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Protected: Protected: A side you never know.
The Weekend (l o n g)
This past weekend a member of the IVP that I have known since practically my 1st IUI (awww) made an executive decision that I needed to get out of my fucking house and have some fun. The good news was that Sarah lives ‘only’ 4+ hours away and it was a holiday weekend. The possibly bad news was that I’ve never had a house-guest in the new place and was worried about how GM would behave & if I could remember how to be a good host.
Sarah arrived just in time for lunch on Saturday. There are parts of the city that I have never been to and having an out of town guest is the perfect opportunity to explore. Mother let us borrow her fun convertible and the weather was amazing - I was so happy. We drove across the river and checked out a very hip vegetarian place. Seriously- they have this amazing hot dog that is really just a carrot. mmmmm….Bonus points were also given to the buzzed out counter attendant that kept telling us the special for air quotes brunch air quotes. Could never figure out why it was “brunch” and not just brunch.
We did loads more driving around Saturday. Driving around being one of my favorite things. I can’t tell you how lovely it was to be out of the house and not full of anxiety or guilt.
Dinner was at a surprisingly good Thai place not too far from my house. I’m not used to restaurants being in strip malls. Something about it just seems off. This place was just next door from a tame sex shop and a prosthetic fitting office (I wonder if they ever get peanut butter in their chocolate…). However once you were inside it felt like you were in a real (air quotes?) restaurant. I haven’t had pad thai in three hundred years and dayum was it good.
It was decided that in order to consume more wine that we should head back to my house and watch a movie. I had just gotten in Children of Men from that dvd rental in the mail site and was certain that it would be a good Saturday evening film. Mother was still up and behaving so she joined us in the den for an evening of cine-mah.
So picture this, I’m at the dvd player, I open the little red envelope and instead of Children of Men it is the chick flick movie that I was planning on watching all by myself so that I would never have to admit in public that I watched it. um. And it is the only dvd.
So I present the situation as a comedy of errors and try to laugh my way out of it. Mother, on the other hand, upon hearing the cast of chick flick, gets a look in her eyes like she thinks this movie has the potential to be the best movie she has ever seen in her life. My house-guest, however, upon hearing the plot, immediately starts making barf noises.
What do you do? Well if you are me you feel torn. Torn between wanting to look cool for your house-guest and wanting to watch the chick flick for reals. Plus all of Sarah’s kvetching, in the hazy filter of a few glasses of red wine, was looking kind of comical. Yes. So we put it in and I have to tell you. The movie was horrible. Awful. Not a thing redeeming about it except a funny moment over a character’s name. But watching it with Sarah and then my Mother booing and hissing at the screen? Priceless.
Sunday was a day of culture. We went to the #1 tourist place in my city, something that I was dreadfully afraid of because of crowds, and it was actually almost empty. We were able to walk around and not rub elbows with red necks or drunk people. There was even an opportunity to ride a boat around the river.
After some lunch we drove around the old historic district and ooh’d and aah’d over all of the giant houses. Next stop was a museum that was nearly impossible to find. Luckily Sarah is the same type of museum goer as I am so I didn’t have to stand for hours gazing at a single portrait or muse on porcelain. There was even a place to simply sit and color and that might have been my favorite part. The museum also had 2 acres of gardens right on the river so we plonked on our summer hats and took a stroll.
Saturday evening was supposed to be mellow. A movie in a real live movie theatre and dinner at whatever fun place we could find. We picked a movie to see at the local cinema and drove off in Mother’s fun-mobile. I pulled in to a primo space in the shade, got out of the car, and somehow activated an extremely stealth anti-theft device. The car completely shut down. As in I couldn’t lock it with the key chain thingie, I couldn’t get the car to start, I couldn’t get the car to do anything. Panic! My Mother’s car!
Insert here hours of no fun, sitting in a parking lot, stressing out, missing a movie, waiting for a tow truck, dealing with weird people, and feeling like the worst host EVER. Everything worked it self out eventually. (thanks to a surge from getting a jump start we were able to override the anti theft. And now that I told you that, please don’t go steal my Mother’s car.)
Sunday was more driving around looking at rich people’s houses - this time they were the ones at the ocean. Every other house was gasp worthy. At every stop sign perfect tanned families with their flaxen haired offspring crossed the street to play at the ocean. sigh.
After some breakfast at an established diner Sarah was on the road back to her life and I was back to mine. Which brings us to GM.
I will say that GM was excited about a house guest. She helped me get the room ready and asked lots of questions about who Sarah was and how I knew her. I was honest and said that Sarah and I were both trying to have babies in unconventional ways and that we met in a virtual support group. Funny- I can’t imagine I would have been so honest with GM a few years ago. So pre visit GM was sort of giddy.
Once Sarah got here GM was more quiet and almost shy. Well actually she was probably asleep in her den chair for most of the time Sarah saw her. But when she was awake she was kind and well behaved and almost sweet. However it was reported to me that when I would leave GM got very pouty and would say that I didn’t love her. That I was going to leave her. That I would rather be out with someone my own age.
Sunday, the day that Sarah left, was the beginning of GM’s guilt trip. Lots of whimpering and snarky things said about me and how I abandoned her. Lots of comments such as, “I know you don’t love me anymore.” It was pure and simple jealousy. ugh.
Yesterday it began as more of the same. I had to go into overdrive to get her mindset turned around. It was exhausting. And not to seek blame, but I have to wonder if part of GM’s issue is that Mother is not as active with GM as I am. So while GM was most certainly not left alone, she may have felt that way as Mother spent most of the weekend napping on the couch.
This is bad news for when I eventually will go off for my IVF. I am starting to think more and more about not doing local monitoring and instead taking a week and a half break to go up to Northeast clinic. (this is hypothetical people, calm down, I have not gotten any phone calls…yet) I am just hopeful that once we get this home health aid thing sorted out (I am in line to be called back for intake paperwork) that it will be someone that can stimulate GM.
I also have to remind myself that I SHOULD be going out more and doing things for me. Of course GM is going to want me to always be around, but it might be better for both of us if I was able to recharge more. I am certainly in a better mood having had company and extroverted activities- that can only make me a better caregiver.
Post tomorrow- I promise.
I had a fantastic weekend. It was seriously one of the bests that I have had in a long while. I’ll write about it and how GM behaved (pre, during & post my company’s visit) as well.
I am cracking up over all of the google searches that you guys are sharing. My newest blog visitor has found me by searching for “blonde sperm and redheaded egg”.
Something about that just makes me smile.
Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?
5 points to the first person that can tell me who sings the above song.
Did you like that? That was easy, right? It didn’t make you feel dumb or like you live in a hole? Good. I have to tell you that there are some blogs (that I cherish) that are written by these inSANELY smart & brilliant people and sometimes they toss out these obscure (to me) lyrics or quotations or lines from a poem. And every time I see it, usually followed by a, “can anyone tell me who said that?”, I freak the fuck out. Because I can’t tell you the name of that poem or what thick book your phrase is from. It makes me feel soooooo dumb. A feeling that is then repeated when I sneak off to their comments section for the answer and either (a) I still have never heard of it of or (b) EVERY one has already commented with the answer…and, again, I still haven’t heard of it.
When I was in college I lived one block away from a Ben & Jerry’s. This was a hip and happening place to be. Every day they would post a quotation on their white board and the first person that could tell them who said it would get a free cone. There were kids in my dorm that made it their mission to solve the quote as often as they could. By the end of the first semester 3 of the reigning quote champs lived in my building - we could have thrown a parade for them they were so cool.
I liked the idea of the quotations. I liked that there were people that got excited about figuring them out. I enjoyed it as a spectator sport. But I’ve never aspired to BE an athlete in the game of power quotes. Now I find that most of my blog friends are fucking smart. Not just “I have a college degree” smart- but “I actually paid attention in school and THEN some” smart.
um…as for me? Yeah, I didn’t pay so much attention.
This is not to say that I don’t adore my brilliant blog friends that toss out quotes all willy nilly and expect others to know them. Hell, it’s a challenge. Challenges are meant to be good. And one day, ONE day, they may toss out a quote and I’ll be the chick that knows it.
Now as for the meaning behind my post’s title, I just want to give a shout out to some of the random people that have landed on my blog. One of the bitchin’ things about wordpress is that it has stats built in. I love me some stats.
The graph that shows the increase (or decline) in readership is fascinating. I like to see where you go next after reading my words and what site you’ve read just before mine. I’m nosy like that.
Of course my favorite thing is to see what you were searching for that brought you to me. I get that some of you have found me looking for stuff about being an SMC. I also love the people doing research on donor eggs or donor sperm that end up here. Hi!
But some of the things you people are searching for are interesting. And it is more interesting that your search brought you to me.
This week 4 readers found me by searching for the words “big big big ass”. I’m so glad that I could be here for you. Yes, my ass is big. Maybe just two “bigs” and not three, but hello nonetheless.
2 readers are here that are looking for “NICE LETTERS TO MEET WOMANS”. Not sure I can help you guys (or gals), but just from experience most womans do enjoy getting a nice letter. So good luck with that.
But perhaps the most fitting search was for “Breezy pants girl”. 7 of you. Hello! Not sure what a breezy pants girl is - but we have already established that I am not a smarty pants.
What are people looking for when they find you?
Let’s talk:
There are two products that have recently come to my attention in my beautiful plight to shed a handful of pounds. These products have literally given me pause and I am baffled that anyone would consume them. But I want to have an open mind about things. So this is your chance to illuminate me if my original “eeeeeeW” assumption was incorrect.
Product #1:
Diet Coke Plus. At first glance it makes me giggle. GM drinks something called ensure plus and the “plus” adds about 150 calories and leaves her with a chalky, chocolate mustache. In this case the “plus” in a beverage is a dose of B vitamins, although not as much to make your daily Flintstones vitamin obsolete.
So have any of you tried this product? Are any of you thinking about trying it? Other than the shiny new penny allure, what else draws you toward something like this product?
Product #2:
Alli- a new otc weight loss pill. A lower dose of the prescription pill, Xenical, Alli is getting a lot of press these days- even though the pill has yet to be released. (6/15/07) I actually got an e-mail from a popular on-line drug store asking me if I wanted to pre-order. Apparently my Mother got the same e-mail as she then sent me a link to the product and a statement: “Should we try this? If you try it I will try it with you.”
So I did some research. The drug company stresses over and over again that you have to make a commitment to the pill. And if you don’t obey the rules you will leak shit. And not just any shit, but shit that will look like “the oil on top of a pizza”. Another side effect, wait they stress not to call it a side effect but ‘treatment effect‘ is “gas with an oily discharge”.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
Basically it is a fear pill. If you take the pill and don’t behave you will have a ‘treatment effect’. So behave, good little fatty, and don’t complain.
Really it just seems so, I don’t know, undignified and shameful. And sado-masochistic.
But tell the truth. Are any of you curious about it to the point of trying it?
BONUS: Movie Reviews by Calliope & GM
Pan’s Labyrinth: I found it visually stunning and captivating. (& you KNOW I love me some labyrinth.) The story was tragic and surprising. I will admit, not being one for blood & guts, that I missed about 20% of the movie as my head was covered by my den blankie. GM fell asleep about 10 minutes in but woke up at various points. She seemed to be most entranced by the special effects. A+
The History Boys: I LOVED this movie. Based on a brilliant a long running British play, this flick will make you nostalgic for the love of learning. If you are a student or teacher or have ever been a student or taught by a teacher, you must watch this. If anything it made me want to call up my favorite 6th grade teacher and thank her for being so kick ass. GM loved that the movie was British, but she could not keep up with the fast pace of the story & dialogue and ultimately nodded off 15 minutes in. B+
Another personal hero:
Damn impressive.
Translation please:
So I just got, in the mail, the RX for GM’s home health care. It is seriously so effing basic looking that I wonder how such a simple bit of paper can be such a weighted golden key for us.
However I am not sure what one abbreviation means and need some input.
This is the entire prescription: “Home Health Care for assistance with medications, ADL’s”
Not sure why they put help with medications unless that is a standard sort of thing that would enable us to have someone come every day (?!). But really it is the “ADL’s” that has me confused. GM needs help with the anti-defamation league?
Of course I could start calling places…but I want to know exactly what this prescription is for. And is it bad that there is nothing that specifically says “hygiene help”? Maybe ADL’s stands for Assistance Defunking Limbs? Automatic Drip-dry Love? Aid Dunks Lady?
ALSO: I am not sure how GM would deal with a male nurse for bathing. Part of me thinks she would be bashful…but then I remember how she looooooooves men and I wonder if she might (gasp) enjoy it. We may start out with a woman though just in case. Hell- we probably won’t have a choice!
John Wayne is in the house.
All week, to celebrate what would have been his 100th birthday, TCM is airing virtually every movie John Wayne ever made. Have I mentioned how GM lurves her some John Wayne? It is the cutest thing. If Maureen O’Hara is in the movie it is an added bonus as GM fancies herself in her role as the fiery red-head. Let’s just hope this keeps moods nice and mellow for the week.
In other GM news I got a call from her doctor’s office late yesterday afternoon. Since GM was JUST in for a check up/meds evaluation, the Doctor was able to write the RX for a home health aid without us having to come back in. It is coming in the mail and I have no idea what it will say. I’m doing my research now on best reviewed medicare covered agencies in the area.
Last night I had a bit of a melt down. GM is sooooo resistant to change and help. I am just worried how we will introduce this new person. Worried how they will get her to bathe — worried about all of the things that she fights me on. I am hoping that we can find an older male nurse as she responds so well to men. I’m wondering if we can “sell”the nurse to GM as a physical therapist aid.
All new territory. But I’m glad to explore it.
Protected: Funny Female Bits & other (tid) bits
Ha ha! I’m 15 days past ovulation and my period refuses to show up. I have never, not even on va jay jay rockets, experienced a 15 day luteal phase. Part of me thinks, “how lovely! Perhaps my luteal issues are working themselves out!” Put really I just think my female bits are fucking with me, taunting me, laughing at me for even noticing.
And then I have the annoying voice in my head that thinks (oh, it’s a good one) that maybe my period is late so that it can be READY when (if) THE phone call happens. Maybe my uterus knows something that I don’t know. So sad the way my mind works sometimes. You know not everything happens for a reason.
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So remember that job that I was all excited about? The one that had me spending a morning in a cherry picker and taking photographs? Well after 3 more photography sessions I have been given a contract. The company has decided that they want night time shots with lots of action as opposed to day time shots without many people. I did a quick read up on time-delayed images, found my trusty tri-pod and shot for a few hours last night. And you know what- they are fucking good. (If I do say so myself.)
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After MUCH research I have discovered that GM can, in fact, have a medicare home health aid. I’ve called GM’s doctor and GM may have to go back in for another exam. You see GM will have to be declared incapable of helping herself. Kind of a big deal, but it is time that we start to accept that. So there is forward movement.
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I am going to have a FUN Memorial Day weekend. I have a friend coming from out of town for a few days and as she is just as pale (if not more so) than I am we can totally get away with having a movie marathon and going out to bars.
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Seriously…WHEN is the phone going to ring? I know it isn’t June yet & I should chill out. But you can’t blame a girl for hoping.
Twiddling thumbs sucks ass.
Sometime this past week a list was updated in a northeast fertility clinic. This list contains my anonymous information. Somewhere, out there, a woman is either shaking her head at my information and putting a big, red, X across my anonymous id number. Or she is putting a circle around me and thinking…maybe.
It’s maddening…thinking about all of the things that might or might not be happening. I could be completely passed over - it is very, very probable. I’m just preparing myself for it. Of course I won’t know jack for a few more weeks. But I am officially flinching when the phone rings.
I’ve never been good with idle hands, so I started an official IVP site and established a webring (bottom of my sidebar for those that want to join). I’m also looking for a few good women to help things along at the IVP site. There are details there if you are interested.
Also, if you haven’t already, please go visit Charlotte and offer some much needed light & love. I just can’t even imagine. I know we are all hurting for her and with her.
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