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It’s not a tumah.

So I don’t have OHSS.

& Since I didn’t blog yesterday you have no idea what I am talking about, do you.

I’ll rewind & catch ya’ll up.

Yesterday morning I had my IUI. The RE on call was one I have never met before: a very nice, slightly older, woman from Ohio. She talked to me as if it was my first IUI & I kind of liked it. (cue the appropriate Madonna song) The nurse, who I have known since I started coming to the clinic, was the nurse to Mr. Big Shot/My name is on the letterhead, guy & I could tell she was amused at how I was being treated so delicately. It wasn’t until new RE said, “& you should be able to have a normal day today, do your normal activities…” until the nurse piped in, “Why don’t you examine her chart and meds protocol & rethink that.”

ooooooh! SNAP!

So the new RE flipped through the massive binder that is my chart & then recanted her earlier statement & issued the following revision, “Take it easy today. Rest. Drink lots of fluid. Call if you experience any pain that you feel is unusual.”

You got it!

The drive home was a bit angsty for me. Mom was at the wheel , but we were rushing. & I bet not one of you has had to rush home for the reason we did. We had to rush home so that we could wake GM up to go to one of her society lunches. It was such a cluster fuck as we were last in line at the first come, first serve IUI Saturday at the clinic. We HAD to be home by 9am so that GM had plenty of time to get ready.

We left her a note that I didn’t feel well & that Mom had taken me to the doc in the box.**

But if she woke up & saw that we knew she would freak out about making her meeting/lunch. So the entire hour drive home Mom & I were bouncing back worst case scenarios. They involved GM finding the keys to Mom’s thunderbird & trying to remember how to drive. GM trying to walk the 6 miles to the country club, GM having a fit & throwing things at us…Luckily when we got home GM was still asleep & actually didn’t even want to go to the meeting. Phew!

(**GM doesn’t know about my baby science experiment. Before my Grandfather died she would ask me when I was going to settle down & have a family. I replied that I may not need to settle down to have kids. To which she giggled & said, “Oh you modern girls!” But at this point having to tell, retell, explain & reexplain artificial insemination to GM is just not something that I deem necessary. Once I get pg I will be honest with her, but I’ll be crossing that bridge once I come to it.

SO back to the tumah…

I get back into my PJ’s & under the covers thinking dreamy thoughts about my bazillion eggs hooking up with Guy’s bazillion sperm. (the clinic did an upward motility wash on new donor & Guy had 56 million sperm that were over 70% forward moving) I also had an entire week of season 2 ER’s to catch up on. (God bless tivo & TNT) So I got comfy & began my Dr. Ross marathon.

Then it started. The pain. Oh the humanity! I’m telling you it was worse than my post lap pain. It felt like somebody was aggressively kneading dough inside of me. All at once I felt that I would throw up and explode.

I tried to be brave. I tried to just ride it out.

But who am I kidding? It hurt soooo effing much. At first I wanted to go get a shot of vodka, but then I stopped. I haven’t had anything to drink since Philly & I didn’t want to start now. So I figured a cup of peppermint tea would calm me. But the simple act of getting out of bed was excruciating.

I made it to the kitchen & Mom was in there (GASP!) doing dishes (ALERT THE MEDIA!). She took one look at me & said, “I’m calling that beeper number!”

So I propped myself against the kitchen counter & we waited for the RE on call to call us back. The first thing they told us to do was to weigh me. Um. Thanks - want to kick me when I am down? I already feel horrible, now you want me to be confronted with the monstrosity that is my bathroom scale? Fuck you!

But she said I needed to weigh now & then weigh myself in 4 hours. If it has gone up any call her back. Then I was told to drink as much water as I could. If I didn’t pee within the hour call her back. If my pee changed colors or “density” (?!?!?!) call her back.

So for the next five hours I drank and I peed. Drinking. Peeing.

Then weighing. I figured all the water would have made me gain, but I had actually lost a pound. Go figure.

What I was being monitored for was a little thing called OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). Anybody that has a trigger shot or anyone that takes fertility medication is at risk. I was at higher risk because of my higher estrogen level and my age (?!).

So by 7:00pm I was deemed in the clear. No OHSS for me. Thank Gawd. But going through all of that did make me feel like a chump. All that drama for some ovulation pain. But I guess when you are dropping the mother load of eggs some, er, discomfort is to be expected.

Just glad to not feel so bloated this morning. Phew.

__________________
Those of you wanting to join the flickr Friday Photo account I have sent you invite e-mails. Disregard the 1st one if you get more than one. I’m still a bit of a flickr newbie. If you haven’t gotten an invite & you would like one, e-mail me & I’ll take care of that.

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