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The Groups
Photo Friday: Get your Snack On
I must confess that this new snack obsession is a new one. I have done a Folger’s swap & switched all my horrible (meaning really good, but bad for me) snacks with gum. I figured if I stuffed enough gum in my mouth that it would eventually retrain me.
Or something like that.
Plus I would have been kind of embarrassed to share with you photos of my true favorite snack. I can deny attachments to the South all day long, but when you get one look at scoop fritos covered in pimento cheese spread…well the jig is up. I might as well whistle Dixie.
Fritos are one of the most truly satisfying things ever. I will confess to even eating them accompanied with a fabulous and expensive glass of wine. As if they were on par with Northern California grapes.
I also have this thing for wheat thins. I could eat an entire box & not even know it.
& it is that very thing that has forced me to get a grip on my snack issues.
Not sure if watermelon gum is the solution, but for now it’ll do.
As for the uterus update- well I am at 9 days past ovulation / IUI and my temp dropped. I don’t believe in the concept of an “implantation dip” so I am getting ready for the inevitable: my period. fucking shit damn crapalation.
Break it down now…I did math!
I continue to be fascinated by our personality profiles.
17% of us are ISFJ (personality type is Protector or Conservator)
Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Work devotedly to meet their obligations. Lend stability to any project or group. Thorough and painstaking, accurate. Their interests are usually not technical. Can be patient with necessary details. Loyal, considerate, perceptive, concerned with how other people feel.
17% are INFJ (personality type is Counselor or Author)
Succeed by perseverance, originality, and desire to do whatever is needed or wanted. Put their best efforts into their work. Quietly forceful, conscientious, concerned for others. Respected for their firm principles. Likely to be honored and followed for their clear convictions as to how best to serve the common good.
12% are INTJ (personality type is Mastermind or Scientist)
Usually have original minds and great drive for their own ideas and purposes. In fields that appeal to them, they have a fine power to organize a job and carry it through with or without help. Skeptical, critical, independent, determined, sometimes stubborn. Must learn to yield less important points to win the most important.
12% are INFP (personality type is Healer or Questor)
Full of enthusiasms and loyalties, but seldom talk of these until they know you well. Care about learning, ideas, language, and independent projects of thier own. Tend to undertake too much, then somehow get it done. Friendly, but often too absorbed in what they are doing to be sociable. Little concerned with possessions or physical surroundings.
12% are ENFP (personality type is Champion or Journalist)
Warmly enthusiastic, high-spirited, ingenious, imaginative. Able to do almost anything that interests them. Quick with a solution for any difficulty and ready to help anyone with a problem. Often rely on their ability to improvise instead of preparing in advance. Can usually find compelling reasons for whatever they want.
12% are ENFJ (personality type is Teacher or Pedagogue)
Responsive and responsible. Generally feel real concern for what others think or want, and try to handle things with due regard for the other person’s feelings. Can present a proposal or lead a group discussion with ease and tact. Sociable, popular, sympathetic. Responsive to praise and criticism.
8% are ESFJ (personality type is Provider or Vendor)
Warm-hearted, talkative, popular, conscientious, born cooperators, active committee members. Need harmony and may be good at creating it. Always doing something nice for someone. Work best with encouragement and praise. Main interest is in things that directly and visibly affect people’s lives.
5% are ESFP (personality type is Performer or Entertainer)
Outgoing, easygoing, accepting, friendly, enjoy everything and make things more fun for others by their enjoyment. Like sports and making things happen. Know what’s going on and join in eagerly. Find remembering facts easier than mastering theories. Are best in situations that need sound common sense and practical ability with people as well as with things.
5% are ENTP (personality type is Inventor)
Quick, ingenious, good at many things. Stimulating company, alert and outspoken. May argue for fun on either side of a question. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems, but may neglect routine assignemnts. Apt to turn to one new interest after another. Skillful in finding logical reasons for what they want.
58% are I
If the first letter of the type is an I, such as in INFP, then the dominant is introverted. The next step is to figure out which of the middle two letters this applies to, which is done by looking to the last letter. (The last letter represents the extraverted function). If it is a P, then the dominant will be the third letter, which is the judging function (the process is backwards and slightly confusing for introverts). If it is a J, then it will be the second letter, which is the perceiving function. Already it is possible to tell that the INFP has an introverted dominant, and that it is feeling, which is called introverted feeling. Also evident is that the auxiliary is intuition.
The second states the functions alternate every other in orientation. For introverts, it would proceed introverted, extraverted, introverted, extraverted. The third function of the introverted personality will be the opposite of the second. For the INFP, the second is extraverted intuition, so the third is introverted sensing. The fourth will be the opposite of the first, which ends up as extraverted thinking.
42% are E
If the first letter of the type is an E, such as ESTJ, then the dominant is extroverted. The next step, which is slightly different than in introverts, is to figure out to which of the middle two letters this applies. If the last letter is a P, then the dominant will be the second letter, and if it is a J, then it will be the third letter. Thus, we can tell from this that the first or dominant in the ESTJ is extraverted thinking, and the second is introverted sensing. The third, which is the opposite of the second, is introverted/extraverted intuition, and the fourth is introverted feeling.
The most common trait within our group was F
83% of us have that in common
Extraverted Feeling is concerned with the likes and dislikes of others and what is socially appropriate rather than what is fair or just. It organizes the external world according to interpersonal relationships.
Extraverted feeling is based upon accepted or traditional social values and opinions. It involves a conforming, adjusting response to objective circumstances that strives for harmonious relations with the world. Because it depends so much on external stimuli rather than upon true subjective preferences, such feeling is cold, ‘unfeeling’, artificial or put on for effect.
The extraverted feeling type follows fashion and seeks to harmonize personal feelings with general social values. Thinking is always subordinate to feeling and is ignored or repressed if intellectual conclusions fail to confirm the convictions of the heart. When this type is extreme or neurotic, feeling may become gushing or extravagant and dependent upon momentary enthusiasms that may quickly turn about with changing circumstances. Such a person may therefore seem hysterical, fickle, moody or even to be suffering from multiple personality. Repressed thinking may also erupt in infantile, negative, obsessive ways. This can lead to the attribution of dreaded characteristics to the very objects or people that are most loved and valued.
Introverted Feeling evaluates things based on one’s own preferences and values. It sees things in terms of like and dislike or good and bad, and it is concerned with harmony and congruence.
Introverted feeling strives for an inner intensity that is unrelated to any external object. It devalues objective reality and is rarely displayed openly. When it does appear on the surface, it generally seems negative or indifferent. The focus of such feeling is upon inner processes and latent, primordial images. At its extreme, it may develop into mystical ecstasy.
The introverted feeling type is brooding and inaccessible, and also hiding behind a childish mask, “childish” being a bad thing. Such a person aims to be inconspicuous, makes little attempt to impress and generally fails to respond to the feelings of others, which makes them incompatible with others and unfit for positions in leadership and management. The outer, surface appearance is often neutral, cold and dismissive. Inwardly, however, feelings are deep, passionately intense, and may accompany secret religious or poetic tendencies, which tend to be wrong as well. The effect of all this on other people can be stifling and oppressive. When extreme or neurotic, this type may become domineering and vain. Negative repressed thinking may also be projected so that these persons may imagine they can know what others are thinking. This may develop into paranoia and into secret scheming rivalries.
The 2nd most common was J
67% of us share that.
In J-types, the judging function (T or F) is dominant, and will be directed inward or outward in accordance with the I/E preference. J-types tend to prefer a step-by-step (left brain: parts to whole) approach to life, relying on external rules and procedures, and preferring quick closure.
What other info have you discovered about your type?
By the way most of this info was from here or here.
Who are You?
I am constantly amazed by how much I see myself in other people’s blog posts. Even if the scenarios are nothing that I have ever encountered I find myself completely recognizing the emotional reaction or response.
It has made me wonder just how many of us share overlapping personality traits. Hmmmmm…
Many of you, I am certain, have heard of the Myers Briggs tests. I took the test years ago, but I am going to take it again today to see if I have shifted anywhere.
If you are curious take one as well & post your personality type.
Here is an on-line version of the test.
Theme Announcement!
I’m announcing the theme a bit early to give everyone plenty of time to prepare.
This week will be judged by Trista! (& only because she is promising to introduce me to some groovy music. Yes, I can be bribed. Plus her description of her Spring photo read like a pervy harlequin romance novel and it cracked me up.)
So the theme!
Get your snack on.
Share photos of you preparing, sharing, eating, cleaning up, whatever, your favorite snack.
Feel free to do a montage. & if your favorite snack is, um, pervy, just try to keep it a clean photo 
I hope we can crack each other up this week with this theme as I am in sore need of some laughter.
And of course I need validation that this idea doesn’t blow. So shout out your honest reaction in the comments section. Charlotte has some fun ideas for the following weeks that involve indoor plants and favorite body parts. So hang on!
Is it possible?
To have more than one good thing, I mean? How many of you wish just one wish on the first star you see at night but would feel greedy about wishing for two, or maybe three things? (in addition to world peace, of course)
I’ve always been a one wish kind of gal. One main goal to focus on and then plow forward with reckless abandon. Balls to the wall!
Of course I have wishes on the back burner. Many, many of them. And as things either get fulfilled or cast aside I move those wishes up on to the hot coils.
Having a baby was a back burner wish for quite a fucking long time. Hell it was just a pot on the stove for years before I even figured out what to put in it.
Now it is clearly the pot I am waiting to boil.
(um, let’s let that last bit be the last stove metaphor for a minute.)
What I am beating around discussing is the possibility of my Mother getting this kick ass job in Florida. As soon as she reported back from the interview that she LOVED the city, the people she would work with, the money I found myself in a bit of a flux.
My gut instinct is to say & think, “yay! Hope you get that job!” Not only would it be great for her, but it would be fanfuckingtastic for me & GM as well. & I genuinely want her to get it.
Then, like a trailing shadow of my good wishes, there lingers a voice that says, “Well if you wish for the Florida job you don’t get your baby wish.”
Go ahead. You can say it. That is a nuts and idiotic thing to think.
But I do.
I have a good life, sure. But I don’t take any of it for granted. I am certainly not one of those amazingly blessed people. You know the sort. The women with those chalk white teeth, fast metabolisms, and born into money. The sort of people that always got straight A’s without picking up a book.
If those sort of people are flecked in gold then I think I might be the sort that has glitter residue on their shoe or something.
I do not think it is possible for two great things to happen at the same time. But I do believe that it is possible for the shit cup to floweth over.
So for the past two weeks I have been in this twisted, conflicted, “what do I wish for” holding pattern. If I get pregnant I knew that Mom wouldn’t get the job. If she got the job then I wouldn’t get pregnant.
But now something weird and unexpected has happened.
On the day of my IUI my Mother got the job.
So I think I have found the weird gap where it is possible to wish for both things at the same time and have it be ok. Like a leap year wish or daylight saving time hope.
Holy fuck. I am moving to Florida!
The details are all being sorted out but we could be there in just a few months.
Tonight Mom tells GM.
And I am back to 100% wishing, hoping, dreaming, pining, yearing, bargaining with God for baby.
Shhhh…Do you hear that?
That is the sound of 58 million sperm rushing to the golden egg(s).
This morning I had the smoothest IUI ever. No wait in the waiting room. No wait in the IUI room. And Nurse P. did the honors and was in & out before I even realized it. sha-zam!
The traffic on the way home was sparse and the Big 80’s station I listen to played all the songs that I like.
I am, once again, a passenger on the S.S. Optimism and hope to stay there for a good long while.
Hillary vs. Ronald
So I have just returned home after my cycle day 11 ultra sound and bloodwork. Good news people, I now have another contender.
In a previous episode of the Bold & the Ovaries I seemed to just have the pretty conservative dude on the right. Let’s call him Ronnie.
But this morning’s episode reveals that my liberal ovary has put forward a Hillary.
So now I have two follicles, two chances, two percent more hope.
Looks like I will trigger tonight and get sperminated on Wednesday morning. In addition to the wash the spermies will be getting an “overnight motility test”. This will do fuck all to help me this cycle, but it will be good to know. Basically, in the overnight test, a small (tiny!) amount of sperm are set aside on the day of the IUI. Then my vagina temperature is taken and those set aside sperm are put into an environment at that temperature. The next morning a technician will count how many sperm are left.
My hot to trot vagina could be killing the sperm! ahhhhh!
The vampire that drew my blood this morning is the one that will be doing the test and she says that it is rare for it to be too hot, but it will certainly see what sort of sample the sperm bank has been sending. I get a bit deer in the headlights with some of the tests and what they all mean. Blink. Blink. Speak vagina, people.
I just wish that getting pregnant was as easy as that lime in the coconut song.
You put the sperm in the uterus and shake it all up…& then you call the Doctor with a belly ache.
One to Watch…
There is nothing quite as informative as having the head of the fertility clinic come in on a weekend to perform your ultra sound scan. I thought the chatty nurse was chatty. Dr. Letterhead was like the micromachine dude. I have always felt like a spectator at the floor show during ultra sounds but this morning I actually felt empowered by all the information. Did you even realize how close your intestines are to your female bits?
Oh yes, the information. Well, as far as injectable cycles go this one is not so very thrilling. There is good news & then there is, “oh” news. So the good news is that my quasi freakout about having two large follicles too soon was unwarranted. Turns out one of those follicles was actually a cluster of smaller ones. Like a follicle apartment complex.
The “oh” news is that the other largish mass is a follicle. But it has decided to be the heavy weight champion of my right ovary and has prevented other follicles from getting much bigger.
To translate- it looks like when all is said and done I will just have the one follicle to watch. Dr. Letterhead didn’t think that the apartment follicles would catch up much.
So it looks like I will have two more days of stimming and then another ultrasound on Monday.
I feel a bit let down at not having a bunch of eggies. My last injectable cycle I was getting all of these stern chats about the possibility of multiples and about OHSS. Not so much this go ’round.
Look, I know that all I need is the one follicle. The one egg. The one sperm. But I have been spending lots of cash and time on the baby lottery and I want fucking better odds.
By the way I LOVE all of your baby pictures. It is amazing to see so much spunk and cuteness at such ages. I need some help coming up with a theme for next week.
Who is boiling over with creativity at the moment?
THE THEME! your baby photo
So I was thinking about what the theme should be for this week’s photo Friday. I was blown away by the cuteness of the pets. Seriously- my heart became a marshmallow.
& what is cuter than pet photos?
baby photos!
Now calm down, I know that many (most) of us are still working on those groovy lab experiments that will ultimately create a baby of our very own. So allow me to clarify: I mean YOUR baby photo.
Anything from birth to early childhood. I know not all of you have scanners, but you can take a photo of your photo.
& because I know we are all cutie patooties there will be no winner this week. Just gushing. Because, really, don’t we all need to hear how adorable we once were?
(disclosure: I am blogging under the influence of extra hormones so if this idea is just way nuts please let me know.)
30 hours, people
Hell is having no internet connection.
As I write this it has been nearly 30 hours since I have been able to get online. That is 30 hours that I have not been able to read e-mails, write e-mails, update my blog, read blogs, read the NY Times on-line, check my bank account status, update my netflix queue, or download the new Necko Case cd.
My life has essentially come to a screeching halt and I am laughing at how much it has thrown me off balance. It feels like I have been mute and silenced from the outside world. 30 hours where the only source of stimulus was listening to GM tell me the same stories about her cat that I have heard since 1993. & while I hear the story every morning when I wake her & I have mastered the art of listening to it as if I have never heard it before, there is something a bit maddening about not being able to then plunge into the present world afterwards.
I know that a dsl repair person is on their way, that the problem will be fixed. But at this very moment I feel so crazily isolated.
Why did I cancel my shrink today?
If I had kept my shrink appointment I would have been captivated by my own crazy head space for hours and would not have gotten so deranged over failed internet connections.
But alas, hindsight is a bitch slap, & when I made the call yesterday morning to cancel I was doing it to give myself a break. A little bit of time back just for myself. For the next two weeks I will be making almost daily trips to the clinic for injectable monitoring so by canceling one week of shrink it gave me back 4 hours. (2 hours to drive there and back, 2 hours to be shrunk)
Maybe time with myself (& not in the fun way) is not something that I need at all.
The good news is that my first night with my new best friend, the follistim pen, went really well. It comes with this massive instruction manual. No joke- my tivo had fewer directions. The manual is filled with warnings and illustrations. I read it twice then had Mom read it and then finally she read it aloud step by step as I assembled the pen. I felt like we needed an orchestra in the den to be playing the score for a nuclear power struggle action movie.
I don’t know if it is because of a shorter or smaller or cuter needle, but the inject didn’t hurt. I might even (gasp!) give myself the shot tonight.
[all you gals that did your own injections- this is where I bow down to you with due reverence. I have no problem getting shots – I had 6 million just to go to Africa, but I just don’t like seeing it be done. I’m a pussy. Sue me.]
With my old injectable medicine I had irritation, some welts and immediate discomfort. This stuff has been so tame. I have no marks on my gut from the shot, nor did I wake up 2 pant sizes bigger with bloat. I’m sure the bloat will come. I am (give me a gold star) what the people call a “good responder” when it comes to meds. I just wish I was a good responder when it came to getting knocked up. Oh the humanity.
And did you hear that the guy that was the game show host on ‘Press Your Luck’ died in a plane crash. Yes, the man that brought us “no whammies, no whammies”. I was a bit freaked by this news as usually my inner monologue when sperm is being shot through a catheter into my uterus is, “Please God let this work! No whammies!”
Would it be a fitting tribute if I still kept thinking that or would it be too creepy?
In other news I think I may want to be Anne Lamott when I grow up. I read her ‘Operating Instructions’ a few months ago. It’s a brilliant and gut punch memoir of raising a kid solo. It is fantastic stuff for a liberal, single, gal who wants a munchkin of her own.
But she has a couple of other books that I bought that have just been chilling on my bookcase for a while and on a whim I stuffed one in my purse a month ago to be my, “waiting for ___” entertainment. So as I waited for a friend at a bar I took it out to read it, as I waited at the shrink’s office I read it, & yesterday as I waited to go in for my ultrasound I read it.
Anyhow it is called ‘Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith’. Now before you heathens tune out let me just say that for me, faith is a very private thing. I don’t subscribe to most organized religions, but when it is done right, I like church. I like the ritual of it. But the spiritual stuff – well that has to come from within.
But this book speaks to a sort of universal spiritualism: the coincidences of the universe that bind us all together. Mostly it unfolds as an after thought. Something traumatic happens and the sense of it can only come afterwards – if at all.
Something in the book really connected with me yesterday:
A friend of the author was having an awful traveling day. Her flights were getting cancelled, her hotel accommodations were missing – things were fucked up. When she finally got on the right train she bitched to the man sitting next to her. Turns out the dude worked for the Dalai Lama. (of course)
“And he said – gently- that they believe when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born- and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.”
So I am going to marinate on that for a moment.
I can now get on line and I have 600gazillion e-mails to read (no I did not elope with my follistim pen, but thank you for asking!) and I am so behind in the chicas in the blogosphere (so sorry!) but I have come full circle to finding the peace in the internet chaos.
Because I was not able to get on line I took GM & her friend for a drive to do some errands. We sang along to standards from the 40’s and marveled at how beautiful the sky, post storm, was. We drove around and looked at spring sticking its head out to see if it was time to bloom. Because I was not able to get on line I took a lovely nap. Just for the hell of it. Because I was not able to get on line I had a 45 minute phone conversation with Dr. Molly.
So who knows what events are about to be born out of this bit of chaos? Maybe taking a day off was what I needed.
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