money is an issue at all. it’s just not right. go with your gut. ~luna
Wishing things were easier for you…decisions can be such hard work… well done for knowing your limits.
Thank you for sending love and positive juju, i hope you know how much they mean and really do help.
In addition to those little angel worry stones in my bra I feel like I am going off to my appointment this afternoon with lots of good angels all looking over me, and you are one of them.
I understand how logistics can be overwhelming, with all you have on your plate, and I am glad you have made a decision that brings you calm and peace (and I am glad the Z is helping- I am sure you have guessed that that is part 1 of my back up plan if the news is not good).
Love back to you!
Thinking of you Cali. I also wish this was easier.
You continually amaze me with what an amazing person you are. Truly.
You have SO MUCH to give. To lots of people, including a child.
I’ve been out of the loop for a few days (went back to work Mon., hit like freight train) and just read all this. I am so impressed with you. Love you.
Please may I have a password? Pretty please?
you know how much i love you? ((((hugs))))
You are my hero (ine?). If I gave hugs, I’d give one to you.
i am intimately familiar with the gut-wrenching stress and scramble surrounding ART/IVF and money. adding in the tight time constraints to make your decision about this study, well, i’m sure it was awful. but you managed/are managing to stay in touch with what you really need and making decisions accordingly, even though it’s hard. continue to take care of yourself.
fondly,
tina
Good for you for following your heart! Sometimes it’s so hard to know what to do, but it definitely sounds like you’ve made the right choice. You *rock*
xo
I too, cancelled my appointment for that study. Hopefully you have the opportunity to use the frozen embryos sometime soon. Also, may I have the password?
I am so pleased that you are following your innate wisdom. I hope you loose any feelings of shame in relation to money - I just wish I had some to pass on! Praying that some green finds your feet and in the meantime that you continue to build your peace.
I can see how hard this is for you. Where are those secret santa millionares when you need them? You can never go wrong listening to your heart. Let’s hope it leads to happiness eternal.