Waking up is easier to do lately. I’m no longer dependent on my alarm to make sure that I am up and ready for GM when she gets up around 8am. For two mornings now I have been able to get up, get ready and have some time to myself in the morning. This is a shift from just last week where getting out of bed was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
My cell phone is on. After I made the appropriate, “it’s over” calls I turned off my cell phone and let the battery fade out. I needed to unplug for a bit. This weekend I felt ready to turn her back on. I was able to sit and listen to the messages of support and love. I was even able to listen to a message from the NEC where they had called to see if I had had a 4th beta. Not only did I listen to messages, but I also, gasp, called some people.
I am making plans. I have a friend (a former neighbor) that will be in town this weekend and I made plans to get together with her for a drink this weekend. This means that I will have to shower, put on clean clothes and possibly do something inspired with my hair. These are all things that, a week ago, would have exhausted me just to think about.
I am watching tv sitting up. A few days ago you would have found me supine on the couch, eyes glassed over, as I got my daily fix of entertainment news. Now I am upright and engaged as I hear the latest news on fallen pop stars.
I’m thinking about recipes. As in cooking something. As in preparing food that does not require a microwave or toaster oven. I have been existing on home made quesadilla roll ups for weeks (for reals) and finally, FINALLY that hankering is subsiding. This morning I woke up thinking how nice it would be to make something fresh and yummy. Upon inspecting the fridge I see that this will require a trip to the grocery store and THAT is killing me to think about…but it’s a start.
Reading of the baby and expecting a baby blogs is going better. I still get small palpitations over the following: ultrasound posts, posts discussing baby names or nursery themes and I have to click away if someone is asking for baby care advice. The love is always there, but you will be pleased to know that I am not turning as deep a shade of envious green. Progress!
The flowers are dead. Meaning the roses and other flowers given out of love and sympathy are now crusty and shriveled and marinating in green fungus scented water. When the flowers die and you find yourself knowing that soon you must take them out to the trash it sort of helps. End of an era jargon & shit.
Housekeeping is again a priority. I pity the family member that must put up with the return of my bossy cleaning ways. I must have a clean kitchen before I can go to bed. There must be an element of tidy going on in the den. The month plus of my being easy going on these issues was plenty. Now hand me my clorox!
I am able to be furious. Yesterday’s early morning news reports about caffeine PISSED ME OFF. Jennifer said it best so I won’t elaborate. But seriously- I don’t need any more heapings of guilt.
I am contemplating things. Things such as setting up an appointment with a dermatologist, or getting that tattoo, or seeing if GM’s awesome hair dresser can make me a redhead again. I am thinking about ME.
I am also thinking about you. I spent hours helping a friend set up her new website AND I am thinking about posting a “How to Make Sweet Iced Tea like Cali’s Grandmother” photo essay this weekend. See? Mad love coming out of me.
And in case you haven’t checked it out- all of the flicking that you are doing (in addition to some extremely generous and lovely direct to my FET paypal account donations) are adding up. THAT is the key behind a large part of my feeling human again. I no longer feel like I am bound and cowering in a tower of doom. I have you all to thank for that. I am nearly 1/4 of the way towards the goal.
There is an additional category within the Great Links of Blogs to Read called ‘Scratching Flick’. These are blogs of others that have adventures of Flick Cons the Bads going on as well. Please go visit and help where you can.
So tell me. How do you know when you are out of the funk?
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
So tell me. How do you know when you are out of the funk?
Believe me, if I ever get out of mine, you’ll be the first to know.
But I’m glad to hear you’re doing a little better.
So glad you are getting that funk off.
)
I should be out of my funk when I go see my new dr today.
Loving the adventure of Flick. I check up on him often!
Maybe some Photo Friday soon?
i am out when i watch less tv, enjoy cooking. and reach out to people, that’s a biggie.
I know I’m ready by actually listening to messages too. And when I feel like a walk, and then if I’m outside and feel myself breathing IN as opposed to holding my breath. And when my jaw doesn’t clench so much as just rest there normally. And when I fold the blanket that was crumpled on top or under me for the past week. The folding means: I have to unfold you to use you again, and that’s ok.
I have a question about flicking. Is it enough to just flick, or should I “hang out” wherever I might end up? Is it the time or the flick that counts? Feel free to delete this if it’s a stupid or disallowed question…you can email me if you’d rather. Just want to make sure I flick it the right way!
Ok, I love reading the adventures of Flick to help with the baby ticket. I think the babe-to-be (and she will) might want to be called Jimminy Cricket!! Will continue reading here and abroad. Thanks for the Cliff’s notes tips on the Adventures of Flicking!
I’m out of a funk when I am hungry again, can bathe quickly, and can return those difficult phone calls. I’m so glad that you are finding what is pulling you up. Now go get your red on!
I can pull myself off the couch and complete random house tasks BEFORE the garbage rots (yes, I have another adult in the house. No, he doesn’t help out much), and I don’t wake up thinking about how long the day is going to be before I can go back to bed.
I’m out of a funk when the triple chocolate Godiva Icecream bucket in my freezer stops calling my name…
Depending on the level of my funk the obvious signs of recovery are no more _anax- I wake up one day and don’t even remember I have them. I start to eat healthier again, less fudge, ice cream, pudding and more protein and fruit. I clean all the floors, not just the ones I see being dusty (also stepping beyond Swiffer to scrubbing or mopping the good old way, which gets things a better level of clean). I also get seriously happy about my exercise again. Watching less tv, getting more social again, putting on some proper jeans, getting my hair done etc etc.
Thrilled you are feeling more like yourself, the phone being back on is huge.
XO
is there any way to track the flicking funds? I think it’d be cool to see the progress towards the goal. I love to reach goals!
wait….maybe that’s the ticker on the bottom left-hand side that is for some reason blocked by our stupid filter at work. Bummer!
I don’t know when I came out of my funk. I am not sure if I did. Actually that is not true. I came out of the funk when I got pregnant again (4 months after my D&C) and I got right back into it 5 weeks later
I sometimes wonder if I have really come out of Funk, Phase 2. I wonder if the only way to shift it is another pregnancy & take home baby… I will let you know in 10 months or so.
How I knew I was out of the worst of it: I started putting my life back on track exactly like you. Returning phone calls. Getting out. Sitting up instead of laying down. But what was the surest sign was when I was able to start making plans again. Meaning when I was back on a track, knowing what my next steps were, even if it was down the road. I needed to be doing SOMETHING. Waiting for my cycle to start. Meeting new doctors. Just something. I am not happy in a nebulous state and grief is, in my world, very very nebulous.
Lady, how much I love you. I empathize with the funk, even though mine is due to my employment status hinging on a bunch of people standing in picket lines… nothing as huge and heartbreaking as what you’ve been through. I’m soooooo glad that you’re feeling a little better.
Thanks, too, for sending some of your friends over to visit me. I’m not trying to make a baby, but I AM trying to get to be friends with a 5 year old. Guess I fit in a LITTLE now!
LOVELOVELOVE you.
That caffeine shit pissed me off too. Sorry, but it’s just another round of “let’s blame the woman”. Lame, lame, lame.
Glad to hear you’re coming out of your funk, honey.
Oh Cali, glad to hear it. I fear that I may be descending into that funk tomorrow, but to help me out of it, I would really love to see “How to Make Sweet Iced Tea like Cali’s Grandmother.”
Love,
m
Oh one more thing: listening to music means I’m out of the funk. I can’t listen to music when I’m that down; music touches me in a way I literally can’t bear to be touched when I am in pain, I need to hide in T.V. or a book.
Co and I looked up the caffeine study and snorted in disgust. Don’t spent a second in self-blame.
I know I’m out when I want to get out of the house–when I no longer want to sit in front of the TV or when being on the internet is not the only thing I want to do in a day.
It looks like you’re on the road to better. I’m glad to hear it!
i know i’m out of the funk when i wake up for the umpteenth morning in tears, the husband is at a loss as to how to console me, and i finally make an appointment to see a therapist. then i buck up and finally congratulate that pregnant girl at work who has been bugging the f*ck out of me. and she’s sweet, and i’m sweet and it’s all going to be ok.
i’m glad you are on the mend!
I know I’m coming out of the funk when I’ve gone fifteen minutes not thinking about the stuff that knocked me down. Eventually the fifteen minutes turns into a half-hour, then hour, and later a few hours. It’s always there, but no longer halts progress.
Sort of like where you are right now. So glad the veil is lifting!
I found you over here at your new home! My link on your blogroll works..which made me realize that I haven’t posted in forever and a day! Congratulations on the new blog. I’m enjoying the new book, Flick cons the bads! Its really great
I know I’m coming out of it when I can manage to get out of bed before noon, and can eat something other than cheese dip w/tortilla chips. For me, cheese dip= comfort. xoxo
i think you’ve pretty much got all the signs covered Cali. Can I just say too how much I appreciate having you take time to read and comment, in such a jolly fashion, on my scribblings about Tricky, with all you are going through. you are a top chick. And I am thrilled the Flicking is working so effectively for you. It’s only been a few weeks and you’re a quarter of a way, that is brilliant.
Am now going to flick a bit more in…
xxx
Eh, i’m still not sure i’m 100% out of mine, which just makes me feel worse sometimes.
BUT, i am SO happy that you are finding small rays of light and focusing them more on you right now. i have been flick flick flicking all morning and will continue to do so. We’ve gotta get this ball rolling again for you. You deserve it more than anyone i know.
I knew I was coming out of the funk when I started looking forward to things….like vacation, or visiting with somone. In the funk, experiencing fun seemed overwhelming and sad.