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Pedantic Feet
What I am about to tell you might seriously gross you the fuck out. I am sorry in advance.
I can not remember when I last painted my toenails. No, that is not the gross bit. The gross bit is that they are, indeed, painted. Meaning at some point I did put polish on them, but it has been so long that I have no viable memory of painting them.
When I am home I wear your basic black flip-flops to jaunt about the house. If I am going out I sock up and don my black chucks. I’m not really a summer shoe gal. My feet are ginourmous and for some reason strappy sandals look more like river rafts harnessed to my feet.
At some point, heaven knows when, I realized that my toenail polish was chipping off. But you know that impulse that so many of you have that would trigger you to either get a pedicure or touch up the toes yourself? Well I seem to lack that.
Instead I am sort of mesmerized by the chipping and flaking. I am convinced that the pattern forming on my middle toe looks like Hawaii. The polish on my pinkie toe is nearly gone.
This is the sort of thing that might have depressed me- the realization that I don’t care about my feet. The things that ground me to the earth, the bane of my growing up years, the thing that leaves my imprint on the beach (if I ever went there). But now I am just sort of amused by the sad state of my feet.
Really the greatest amusement my feet bring now is a little game I like to play with Talula. I call it the “watch out- I might step on your tail” game. Of course I never do step on her tail, but for some reason she is convinced that one day I won’t see her so if I get within a foot (heh) of her person she emits a glass breaking mew.
So for some reason I feel like if I ever got knocked up I would have better looking toes. I also feel like I would dress better and be way more in tune with fashion. I imagine that I will eat amazing and pure meals and that I will become an expert on skin creams. Pregnancy will help me become a better woman. It sucks that I am holding back now, but it’s he truth: I feel stilted. And my toes look like shit.
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I’ve been wanting to do Shoe Week Summer 2007, but I realized that all my cute summer shoes show my toes… and, my friend, we have twin toes. Though I think I’ve got the US Virgin Isles on my middle toe nail. AND my chipping nail paint is red, too.
All I’m going to say is one red strip left on each of my big toes and that is all. No more, no less.
Maybe this should be our next Photo Friday? “Show us how bad your toes are!” Mine are also half red and the pinky toes are devoid of polish at this point.
Of course, nail polish remover is toxic so you’re not supposed to use it while pg. Whatever.
(But I hope that means you just jinxed yourself into a successful FHI. If you did, you’re stuck with that polish, m’dear.)
It is definitely pedi time, girl. You should splurge–it is soo relaxing and might (for 30 minutes or so) take your mind off the TWW.
Maybe if we come over there this week we can all go together! Yipee!(i am such a girl)
But of course I am thinking “wow, she has lovely hair-free toes!” so I think they look good in some respects. It’s all relative. Or maybe I just have freaky toes. I haven’t painted my toe nails in forever. But umm, I don’t have a map of Hawaii on mine. Time to remove it!
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