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Places to Go:
The 4th Wall.
For those of you past and present theatre geeks you know exactly what I mean by The 4th Wall. For all of you others I offer this from Wikipedia: “The fourth wall is the imaginary invisible wall at the front of the stage in proscenium theatre, through which the audience sees the action in the world of the play.”
In theatre, movies and novels- there is a contained world. A world that the writer, film crew, stage designers and/or a whole slew of others have worked very hard to create. While the goal, in most cases, is to have you, the audience feel as if you are there, usually you are not meant to BE there as an active participant. (exceptions are huge, of course, Tony & Tina’s Wedding, anyone?) The audience is kept apart, at a safe distance, to react and observe. You are then free to leave the cinema, theatre, or library and get back to your own life. Maybe the work of art seeped into your heart a bit, maybe some of the subject matter made you mad. Perhaps you became motivated to change the world.
In the 1930’s Clifford Odets wrote a play called called Waiting for Lefty. It was produced by and with members of the cutting edge Group Theatre. The play, a fluid series of scenes about a group of taxi drivers and their union meetings, was a breakthrough. When the play was first performed the audience was so moved that they stood up and began to yell and shout for a strike.
You may ask yourself, just where the fuck is Calliope going with this? hang in there.
Blogging is, to some of us, our creative outlet. It is our non-fiction story unfolding daily to a (hopefully) engaged ‘audience’. We choose what we tell, we choose how we tell, and some of us (via password protected blogs) choose who we tell. It is truth, but sifted, filtered and presented in the best light. I may speak only for myself here, but I really want you to like me. I want you to want to be my friend. I actually need it.
So I don’t really talk about some of the shitty things I do. Like sometimes I loose my temper with GM. And I harbor some weird resentment about being the family’s go-to caretaker. I also don’t always wear deodorant or brush my teeth before I go to bed. Sometimes I wake up and wonder what the fuck I am doing with my life. And other days I feel very blessed. I have one of the worst memories you can imagine. I pretend (or try) to be smarter than I am. Not only am I a horrible speller, but I repeatedly misspell the same words. I have huge gaps of my life that I can not recall. I pine for romance, but if a possibility ever presented itself I would run far, far away from it. I hate change and the unknown. I joke about the size of my ass, but it is honestly bigger than you think. I joke about my acne, but it is much more of a sensitive issue. (hence the joking) I have had the same polish on my toenails for so long that I can not even remember when I painted them.
So what I am saying is that I am ridiculously flawed. Damaged.
And today I am breaking the 4th wall.
I am meeting a fellow blogger for dinner tonight. We have ‘known’ each other for well over a year having ‘met’ on that charting site that makes us all roll our eyes. We have some very specific things in common. The single thing, the wanting to have a baby thing, the using donor sperm thing, the watching of everyone around us swell with pregnancies, banning inane terminology such as “baby dust”, being pissed at the universe…core commonalities.
For as long as we have ‘known’ each other we have had this massive subject to bond over. Sure we know glimpses of each other’s life, but there is a huge gap between what we present on line versus who we really are. And tonight that gap is going to grow a lot smaller.
I am terrified that she won’t like me. I am freaking the fuck out that she will take one look at me and cringe at this lady behind the curtain. However, as much as I am freaked out, I am also really giddy to meet her.
Then in October I am meeting two more fellow bloggers. And maybe (like early November) I can meet some of you Northeast bloggers.
And then the jig will be up. I will be exposed for the dork that I really am. Be kind.
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Speaking of breaking the 4th wall: Please be aware that now that google has merged with blogger you may inadvertently be leaving comments under your real name. For protection I know that many of us blog under initials or assumed names. Double check before you leave a comment. If you are logged into google, even in a different window, blogger may use your REAL name. If you are worried that this may happen I have enabled anonymous comments. But because I am very needy & contradictory I will ask that you ’sign’ your anonymous comments.
Comments
22 Responses to “The 4th Wall.”
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Well you’re OK with me, as I prefer dorks.
I prefer dorks too.
And seriously - we’re all flawed, and I think, for the most part, we tend to mask a lot of our flaws (on the internets, at least) behind humor, or bravado, etc.
Good luck to you on your irl blogger meeting. And seriously, what’s not to like? Anyway, I think you’re great. Flawed, probably. But great anyway
Well, I am a dork, so you’d be fine with me.
And damnit, I wanna meet you!
When Plimco (from Bumbershoot Casserole) was driving through Salt Lake to meet me, I was terrified. I’ve worked hard at creating the persona you’ve all come to know and love. And yes, she is a lot like the real me. Some might say that we’re almost indistinguishable at first glance. But the real me is a lot more unsure, clumbsy, awkward, shy, and chubby than the on-line me. I was so worried that she’d be disappointed. That she wouldn’t like me anymore. But actually she’s told me that she likes me even more now that she knows more of me to like.
I can’t wait to meet you someday. I’m sure it’ll be the same thing — once I know more of you, I’ll know more of you to like.
I hope you have fun with your online blogger friend. I think it’s so fun to meet people IRL because then you get to know the whole person and there’s more to like. Of course you’re always nervous, but usually it works out great. We met Trista last May and she was even better in person! And now when I read her posts, she’s more “real” to me, if that makes any sense. So, have fun!
You know, M, I wasn’t as nervous meeting you and Sacha as I was meeting Plimco. Maybe because we’d already spoken on the phone? Maybe because it wasn’t my home turf? There was just excitement there for me…
Not fair! I want to meet you. Humppphh. I KNOW I would love in in real life. I just know. You know how sometimes you just know?
And how would we know if we were commenting under our real name? Please advise.
You guys are going to have a great time tonight. I’m sure she’s as nervous as you are. I know when I met Cindy and Tammy I was equally as nervous, but that went great.
Have a terrific time, give S. a kiss from me, and please both of you have a drink for me too.
At the core you seem to be a good person and I’m sure she’ll like you just fine. You’re not a saint and of course you’re going to loose your temper sometimes. I’m down right nasty some days. As for raging against not being successful at TTC, I’ve been there. I’m still a little resentful that I’m not blissfully ignorant that it’s easy and nothing goes wrong. Yet all of us trying, dealing with losses, and scared of loosing know better. I hate brushing my teeth, and I hate my hair. I don’t like to exercise, I’m not fond of most people, my family…well don’t get me started on them. I hate that my childhood sucked, and I’d love to be going through this with a partner. Truth is, you’re like the rest of us, wonderfully flawed and I for one like you!
So far the only post-blog, fellow-blogger, real-life friend I’ve made is Steph. And believe me, I worry about what she thinks. We will never have certain things in common, as she is a nun (well, sister) living in a monastery and I am married and obviously have sex enough to get pregnant at least once a year. Are nuns required to be nice to everyone?
Have a good time. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
“needy, contradictory, dorky, ridiculously flawed, damaged”??
A note to your ALTER-EGO:
Listen up, big, mean bully, take it easy on my new friend caliope or i’ll hunt you down and beat your ass.
Can’t you see how thoughtful and kind she is and how honest and brave? Can’t you see how well-liked she is, even by people who’ve just gotten the first sense of who she is? Can’t you see how hard she works and how much she needs you to be kind to her?
Back off, jackass. You’re full of hot air anyway.
(I hope this makes sense)
As you know, our words are only one part of who we are > but they are probably more revealing and more truthful than what we realise….and our blogs mean that we can meet another person IRL and it can feel as though you have known them for a long time. I remember I was a teensy bit concerned before meeting Mermaidgrrl and her partner LM, but we all had a great connection right away…I felt like I had known them for years. Best of luck for the catch up, and if your talk is anything like your blog, you’d be an incredible person to meet.xxThe Beanies
I like you!
and am excited to hear that you might be visiting the Northeast!!!!
Sugarplum, none of us are perfect; if we were, life would be very boring. The trick is to appreciate our differences, rather than to allow them to separate us.
I am very jealous that you and S. are getting to meet.
Yes, it may be a little awkward; then again, it may be one of those magic moments when you meet someone and feel like you’ve always known them.
You guys are sometimes my safety net, and are a fantastic group of ladies. You’re going to have a great time. So let it be written, so let it be done!
How very cool to get to meet someone from the blogosphere IRL. I’ve gotten to meet two such friends this way - and it didn’t take but mintues to get past the awkward part, and now we are the three blogoteers. I do remember that nervous feeling though - funny I wasn’t worried about me not liking her - only about her thinking I was a dork. Which I am, but she doesn’t care. Hope you have a great time!
I’ve met many of the bloggers and “rolling our eyes site” folks - and I’m ALWAYS impressed and inspired.
I bet the same will happen for you. Because, you darling, like all of us, are a star, and a human, and flawed like all of us, but STILL OH SO VERY LOVEABLE.
Neener.
Now. What’s this about November? Wanna come for turkey day? And we can compare ass size?
(mine’s bigger)
I like you and even though my life is definetly not as interesting as yours I consider you not only a fellow blogger but also a friend. Dorks unite!
I was all excited about a turkey-time meetup until Shelli said there would be ass-size-comparing going on… and while I love to win I may just not show up for THAT competition.
Come to the Northeast… yay! Dorks rule!
Can’t wait to hear how it went and please hurry up and come here.
Meeting a new friend you’ve gotten to know through blogging or chat rooms what ever other ways there are to meet new people online, is just that - another way to meet people. To me, you are someone I would definitely love to meet! As for opening up the 4th wall, well, most of us have a hard time displaying our other side in print. The people that are worth getting to know are those that understand that instinct to protect ourselves and will be there regardless of how much you put on display. The heart of the person shines through regardless. Try reading a blog of a high maintenance, self absorbed, it’s all about me girl whose world is solely about not the number of guys she dates but if they are worth bothering with if they don’t have pots of money. Your heart is giving and sincere. Fear not!
You are way smart…and I know you in real life!!
Hello
I can’t be bothered with anything these days, but shrug. I just don’t have anything to say recently.
Bye