So check this out- I have been calling pretty much every fertility clinic in my state to find out how much they charge for a frozen embryo cycle. So far I have called six clinics and of those 6 three asked if I was doing a snowflake adoption.
What the fuck?
It wasn’t so much that they asked, but it was the way that they asked with this sort of glitter and whimsy in their voices.
Sheesh.
Oh & don’t get me started on the mega clinic in Orlando that refuses to treat single women. I mean, seriously. Talk about a clinic with a fucking God complex. Who are these doctors that feel like they get to decide who has the option to become a parent. I got into a pretty heated discussion with a woman from their billing dept. and it just upset me so much. At some point I would really like to out all of the clinics that have turned away patients based on their marital status or sexuality.
The trend in price seems to be $2500- $5000 and at some clinics that includes medication and monitoring and at other clinics that will tack on another chunk of change. It might as well be 10 million dollars. But at least I know what my obstacle is.
But enough about my non bleeding female bits. Yup. Still not bleeding. Still have boobs of glass and sleep all day tendencies. Mindfuck, party of one.
I am lucky that GM has been so, so sweet this week. The day after I found out about the bad beta GM asked if I was ok. I told her I was sad because I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I think she didn’t quite understand what I meant, but was able to mirror back the sadness. Frankly that was all that I needed at the time. Now she just knows that I am not feeling well. She has somehow figured out that if I am still in my pj’s when she wakes up that I am “sick”.
I feel badly that I haven’t been the best caretaker in the world this week. Don’t get me wrong I am still getting GM up and clean and dressed and fed and walked to the bathroom and tucked warmly into her recliner. But I am not able to engage her with conversation or energy as well as I would like. We basically spend the day with her tucked into her chair and me tucked into the couch and a marathon of some cable show on the tv.
The interesting thing is that BG has become crazily attached to GM. Once we are all settled into our den poses BG strolls into the room and leaps on to GM’s lap. She then stretches out completely and naps- all day. It’s almost as if BG has figured out that I am sucking at the care-giving at the moment and has decided to supplement my energy with her own. It delights GM so much to have this usually unbenevolent kitty claim her lap.
Side note: I am tinkering with the blog a bit as I wait for my new blog to be ready for me. All I am doing is moving this exact blog to a hosted domain- nothing fancy. However, if there are any creative types out there with ideas I would love to hear them.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh that clinic would seriously piss me off too. I HATE that there are people who try to make their own opinions and beliefs yours. Just because they wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to follow along. I’m sorry this is turning out to be so difficult and that you are also waiting for this to be over. Hugs to you, you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m envisioning you as Reese Witherspoon in “Pleasantville”. There’s the Universe giving you a “V8″ kinda nudge. Granted you take care of GM, and this blog, and your own life, but what about helping all the kids in Uganda? What about making a documentary outting all these antiquated clinics? I’m sticking to my absolute, unwavering belief that Julia will come into this world right when she’s supposed to. In the meantime, channel the anger and frustration with your godgiven talents. (Or just tell me to shut the **** up.)
Oh that clinic needs a butt whoopin. WTF?
I think about you often Cali and hope you are doing better each day.
Hi, I found your blog about 2 months ago and wanted to comment many times. Not sure why I didn’t. I am struggling with my own fertility issues, lack of insurance, travelling across states to get treatments, lack of money to pay for all this crap, and the general discrimination that excludes single, same sex, etc…It is sometimes too much to deal with. But there are ways around this f…..up system I tell you. I have exausted a couple of mine but am determined to find more…I would like to share with you a few things. If you become a NY state resident (get any job…housing may be another issue), they have a grant for people with insurance that does not cover ivf or only partially covers it (very easy to do, because most coverage sucks) which will supplement (and literally pay for most of the treatment, meds etc…). It is based on your income (my crappy social work salary gave me more bang for the buck) but myself and a friend of mine got ivf (2 trys) from top clinics (I do personally feel NY has some of the best) for a mere fraction of the cost. I am a NY native, so I qualified pretty easily, but I know of people who moved there (even temporarily) and qualified. Also, i just googled a clinic today that does ivf and fet for much less than anywhere else. I think fet was 2,000. It too is in NY….It appears to be a reputable doctor who is in private practice so he does not have the overhead costs of the big clinics, and can charge less. I have read some positive things about him, but personally do not know enough yet. I even plan on seeing him myself (put a call in today). I am also looking for a job that has ivf coverage/insurance. Some agencies/companies based out of Mass….Staples, for one may have good benefits , as Mass. is a mandated state (without crazy stipulations/conditions). I would work the cash register at Staples if I could get coverage, my Master’s degree should qualify me. Maryland (where I now live, is also mandated but you must be married and use your hubby’s sperm…how screwed up is that?), marry a known donor? then divorce right away! There are also some insurances based out of NY that cover ivf and start on the day of employment. Work a month…quit…get cobra…continue your life, and get treatment . And lastly, some clinics, in the DC/maryland/Va area have a gurantee refund program (I am too old) But if you are under 37, you get 6 ivf’s for 20,000.00, no live baby…you get the $ back. They screen you though and only want young candidates whose outcome will be good way before you reach 6 trys (thats how they make the big bucks). Anyway, I hope this is helpful. You are an excellent writer by the way. Just keep up your fierce determination….you are bound to have a baby one day. I wish you all the best. Feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions.
Fuckers. Yes, let’s do out them all – all the clinics that feel that they can play god and pick and choose who gets to be a parent.
Your kitty warms my heart.
That’s a steaming pile of bullshit from that damn clinic. There is NOTHING wrong with being a single mother (by choice or not) and I think it’s very empowering.
I nearly got into a physical altercation with this elderly lady at the mall the other day (now, I love, love, love the elderly most of the time. This lady was a probably a bitch when she was younger and is still a bitch now) who came up unsolicited to my family and began to discuss “how nice it was for a family to have a father” and “how not having a father and mother means that the kids will be messed up.” What she didn’t know is that I was, for several years, a single mother who loved every minute of it.
It’s making my blood boil just thinking about it.
I think that cats are more intuitive than many people assume. What a darling you have.
Take care of yourself.
No single women? Seriously? In 2008? Wtf?
And PM is right, cats have got it going on.
If you lied and said yes to the snowflake thing, would they cut you a deal? Oh! Or maybe you could say that you were doing something *similar* to that, but not that exact one. I’ll be the nice lady on the phone representing the agency. I’ll ever titter and I don’t do that for just anyone.
Dude – they are total assholes, but it is their money to lose. Stupid bigotted fuckers. You didn’t really want to drive to ORLANDO did you? I hate trying to navigate that area.
Find a clinic that will do a natural cycle. There is no medical reason to do a medicated frozen embryo cycle, it is all about convienence for the doctors. It will save you a bundle.
I’m sending you my love.
My partner and I are getting ready to do IVF at the clinic in MD that Hed is referring to, above. I don’t know if they’d do shared risk for FET, but I do know that it’s about $20K for your own eggs, $29K for a shared donor and $40 for a 1-to-1 anonymous donor. A big chunk of that expense is the stimming, retreival, incubating, etc, though, so I’m sure FET would be considerably cheaper.
Also, for what it’s worth, we’re using her eggs and I’ll be carrying, so what I’m doing is essentially the same as you’d do for FET, and the meds for that are only about $100 month (!) as compared to the crazy-expensive meds she’ll be taking to stim (included in the $40K shared risk fee).
Contact me via my blog if you want more info about the clinic or anything else. Or google “shared risk ivf maryland.”
I’m also from Florida and have been struggling for 4+ years with this infertility bullshit. I have no insurance and on Sunday I am flying up to NYC to start my first IVF. Not sure if it’s the same doc as the girl above me was talking about, but it seems to me like it is. He charges 2K for a FET. I’m paying $3,400 for regular IVF plus the meds, which I bought online for $630 (from a cop no less!). With my travel expenses (also paying to fly up my sister and husband), lodging and food, I’m paying half of what I’d pay in Tampa. He charges 2K for a FET. Please send me an email if you’d like his name. Whatever you end up doing, I just hope that you get in the end a beautiful baby of your own. One that you deserve so much. I admire your strength and determination.
It just sucks. And it’s so hard to care for someone when you are suffering so much yourself.
Holy cow, Cali, if i were you, i’d be asking for an ultrasound or another beta or SOMETHING! I’m not a believer in false hope and i was the most obsessive TTC infertile around, back in the “day” but i’d still have that nagging doubt (course, i used to pee on sticks even AFTER the blood started).
Anyway, I’m sorry if that sounded unhelpful or unsupportive. I have had BOTH what i would term a miscarriage (although probably in medical terms it would be called a “chemical”) and what i would call “chemical” pregnancies. It doesn’t matter WHAT you call ‘em, they all suck suck suck and sometimes silly people offering false help only make it worse. If that is the case, i am TRULY sorry. I’m actually more coming from a place of “prove it so I can get on with my life”. It’s empathy, in my own pathetic way. I realize still, 3 years later, that no one can REALLY understand how painful and hard all this is until they’ve actually been there themselves.
As for the fertility clinics, well, obviously they just suck too.
Hang in there. You have been so wonderful, caring and giving in the blog/internet/TTC world and you deserve the same.
Rebecca
That’s hidious. But what a great wealth of tips and information you are gathering in these comments. And…you are a great carer Cali, and everyone knows that. But carers are allowed to have shit days and sometimes carers need to be cared for too.
xx
how f-ing crap. yes, out the f-ers, out them all! that is SO last century. pah!! and hugs to you xx
Email me! Did you call the new clinic here? What did they say? And what, may i ask, is a snowflake adoption?
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