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The Groups
I’m cool with begging.
Ah, the joys of an early morning date with the dildo cam, the monkey wand, the trans-vaginal ultrasound. You’d think that after a bazillion of these cooter camera coffee talks that I would be more blah about it.
But I tell you there is something almost sweet about that first wanding after some time off. My 2nd favorite nurse was driving the boat and we had a good time catching up. She is a retired OB nurse that just womans the ultrasound equipment part time for “mad money”. As soon as she saw me she gave me a hug and welcomed me back. Nice, but kind of poked a bit at my heart strings. But at least she remembered exactly how I like my ultrasounds to be done.
I HATE silence. I need a running commentary and play by play. And if you see something scary or weird or wrong you are free to use the phrase, “what the fuck is that?” Which she did, as a joke, when part of my intestine wanted to be in our V movie.
The good news is that other than our fun with intestines there was nothing remarkable about the scan. At this stage that is exactly what we are looking for. So say it with me, because it should never be taken for granted, phew!
2nd favorite nurse then asked if I needed her to call in any meds for me. Hmmmm. I wasn’t sure if she was in on the free stuff that Most favorite nurse (mfn) had slipped me so I kept my mouth shut & just asked for MFN.
MFN was on a conference call with Dr. Letterhead #2 and I asked to wait in an unoccupied suite. I started to freak out a bit. There was no guarantee that I would be getting more free meds and it was kind of fucked up of me to assume such a thing. I should have already hooked myself up with that website in Europe that has the meds for cheap. FUCK.
The longer I sat there the more my reading glasses slipped down on a slip n slide of perspiration on my nose. I couldn’t keep pretending to read my just in case purse novel. I needed to pray or chant or something.
MFN saw me waiting and waved & gave me the international signal for, “I’ll just be a minute longer as you can see that the Boss Man has just given me a lot of shit to do. But hello!!” I swear she managed to convey all of that with an eyebrow lift and a silly smile. There is a reason that she is my favorite.
I calmed down a bit, tried to compose myself even, and continued to wait. Finally MFN came into the suite and shut the door behind her.
“Tell me all about your new donor!”
Oh fun! Girl chat! I told her all about Churchill (thumbs up on the nickname from MFN. She was never a fan of Guy Smiley. She held a grudge after the first vial was so blah.) We talked about my protocol for this cycle (the same as the last two) and then she says, “So where do you want me to call your meds in to?”
Huh? Say what?
I must have turned bright red. In fact I know I did. It’s a pale girl perk- you can always tell when your snow white face has become cherry red. MFN looked a little worried. She explained that Dr. Letterhead #1 was here and he was not such a fan of free meds.
So I did it. I begged.
& really I am cool with begging. It worked. Not sure I can share with you exactly what I said and still hold my head up in the blogosphere…but let’s just say that the phrase, ‘I thought I was your favorite patient’ might have snuck in there along with ‘I’m in so much credit card debt already’…and maybe some tears (that were real) sploshed out.
But like I said, it worked.
MFN opened the door and said loudly, “Ok so I’ll just get you those drawing and mixing needles and didn’t you need some alcohol swabs?” She then walked right into Dr. Letterhead #1’s office and filled me up a goody bag. Somehow two cartidges of follistim found their way to the bottom of the bag.
I’m telling you- if I EVER get knocked up MFN is going to get an obscene thank you gift from me. Hell, I may just send her a stripper or something.
Sometime this afternoon I will get the call to tell me if I am to start stimming tonight or tomorrow night. I’ll have to have a weekend scan so MFN is waiting to see what day the on-call Dr. will be in the clinic. I’d like to start tonight because I am anxious to start shooting up. Let’s get this party started!
New Theme
As the winners of last week’s Hat Theme Hope and Megan have created our theme for this week. As always, I think ideas that you internets come up with are awesome & this one, I hope, will get ya’ll out there snapping.
We want to see a wacky thing that your hometown (or current town) is known for or just something crazy that you go by every day and think “I can’t believe somebody did that/put that there.” You can make it something you love or something you hate or something you love to hate.
Fun, right? Man do I wish I lived in that small town in Georgia that has a water tower that looks like a Giant peach from one angle and a Giant ass from another…
You might be asking yourself, “Calliope- how do I get to select a theme for Photo Friday?” It’s easy. All you have to do is submit a photo. A few days later your name will be put on a poll and at the end of the week the person with the most votes is declared the champ & then THEY select the next theme. Feel free to rally votes any way you wish. And if you have a really kick ass theme that you are just dying to share perhaps simply submitting a photo with, “PICK ME” will get you someplace…
To vote this week go to the Photo Friday Pool and take a look at all the new photos. Once you have selected your favorite come back here & vote.
Hello old friend!
After a thirty five day hiatus an old friend has joined me & I could not be more thrilled. I’m sure she stayed away because I was so stressed out with Mom’s move or maybe it was all those other months where I begged her to stay the fuck away. Perhaps she did not like such a harsh tone and decided to toy with me a little bit. Regardless I am elated to see her and plan on welcoming her properly with a chilled glass of vino once the sun sets.
And why am so happy that Ms. Vague Cramoisie has arrived (that’s Ms. Crimson Wave for all of you plain speaking folk)? Because with her she has brought Ms. Espoir & Madam Optimisme (or Hope & Optimism, as their close friends call them- we are not yet so close).
Also coming to play is Lunar Mystique. She has shared with me legends of other women that have had good things happen to them on the full moon. Which, if all of our math has been done correctly, could be a very important time for me.
Ms. Vague Cramoisie will only be here four or five days but I would love for Ms. Espoir & Madam Optimisme to hang around for a long time. I wonder how I can convince them to stay…
Please join me in welcoming my new friends and get ready for some fun adventures to be had.
We are at #12: The “Churchill” Cycles.
I Love Lucy Saturday
Things started out pretty fucking great. I managed to remain in my dragonfly pj’s until nearly noon. There was even that fab purchase I made from Good V*brations. I was feeling well rested and happy about having nothing big to accomplish today.
I went in to GM’s office and turned on the ancient xerox machine we own exclusively so that we can copy and enlarge the crossword puzzle every day. Once the machine was on I noticed a flashing green light: low toner. A quick hunt turned up a full bottle of toner and I glanced at the directions on the bottle & actually thought, “looks easy!”
In the past my GM has always called this Mom & Pop office supply store when she needed her toner changed. For five bucks some part time university student would come over to the house & add the stuff to your machine. It seemed like a waste. Plus- I was smart. I totally understood the directions. All you had to do was remove the little plastic cap thingie & flip it over.
And then half a bottle of black toner falls out.
I guess I was lucky. 99% of the toner fell INTO the machine as opposed to on my GM’s green carpet.
But here is the thing about toner- it does NOT clean up easily. At all. I spent an hour and used up three rolls of bounty & there is still black powder. I need to get one of those little mini vacuums that you can use to clean out between the keys of your keyboard to finish the job. ugh. My poor dragonfly pj’s. I had to throw them away.
Oh- & guess what is really tons of fun after such a disaster? Blowing your nose. Chim Chiminy Chim Chim Cherooooooo…
The day got even more nuts. I took out the trash I created (double bagged) and heard the dogs going crazy at something in the back yard. It is primo chipmunk season so I have learned to tune out the average yip from the dogs. But something about today’s shriek type barks made me realize that whatever they had cornered was not average.
It was a ginourmous (I’m talking the size of a very, very large round platter) turtle.
Turtles are actually pretty common in my backyard as I do live in a lake house. But there is a fence that runs across the backyard that separates usable yard from about 1/2 acre of wild backyard. This turtle was INSIDE the fence. As in a couple of feet away from my front door.
How the hell this massive turtle got in my yard is a mystery. Having two Scottish terriers I know every inch of my fence as I am always on the lookout for holes they have dug.
Upon seeing the turtle I turned into such a prissy girl. ahhhhhhhh!!
I called Mom, who was little help a katrillion miles away in Florida - and seriously was not even helpful for moral support as she was still laughing her ass off over my toner nightmare.
I then called, (now you will see how serious I was) the Uncle. He was not in so I called a good friend that lives down the road. He, like a true Friend warrior, promised to be there in thirty minutes or less. He just had to take a shower. (a fact that now in restrospect cracks me up) We discussed a plan. He lamented that we did not live up north because then we could use a snow shovel. I offered that I had just a regular old shovel & we agreed that that would be the tool for turtle extraction.
About three minutes after I got off the phone with him I had an awesome girl power moment. I could get that turtle and set it free. So maybe I couldn’t add toner to a xerox machine, but how hard could loading a turtle on a shovel be?
Go ahead & get that picture why don’t you.
I spent five minutes shrieking like such a baby trying to put the turtle on the business end of the shovel. I was so nervous that I would hurt her soft belly or that, in defense, she would lob off my big toes.
Luckily (because Lucy always, always has a luckily) I heard voices from the carport of my next door neighbors. Like a mad woman I ran over, shovel in hand, humidity induced sweat pouring down my face, “Can you come get this TURTLE????”
The voices belonged to the college student son and friend of my neighbors and they were so game they came running across the yard as if there was real, mortal danger.
One of them used the shovel to flip the turtle over and then he carried it, bowl side down, in both of his hands. Oh, so that’s how you do it. They were so macho at first and then they immediately started flying their geek flags by telling me exactly what type of turtle she was and guessing her age. They asked if they could have the turtle and swore that they would take care of her. So I let them. Which I now feel guilty of. She wasn’t mine to begin with. She belonged to the lake.
But as wrong as it is to admit, I am going to pull a Scarlet and think about that another day.
Shit, it is only 2:30pm. What else is going to go crazy today??
Inner-Active Hair Help Please
In a little less than three weeks I will be getting a new hair do. It is very, very, very over due. I am ready for a change, but a bit sad about cutting it off.
You see while I have a lot of hair it does not grow very fast. I’m not exaggerating at all about that. I only need a trim once a year to maintain whatever length I want my hair to be. It has been like this forever. Mom says that I didn’t get my first haircut until the middle of my 5th year. & even then it was like a pixie cut length.
It is cruel that in addition to having slow growing hair disorder I also have cut your hair off when depressed disorder.
Three and a half years ago I decided to cut all of my hair off. I didn’t have much to start with - it was a basic bob. But I had this idea that a short, short hair cut would make me look thinner.
ha ha ha ha ha- Let me just tell you right now - if your ass is big with long hair it is still big with short hair. Almost immediately I hated my hair. & of course I was stuck with it. It took a year before I could even put a barrette in it. Two years before I could sort of do one of those little pony tails. Three years I managed a bun.
It lingered just above my shoulder for a while & it seemed like an ok place to be - hair length wise. Then I started thinking about having a baby & the weirdest image popped into my head.
Suddenly I could picture me with a full on preggo belly & looooooooong, flowing red hair just covering up my boobs. You know, like a pregnant mermaid or something. It was my imaginary Vanity Fair cover photo. Just then a switch flipped in my “must cut hair when depressed” part of my brain and I decided that I would not cut my hair until just before I had my baby. That way I could take such a photo.
But people, over a year has passed and my hair is now driving me nuts. Prenatal vit’s have revealed themselves as the ultimate cure for getting your hair to grow. When I look at it now in all of its length I get so fucking depressed. It is a reminder of just how long I have had this dream - this image. It is time for it to go. With a couple of inches of my hair I need to release the idea that getting preggo was going to be easy. I need to stop attaching such strong emotion to my hair.
I made the appointment. I just don’t know what sort of cut to get. I’ll need to have some length to it so that I have bun security. Maybe just above my shoulders?
How do you think I should get it cut?
Go here to see my hair now.
Photo Friday: Grace
This is GM reading her mail. Something about the light reaching through and touching her makes me think of the graceful love my Grandfather will always have for her.
This is a rehearsal for a wedding of a good friend (& former roommate). Something about the sky makes it feel like God is going to protect them.
A twelve year old Mimosa tree from my backyard. Sure, up close the flowers look more like pin cushions, but from a safe distance they dance in the wind & I am always captivated by their summer ballet.
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Speaking of GM, I have to take her today to get an identification card. I made the appointment (a luxury only provided to those over 70) with the department of transportation for an hour after her hair appointment. We are going to fly down to Jacksonville for the 4th of July. GM has not been on a commercial airline in over a decade so the very idea that she would have to show some form of id is beyond her.
I am nervous about all the things that can go wrong today with getting the id, but I have been proven wrong many times lately by underestimating her so I am going to hold out some hope for an easy transaction.
FOIS
Friend of Infertile Single.
It’s got to be hard to be my friend. In addition to my sarcasm, my self-deprecating love/hate relationship with my body, my juvenile tendencies to laugh when you trip, and the fact that I suck at returning calls/letters/e-mails - I am trying to get pregnant.
How weird. How bizarre.
I am enmeshed into a world that is so Lifetime Movie. I talk about my Vagina all the time. I wear the same pair of jeans every time you see me (as they are the only ones that fit & you know this as I keep telling you this & then jiggling my inner-tube of lard at you while singing ‘Fat Bottom Girls’). I get moody as a motherfucker. (which the spell check would like me to change to “Moody as a motorbike.”) I get sad. I don’t ask what is going on in your life because, really, what could be more exciting than my fertility - or lack of it?
How annoying I must be. How tiresome. How utterly run on sentence.
And yet you keep calling, keep writing, keep letting me know that you are available to me. You genuinely seem interested when I tell you about luteal phases. You react perfectly when I show you how I have to jab myself with needles.
Being a FOIS must be awful. It must be so hard to wrap your mind around everything that I am putting myself through. But you are still here.
You wouldn’t believe the number of FOIS that are in my life. Men and women that deal with my shit and still seem to want to know me.
Sure I have some great friends that have excused themselves for a while. “Pardon me, I’m just going to wait until you get pregnant before I call you back.” I can actually understand that more than I can understand the friends that have decided to stick around for the long haul.
But I tell you, these FOIS that are around…man, there is nobody finer. Nobody more amazing and lovely.
I hope you know how much I love you and adore you. You know that Bette Midler song? Oh come on, of course you do. There is a line in the chorus of that song that I am bursting to sing to you:
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I’ve got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing with out you.
To all of my FOIS and to those of you in the blogosphere (Fois-blogs?): thank you, thank God for you.
New Theme & New Poll
Photo Friday Travel Tree
Originally uploaded by lorem ipsum.
This is the winning photo for last week’s travel theme. Lorem, as the winner, has decided this week’s theme for us & I think you will really like it.
GRACE. Picture anything that you feel emits grace, gives grace, is grace-ful, or simply suggests grace to you in some way. It can be an object, a person or an abstract depiction. It’s very subjective, but that’s part of the fun; grace is a very individualized concept and so will be the pictures.
Isn’t that nice? I am looking forward to all of your photos.
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Now it is time for a new poll!
To vote for your favorite start by clicking on the photo friday pool link. Feel free to leave clever comments for those that move you. Then bounce back over here & vote for your favorite. The winner selects the theme for next week.
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By the way - nobody answered my earlier question. Who will be playing you in the big screen movie version of your life? & if you are lucky enough to have one, who will be playing your significant other? If you don’t have a s/o who would you cast to be your prince or princess on a white horse? (um, yes I do have rescue fantasies - so what!)
Joan Cusack will be playing me & Alan Rickman will save the day.
Sunday afternoon pondering…
1) I just found out that the wacky neighbors across the street are in the final process of adopting from Guatemala. How did I find this out? The wife just rang my doorbell asking me if I would take a family photo of them in their front yard “so the people can see how big our house is.” I know this is really evil and mean of me, but I am not such big fans of the wacky neighbors. These are people that have hit GM up for money for crazy pyramid schemes. They have two teenage children that drive recklessly in the neighborhood and get drunk down by the lake. But my biggest problem is that they spy on me. A month ago they asked me how I was liking the HBO show, ‘Big Love’. I shared my thoughts on the show & then inquired how they knew I watched it. Wife’s answer was, “Oh we can see everything you are watching if we look through the 2nd floor guest window.” um…excuse me? (Any day now the black out curtains from target will arrive to remedy that - but man that just creeps the shit out of me!)
2) Every time I see the footage of Barbaro breaking his foot my heart breaks. While I was never a big rider, my Mother used to be very into the sport so I have a pull towards these races. I know that putting a horse down is a risk that owners and trainers are aware of, but it still just seems so wrong. I large portion of my prayers are going out to the health of Barbaro.
3) Why are food commercials seeming to look more & more gross? The greasy Red Lobster ads make my gut churn and those pizza ads with the cheese stretched from here to Kansas sicks me out. But the worst culprits are the new burger ads. There is nothing appealing about these huge, dripping, slabs of meat piled high with thick sliced tomatoes and onions. There is one commercial that I have to literally leave the room when it comes on: the Hardee’s ad with the two men having a conversation with their mouths full. ugh. Does anybody want a burger after watching that?
4) I went over to a friends house this morning for an informal brunch with friends. The conversation veered towards a topic that I am utterly unfamiliar with - the “rapture”. I am soooo low key about religion and spirituality that I have been oblivious to this insane movement going on in my town that has gotten everyone worked up on the big R. Not being so well versed in the Bible (at all) I listened to the details of this as if I was hearing the log line for a sci fi book. Apparently some church has been passing out bumper stickers that say, “In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.” This naturally led to a long discussion of religious movies and specifically the movie series, “The Omen”. I now have this very weird fascination with all of this extreme religion. It’s like smelling gasoline on your fingers or something.
5) The brunch by the way was kick ass and I feel strongly about telling you about a new (but odd) food combo that you must try: thin spread of creamy peanut butter on a banana pancake. yum.
6) After much debating I have just officially resigned all of my offices for the local Southern Lady clubs that I belong to. I only belong to them so that I can take GM and somehow I got put into high positioned offices even though if you held a gun to my head I would not be able to tell you jack shit about any of these clubs. I am always getting them mixed up: daughter of a colonial mason libertine rebel of the confederate revolutionary club. Or something like that. The clubs, at a national level, seem to be great for historical education. But at a local level I can’t seem to see the point beyond social tea. I feel a bit like a shit for resigning, but it was on my list of things to weed out from my life.
7) While I was in JAX lightening struck a tree in my front yard and now there is this HUGE branch just dangling from it. I could possibly get it down myself by implementing some laws of physics, but I am a massive fear that the laws of gravity will be against me and the limb will flip and smash me. Plus it seems entirely too hot to be out in the yard yanking on trees. [Uncle came by the house this afternoon & declared that the limb would need to be sawed off. So now I need to find someone to do that. great.]
GM is back to watching the discovery channel Birth shows. I keep switching her over to the History channel but somehow she can remember the discovery channel number & she is able to switch it back.
9) Any day now I am going to get my period and I will be back on the trying to get knocked up roller coaster. This will be my fucking 12th IUI. Seriously, has anybody done 12 before?? If I could afford to do IVF I would but at this point the IUI’s are only costing me the price of sperm, ultrasounds, and procedure. My meds are still (thank the frickin lawd) free from the clinic: my consolation prize for being spread eagle for nearly 100 RE’s in training. So that means each try runs me about $600. While still wicked expensive, it is still insanely cheaper than an IVF cycle. But really, how does one muster up enthusiasm for IUI #12? I guess I am just going to focus on the new things for this month: new donor (go Churchill!!) and I am going to try progesterone cream.
10) This past week I got not one, but two, e-mails from friends I haven’t spoken to in a while. One e-mail arrived in the morning, the 2nd in the evening. Both wanted to know all about my son or daughter that they were certain I had “by now”. While I love said friends, I can not begin to explain how ouchie it was to get two e-mails with those same sentiments in one day.
What’s on your mind?
Protected: Poll, Interview Answers, & Mom’s Move
First things first- the poll! The travel photos were amazing. I wonder if collectively we have been to every continent….We are the world, we are the children.
Go to the Photo Friday Pool link in my sidebar and review all of the travel photos. Make sure you leave (clever & witty) comments where appropriate and then come back here & vote for your favorite. Winner picks next week’s theme. ooo la la!
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