Thank you for the hand holding yesterday. Today is a fresh start. A chance to power through and be in the moment. A good friend, who is still suffering the reverberation of a recent end of a pregnancy, wrote to me last night about the idea of having a memorial. I will admit that at the time I read her e-mail it didn’t click for me. This morning, however, it does.
There has been a lot of loss recently. And before that. And before that. And before that. So many of us have either had a loss of pregnancy or known someone that did. With each announcement of a loss, and maybe this is just me, but each post of loss brings me right back to my loss. My unpregnant moments. And then the moments of friends. It is a circle of sadness.
One of the shitty things about loss, especially this kind (& please forgive me the word “loss”. I know many of you hate that word, but for lack of a better one at the moment I am using it) is that there are so many dates to smack you upside the face. There are the dates of trimesters not reached or estimated due dates not achieved…almost birthdays, almost first days of school. All of those damn almosts.
This year there is a date on our calendar that only shows up every four years. This year I propose that we take a small moment of this “extra” day and commemorate our losses. On February 29th post whatever feels right to you to honor your grief. You can simply post a photograph, or a poem, a post with no words…whatever helps you through. If you have not known loss first hand you can post in friendship for those that have.
If you don’t have a place to post I will post anything you wish to share on that day on my blog.
If anyone would like to create a symbol for this memorial please contact me. I did some research, but nothing is feeling quite right.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
What about using the Japanese Jizo bodhisattva as a symbol? These little memorials always made me feel calm when I saw them. Kind of like the children of the water were watching over me. They were generally all the same size in my mind signifying that all losses are equal in the heart of the mother.
Good plan. Plus, I have been wondering if this was a leap year or not.
Hi Cal. I love the idea of Feb. 29th as a day to remember my angels. The blog post brought tears to my eyes…no one but me and dh ever remember our angels and I would love a day where others are remembering their angels with us.
I wub you hon.
Hugs,
Shan
Feb 29th would have been the EDD of my 5th IVF cycle… Feb 29th 2004 would have been the EDD of my 5th trying the natural way cycle. I hoping that I can move on after this Feb 29th.
i love the idea, miss cali. i think it is a good thing. the mark the passing and the meaning of these losses. [hate that word, too, but still using it] i also like MM’s idea for the memorial images ~ of the Japanese Jizo bodhisattva.
grieving is such a hard thing.
it will be good to join together in spirit to remember the hard things and the heartbreaks and surround each other with our love and support.
I think loss is an appropriate term. My sister bought a pinky ring with the birth stone of the month her miscarried child would have been born. This truly helped her cope and was a memorial that she carries with her to this day. That child’s memory has vital significance for her…the ring symbolizes that.
I think this is a wonderful idea.
This doesn’t involve me directly (except as I have mourned with friends, and I don’t mean what I have felt for them) but I want to say: you have such wisdom, Cali. It is really a gift. Not easy to sum up on a resume, but you are going to find your niche and then you are going to go far.
I like this idea, but it just isn’t enough for me. The pain and loss that I feel can’t possibly fit into one day every four years. It’s there every. fucking. day.
i think this is a beautiful idea. And hopefully it will bring some comfort, in some way to all of us.
blue butterflies… always symbolizes special memories for me even in the short time they may live their beauty and grace always lives on..
feb 29 is a wonderful idea…hugs to you…
Sounds like a good idea. I can’t say though that I have any thoughts to contribute to how to do this. I’m feeling pretty uninspired lately.
What a lovely idea. Count me in.
I think this is a wonderful idea. I don’t have any suggestions for a symbol – actually, I think each person may want to come up with their own. It will be nice to have a day that isn’t associated with my loss on the calendar be a special day to commemorate it. Thank you.
I really love the idea… There are so many dates from 3 pregnancies lost, it might be a good idea to have one day that is special. So very special.
Cali,
this is just a little note to say “you rock.” I love your writing and your ideas and you can definitely count me in on this one.
I’m thinking about it….I’ll see what I can do. It’s a wonderful idea, even if lately I’ve been trying to forget, not to remember.
I posted. Thank you for the opportunity to grieve, and peace to all the others doing so today.
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