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Places to Go:
Early On-set Optimism
I do believe that this is a new record.
Just last night I was bitching to myself about having to go out & buy another damn box of tampons. (I will spare you details - but let’s just say that there is an entirely NEW side effect once one stops taking progesterone. It’s like period-pa-looza!) Having spent the good part of Saturday afternoon as a lump on my bed raging against the Universe I felt like an empty shell on Sunday. Then by Sunday night I was just a cranky pants.
Monday mornings are meant to be horrid. They have a delicious track record of kicking you when you are down and then when you open your eyes, begging for mercy, Monday’s tend to stomp sand in your face. Oh no, Monday has never been a friend of mine.
Except today Monday was laying low. She may have sensed that I needed some space.
I woke up with an adorable fuzzy black cat sitting on my gut purring. It is a way better way to wake up then say waking up to a coughed up cat ick on your pillow.
The late night rain had cooled down the yard enough that I could actually read the paper on the porch. In June. Well I’ll be…Things have just fallen into place.
I had to drop off a bunch of D@R* stuff to the new regent. She asked if I would meet her in the lobby of the place where she gets physical therapy. um. Oddly I found myself agreeing to do that & not even resenting the lady for asking me to leave my air conditioned house.
Once I was out & about I discovered I was in a pretty great mood. I was singing backup to some fab songs on the radio and and smiling at the truckers. I was anti Road Rage Rhoda. (a persona that I sometimes get when the fucking idiots of this town suddenly forget how to drive or that their car comes equipped with directional devices)
I think the optimism is proof that good can override evil. One shitty, horrible and LAME thing happened. But then all of this groovy wonderful stuff started happening. Operation: Get Me Tartan boots is in phase two thanks to an amazing woman in Germany. Operation: How the Fuck can I afford More Injectable Meds is also moving into phase two thanks to a very very generous couple in NY.
& people! I am a red head again! Once I got back from running my morning errands I slapped on some Miss Clairol (#110: Natural Light Auburn) & after 25 minutes I am back to ME. Well my hair was already heading back to the land of the ginger, but now I don’t have any more grey or dirty blonde roots. woo hooo!
AND (seriously, can you even believe that it is a fucking Monday??) I have an appointment to get my tattoo next wednesday afternoon in Jacksonville.
The funny thing that has just occurred to me is that I might feel so good because I am reclaiming a former version of myself. Actually it is my favorite version of me. The me from 1997. The crazy red head that moved to L.A. with only $125 and a studio apartment that she had rented without ever seeing first. The me before I let some asshole guy convince me to toss my tartan docs. The me that was making friends with tattoo artists and discovering rockabilly. The me that still called people “Sir” & “Ma’am” before some wanker boss publicly humiliated me for doing so. The me that drove a beat up convertible rabbit VW with a silk scarf tied around my hair.
I know that I can’t undo all of the parts of my life that I screwed up, but dammit if it isn’t the most amazing comfort to reclaim the parts that I loved.
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14 Responses to “Early On-set Optimism”
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Isn’t it wonderful to feel human and whole?
Optimism can be a very powerful thing sometimes!
best post ever. love you!!!
You have truly inspired me this afternoon!
Glad that the universe conspired to give you such a good day! Karma is a good thing sometimes.
I’d love to kick the shit out of anyone that made you feel bad about who you are. Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better.
Just a note to say I read your sche…sch…dammit I hate typing that name. Elevator Girls. I mean this as the highest form of flattery: When she wretched in the roof I felt like wretching too. Yikes and a half! Every now and then I get a glimpse into the way girls operate and let me tell you I’d rather get my ass kicked than get treated like that. Sheesh!
Um..anyway great work. And if I may step over the line and make so bold: Wow! You’re really pretty as well as talented. Rock on.
Wow. You are amazing. I’m really glad to know you, even if it’s just via this screen. xo
good for you! can we have a pic?
You ROCK. Hard.
I really like the blue! And I returned to Clairol “Nice and Easy” Light Auburn last month to in some sort of grab with the past (which ended when my last relationship ended) and I have felt way way way better being a stocking wearing, red head too!
Yeah - redheads kick arse!
Whoo-whoo! Congrats, Calli! That’s like getting in touch with your roots in the very best senses of the word.
My grandma was a Texas Redhead who took no crap from anyone, for her entire life. In her 70s, she decked a hospital orderly who refused to answer her question when she came out from anesthesia! Ya’ll southern redheads are an inspiration.
My word verification is XX Walt. Does that mean the next donor is Walt and he’s going to grow you a girl?
OH my sweet cali…. i too am rediscovering what i consider to be the undamaged me… god, she’s gorgeous! chopped off all my hair again, am anxiously awaiting starting school so that i may dye my hair a luscious shade of lavender (working for Bush-ites keeps my inner me mostly under wraps). and am generally exploring those things that made me happy before life got in the way… i love you so much!!!!!
ps- climbing trees rules!
me
This is all good stuff.
I hope that it’s infectios