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Nice to meet you. Have I told you about my hoo ha?
I don’t meet many new people. With my world revolving around GM there just isn’t much of an opportunity to socialize outside of the house. So I have some friendly chats with the ladies I see weekly at GM’s hair salon. I have a rapport with the bag boy and check out lady at the grocery store. And of course the people at the pharmacy only know me through the medications that I pick up for Mother & GM.
Lately I have started trying to chat up the regulars at the fitness center, but since I don’t play golf and I don’t have a prostate I rarely exceed the 2 minute mark in banter.
This morning I realized that I am loosing my people skills. Or rather my meeting new people skills. I had an informal job interview to be a pet sitter for another neighbor. I walked in, was pounced on by the sweetest Golden Retriever I have ever met, scratched the ear of a nonchalant tabby and then sat down to chat with the pet owner/potential employer. Not one minute went by and I found myself saying, “Well I am also trying to have a baby.” Granted this was said in response to the, “So what are your interests?” question, and having a baby is probably mu number one interest. But really. Does the lady need to know? Did I really need to get all involved in talking about it? I mean, I really T A L K E D about it.
As soon as I revealed it I felt like such a freak. How on earth could something so private, so personal have tripped so easily off of my tongue to a person was only 8 minutes shy of being a stranger? Is this all I am? A woman trying to have a baby?
The dog and the cat made it clear that they were cool with me, but who knows if they had been more ambivalent I may not have been hired. I don’t think I offended this woman. In fact she actually THANKED me for being honest and open. “I Find it refreshing” is what she said to my face. But I continue to be mortified at what she probably really thought.
Seriously- can you imagine the pizza delivery boy chatting you up about his constipation? The woman that rotates your tires talking about her inability to orgasm? The man at the bank giving you your balance slip and a piece of his mind about how his father craps the bed?
Inappropriate. That is what I was. On the walk home I considered writing a letter of apology, but I think I will let it drop. I also have to wonder if my freedom of speech was so forthcoming since I knew that my potential employer was a lesbian. Which is lame of me to assume that every lesbian couple is an expert of fertility. Very unprogressive.
Am I alone in this? Have you guys found that all you want to talk about and discuss is hoo ha business? Maybe this is why my non baby making friends stopped e-mailing…
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21 Responses to “Nice to meet you. Have I told you about my hoo ha?”
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Oh how I can relate to this post. I was always talking about TTC wth strangers and–more horrifying— about m/c and such. To wit: I was in my elevator on my way to the gym once and a neighbor commented on how I lost some weight. Well sure, i said, I had a miscarriage and was on fertility meds for a year straight so once that stopped I returned to normal weight. She stopped commenting. I went to a confernece for work and had to miss an afternoon session so i told the woman at check-in–from whom I was trying to procur materials and agendas for the afternoon so i could stay abreast— that i had to go to a follow up appt. with my RE because I just had an ectopic and I am still bleeding which is scaring me so could she PLEASE understand and release the time-sensitive material anyway??!! Or how about when people ask if this is my first child and I tell them well, technically, no, since I have had three miscarriages. I could go on and on and on.
What you did, I think, is perfectly normal and fine. This is where you are right now in life and this is part of who you are. I really and truly believed that Potential Employer was not alarmed in the least. I wouldn’t be if someone said such things to me. I might be slighty differnet, since I am the type who usually is an open book anyway, but still. I am sure this woman took it in stride. And if she actually THANKED YOU for your honesty and openness, then why question it it all? I tend to believe people when they say such things. Why would she lie? Believe her and don’t doubt yourself. You can go thru life all buttoned up and private, but what is the point in that? Take a chance and you will make better and deeper connections. It seems to me you are doing just fine on the people skills.
Oh man, you are not alone! I’m am so freakin’ obsessed with TTC that I’m losing touch with the real world. But you know what? It’s okay. We desperately want something that most assume is a given, to be able to reproduce. And because we can’t seem to get that most basic of animalistic drives to work for us, well…
Speaking as one of those buttoned-up, private people that Jennifer mentions, hell, I think you did a good thing, both for yourself and for her. If she says she found it refreshing, she probably did, and if that’s a rare occurrence, then that’s a sad indictment of how we fail to relate to other people these days.
I spend my life obsessing about trying to get pregnant, but I find myself unable to talk about it to practically everyone I know in real life, other than in the most superficial and falsely jovial terms. That makes me sadder than a very sad thing. I get angry with them for not “getting it”; for not being more supportive - poor them, they don’t know what’s going on! And I make myself a martyr to holding it all in.
In fact, if it wasn’t for the outlet of this blogging community, I’d probably be a wreck, because sometimes it does feel, if not the whole of what I am, then at least a significant part of it, and I don’t really think it’s healthy to hide a significant part of yourself away from the world, even though that’s exactly what I can’t stop myself doing.
I myself being queen of the spaz people and prone to pretty extreme inapproriateness can relate. You know that while I cannot relate to all of the issues that you experience as you make this dream come true, I do try to empathize and I do support you. And speaking of innapropraite hoo-ha-ness - went in for that much needed pap last week. Was greeted (after an hour of waiting in the lobby) by Ben the student PA. I have never been so mauled by a physicain since I was 15. It sucked, but I got it done. I love you Calli!!!!!
As queen of the spaz people and prone to extreme innappropriateness, I can relate to the hashing and re-hashing of every eye twitch, let alone every word after you think you have socially blundered. Which by the way I don’t think happened in your case. And although I cannot possiby relate to all of the issues you face on this journey to make a dream come true I do try to empathize and I do support you totally. You are so loved by so many who want to see you happy! And while we are on the subject of innappropriate hoo-ha-ness: I went in for that long overdue pap last Thursday and was greeted (after an hour wait in the lobby) by Ben the Student P.A. I haven’t been mauled by a physician like that since I was 15!! But I got it done, thank you for militantly encouraging me!
I think it was fine to say that - she thinks you’re refreshing, that’s cool! And I can so relate to what you said. As much as I love my job, every time we talk about 5 year plans and whatever at work, all I can think about is I WANT TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD BY THEN and suchlike. Do I say that? No, but I wish I did. I wish I had your balls (apologies for wrong body part referencing, but you know what I mean)!
I reveal inappropriate stuff all the time, AND I ask inappropriately personal questions. Totally. But I really do find it refreshing when other people do the same.
As one of your “non-baby-making friends” who will NEVER stop emailing… I “get” this post 100%. I think that in your world of GM care and gated communities… you forget that YOU are the kind of person that draws people to you. I dunno if it’s the “kind face” syndrome, aura or what it is… but I recall being at the frigging GROCERY STORE with you and having absolute strangers come up and talk with you. You are a People Person. That said, what’s WRONG with talking? That lame-a** myspace has a page for my HS graduating class. You’d be surprised at how many people are hungry to reconnect with that time in their lives. This girl who I had known in grade school, but didn’t share Breakfast Club-cliques with in HS emailed me. In what should be friendly how’ve-you-been’s… I puked out all of my personal problems to her. Blah! Right there. And I felt just like you did… and I actually told her “Hope I didn’t scare you with all of that information…” and she wrote back “How do you get to know someone without hearing about things like that?” And there you go. You needed to talk. And if Whatshername didn’t accept that, t’hell with her. But it sounds like you got a new job outta the deal… and maybe even a new friend.
The woman said it was refreshing. She didn’t recoil in horror. It was okay. I suspect you’re perceptive enough that if you’d truly made her uncomfortable, you would’ve noticed and changed the subject. Some people actually are really interested in this stuff.
Please, cut yourself some slack. You are being so hard on yourself lately. Hugs.
Absolutely. You are not alone. I find myself saying completely inappropriate things about this TTC shit all the time, and I cannot seem to stop myself. It happens everywhere– at work, at the grocery store, the post office–EVERYWHERE.
Just call me “Shelli TMI Lastname” thankyouverymuch.
It’s all good, honey, you’re human, and you’re connecting with other, sit’s wonderufl, actually!
i know what you mean. seems all i ever want to talk
about it ttc stuff. and i’ve had friends get
squeamish when i talk about fertile mucus, and
clomid dried up mucus, and catheters, and sperm,
and the list goes on. but you know what i need to
be able to talk, so i do.
it does seem like the new employer was cool with it
and like someone else said, maybe she is friend
material!
I have always been the girl who shares too much… the one who discusses her genital herpes at parties…. the consistency and color of my poop …you name it… I’ve said it out loud… lol. You don’t think I’ve stopped emailing, do you?!!
Oh, and I also meant to say I, too, have thought about writing letters of apology… even typed them up but then hit delete because I realized people might think I was even more of a freak for the letter than talking about my bodily functions….
I work with mostly men, can you imagine how horrifed they are when I start talking about this stuff. You’re not alone. I don’t think you need to apologize, so you said you’re trying to have a baby, not overthrow Bush (I know there’s a pun in there).
I would like to apologize for my double posting above… for some reason I never know if they have “taken” or not. So sorry, and i too frequently make apology letters that never get delivered…. hahahahaha!!!!
I do this all the time as well. Just spill the whole thing always… even sometimes when I’m not trying to. Its a disease maybe? I did it a lot when we were in the midst. Like hell I have to suffer this… here… so do you.
Anyway, you are honest and that’s a good thing. Here’s hoping your new employer was being just as honest in her remarks.
You are so not the only one. Sometimes (Saturday morning, ahem), i find myself completely oblivious to others when given the chance to talk about what we’re going through.
And when someone finds out or someone asks something even similar to “do you want kids”, i find myself sharing WAY too much information.
i think it’s natural considering how much time we spend focusing on this, and we get so caught up in our heads (and our keyboards) about what’s going on that the ability to actually discuss it with someone (or just barrage them with TMI) can be soooo relieving.
i’m sure the lesbians loved your honesty… When do you find out if you got the job?!
Please I think these TMI moments are a rite a passage in the TTC world! It’s all good!
[...] that for TMI? Published [...]
It’s so hard to refrain!