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The Groups
The timing was right.
How many times does it happen? You want to say something, talk about something important, but there never seems to be the right moment. Sometimes what you want to talk about is larger than life and in addition to never finding the right time you polarize yourself silly with the fear of how what you need to say will be heard.
So, in honor of Sophia from the Golden Girls…
Picture this: The kitchen table, GM & I have just completed our 3rd crossword puzzle of the day and we are being silly and laughing. I feel this push - an out of body shove, if you will- to start THE conversation.
So I tell GM that I have something that I want to talk to her about, something that I need her support on. She straightens up in her chair and puts on her best, “I’m all ears, kid” face. I tell her that for a long time there has been something that I wanted and that no matter how hard I pray for it it won’t happen unless I put some work into it. She begins to smile like a Cheshire cat and I immediately realize that she knows. On some level she just knew.
I dive in with, “I’m ready to have a baby.” And GM, thank fucking God (really), replies, “Can we name her Julia*?”
She then asks me all sorts of questions:
1) Do I have a boyfriend?
I tell her no but that some day I would like to fall in love. She doesn’t grill me about needing to be married or in a relationship - the things I feared most. She did remark that I wouldn’t have to deal with in-laws. ha! I explain about sperm donors & she nods as if she has heard it all before. I do wonder if some of those TLC shows she was so intent on watching months ago paved the way.
2) How much do I know about my sperm donor? (my GM used the words ’sperm donor’!!!!)
I had the laptop in the kitchen already so I pulled up Churchill’s photo & information and she said, “Oh I know him.” Which I took to mean he has a familiar look about him. Something that I will attribute to his having the same geographic ancestry.
3) Will it hurt?
I told her that some of it may be very, very uncomfortable and I will need lots of love. I also explained that if it didn’t work my heart would hurt the most. I did NOT let on that I had been down this road for over a year. Besides- not to start a fertility pissing contest- but from what I have observed- the emotions, energy & investment in an IVF cycle is a katrillion times more intense than an IUI cycle. This will be very new territory for me.
4) What does my Mother think?
She actually asked me if I wanted her (GM) to be with me when I told Mother that I wanted a baby. So cute. I told her that Mother was on board and excited and more concerned about what potential kid would call her as she is very anti many Grandmother names.
5) Will I have a boy or girl?
Not sure where this question came from. I think there might be some confusion about exactly what IVF is. GM would like me to have a girl and I told her I would do my best, but that if we got a boy we would love him just as much. And she said, “But we can’t name him Julia.” um, right.
6) Will you let me hold her?
Yes. of course yes. I told GM that she would have to help me take care of the baby- IF(I mean that as a capital if, the big IF- not some sort of garbled short-hand for IVF) I got a baby. GM mimed rocking a baby and my heart started to ooze this new emotion: somewhere between elation, relief and hope.
We must have talked for over an hour before she wanted me to pull down all of our baby books. We flipped through hers, Mothers & mine. Then we called Mom and GM yelled, “we are going to have a baby!”
It was at this point that I started to get a bit worried. I know that between now & IF GM will most likely forget this day and possibly this conversation. Or she may become very upset when it doesn’t work, because let’s be real, it sure aint a sure thing. I am pushing those worries out of my head as it seems like borrowing a kind of trouble that I don’t need at the moment.
For now I am going to stew & marinate on the wonderfulness of what happened. My GM supported me and will (hopefully) be there as I go through this ginourmous big deal. I can’t say that THIS is what needed to happen before I could get knocked up- but just being in a house of honesty feels peaceful. There is now a newness of hope in the fact that I can talk about things out loud.
*Julia happens to be one of my favorite names. Not only is it GM’s & my middle name, but it is also the name of one of my best friends AND the name of one of the cutest babies in Utah. In our family the Julia name has been passed down from Grandmother to Granddaughter for 8 generations (if I did the math correctly). & who knows, if there is a boy named Sue there could be a boy named Julia.
um, not that I am being ridiculously dorky and dreaming of baby names again. Nope. um.
Comments
30 Responses to “The timing was right.”
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Sweetpea, you just go ahead and dream of baby names. I know how hard it is right now, but (sniff) don’t stop dreaming! I’m totally impressed with this conversation. Good on you.
Wow. Big wow. That’s wonderful. I love the reaction. Good for you!
Please don’t stop dreaming ! And you know what they say : With lots of practice, you make the most beautiful babies… Watch out !!!
Wheee!!! I love it, Cali! I know it’s a relief, and that it’s so wonderful to know that everyone who matters, knows now. It may be hard with GM, to try to re-explain everything, but she’ll be good. She loves you and supports you. And love understands.
And yes, you should name her Julia.
Look at you! Taking all those plunges… calling the clinic, telling your GM.
It’s nice when you take a plunge and the water isn’t icy like you’d feared.
And I’m with everyone else. Go ahead and dream. If you weren’t chasing a dream, you wouldn’t be doing any of this, especially not IVF which I agree is a katrillion times more intense than IUIs.
But I have to say… I have a good feeling about all these new starts and new plunges you’re taking.
My word verification is tirfngm… (new) turf ‘n’ GM, maybe?
The Blessings of the elders and ancestors opening a space for a new one in their line to enter in . . .
I was thinking of the dream you had of your grandfather — he placed a baby in your arms, I think — when I was reading about the conversation you had with your grandmother, especially when she mimed rocking a baby . . .
The New World conjurewoman in me believes in such benedictions; they are the stuff of Grace . . . the dawning of a brand new day.
Peace & Blessings.
Aww, sweetness, that’s fantastic! I’m so glad it went well with GM.
First of all, crying at work. Bad. But in a good way.
For what it’s worth…when I first started trying I was afraid to talk about it with several family members–always afraid of the dissenters, I am. But it was eating me alive–my conversations with a few specific people I was “not telling” were so false and empty, so I finally broke down and told them. I got pregnant the next month. Not saying it’s a magical incantation or anything, but I think there’s a definite release in opening the door.
That is so touching (i’m tearing up a bit). While you’re fearing what if it doesn’t work, I’m thinking that what the mix really needs is excited GM energy and then it can’t fail!!
I can’t wait to meet “Julia”!!
Congratulations!
Go GM!!! I love that she reacted like that, it is so cool!!!
And yeah, Julia is a great name and I agree, is the name of the cutest baby in Utah!
Cali, I’m so glad you had such a terrific conversation with GM. I know for a long time you wanted to share it with her. Her support for you is absolutely wonderful, and an admirable show of love in your family.
This may be one of the sweetest stories i have ever heard. Congratulations on the conversation…how wonderful.
de-lurking to say “whoa, that is some shit.” i’m really excited for you and i dont even know you. your post is so well-articulated that one read and i’m on board!! best of luck!! havin’ a baby with your granny-how friggin’ cool is that? and unique, to say the least.
thanks for your comments on my rantings from the chamber of dead baby horrors. it’s already helping me to vent to such a compassionate and funny group of women.
BTW i love your dorothy parker quote. i bet you already know this one but it bears repeating (i use it often myself):
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.” i hope she said that but if she didn’t then i’m sure glad somebody did.
oh and regarding our shared fondness of profanity… is there any other way?
good luck with the IVF. i’ll be on the edge of my seat.
Oh hurrah… so glad that worked out.
YAYAYAYAYA!
You could always name a boy Julian!
Oh, I’m so glad that you had such a wonderful moment with GM and that she’s on board. What a relief!
1.) i’m so happy for you.
2.) yes, dream.
3.) i second trista’s suggestion to throw “julian” into the mix.
4.) another julia=j. sugarbaker from DW.
5.) happy, happy, joy, joy!
Don’t write any more blog entries that make me cry at work!!!
I’m so happy for you. Lots of smiles beaming your way.
How lovely that your grandmother responded this way. How lovely. You are on your way, you are on your way…
HURRAY.
Of course your post made me cry, because it made me think of my own GM. Oh hon I’m so hoping you get your Julia. Will you be doing more IUI’s or are you on to IVF? Take care and keep dreaming.
I am loving this conversation with your grandmother. My grandmother and grandfather are always amazing me with how cool they are with everything.
I remember being so nervous when telling my grandmother that Jen and I were trying to have a baby. And she didn’t say a single negative thing. Every now and then she’ll ask me, “Any news?” and it is the cutest thing ever.
p.s. I am anxiously following your IVF process as I might not be too far behind. xoxo
Wow - what a great conversation with your GM. Has to be great to have that out in the open, and even better that she was so open and accepting of the idea. And Julia - it is an awesome name.
told ya so, told ya so, neener, neener, neener!
Gotta love those wise GM’s…
SO glad it went well.
and dont forget Julio for a Latin flava!
Or Jules..
And now… another door is open. I’m cheering for you, Red, whether you can hear me from there or not.
YAY! Sounds like a done deal. GM wills it!
This is awesome news Cali! So glad she responded this way. And, don’t worry about the future…it will reveal itself to you all in due time.
That’s such great news!
Good for you for taking the plunge. Your GM sounds like a VERY cool lady and I’m so pleased for you that you told her and she reacted like she did.
In the superstitious mood I’m currently languishing in, I just FEEL that this is an excellent sign.
TEARS!
Okay, that made me cry. I can just imagine her sweet face sitting there talking to you like that. I loved the “can we name it Julia?” part. Too beautiful. And she wants to hold it.
Somewhere out there, some universal overseer just got its ass in gear to get moving on this. I know it.
If you have a boy you could name him Julian.